I have a well paid job, enrolled in a top degree bit why I am still feeling depressed? Feeling like I just woke up and wondered how I got here!

Guest_934 · ‎17-04-2019

Hi everyone,

It's been a few years since my last post. I thought I could keep everything in my life under control. But now, I'm feeling super anxious and depressed. I'm in a well paid job, I'm financially secure (for the first time ever) and now I'm doing night classes for a professional degree and yet I'm still down. I can feel myself unraveling at the seams and I can't stop it.

I'm starting to avoid work and taking more sick leave and I'm handing my assignments in late for uni. My job is good but my boss at work is bullying me and I feel it's because she can sense I'm depressed but I can't leave my job because I'm supporting a sick parent. My law degree is highly competitive and I'm starting to really doubt myself and now I'm not attending classes. I thought it was my dream degree but I'm guessing I enrolled so I could find a viable way out of my current dysfunctional job.

I feel like I'm sabotaging myself and feel helpless. I've decided to go back to therapy but I'm not sure if that will help and my meds just make me feel numb. Has anyone just woken up one day and wondered where their life went and how they got here?

LesDave · ‎19-04-2019

You made some adjustments and secured yourself. That was a challenge. Now life has thrown you a few more challenges. You can either fold or play on. My guess is you have fought to get where you are and throwing in the towel will only make you feel worse later. These challenges you have now will seem insignificant in 5 year's time. Try to look at this like a positive - a learning experience. Your bully boss is an opportunity for you to go and watch some YouTube videos on assertiveness and try out tactics until you find one that works. With uni, please don't give up. Set yourself a plan. But make them short term plans like making sure you study at least 'x' hours per day.

Nothappyuni · ‎19-04-2019

WOW ***Za!,

Did I write that post? Or did you?

If it is any help, I feel the same way. I suppose the consolation for you is that you don't have your partner of 23 years suddenly telling you they don't love you, and wished they had never met you; but, they don't know why they feel that way.

Law is a difficult degree, but it is one you can sink your teeth into. I should have gone with law instead of all this in your head stuff that leaves you constantly wondering if you are hurting people's feelings, though meanwhile, you are super sensitive to the words of other people.

When I was young we had chooks. The strangest thing happened one day when one of the hens cut herself. Every other bird in the pen pecked the red blood. They pecked and pecked the injured hen till she was dead. It was not aggressive, it was just their nature, they couldn't help themselves. I think humans are like that. Your boss may not be especially happy in life; but, it seems to me, people get a temporary high by belittling others. That momentary superiority helps get them through the day.

Just be aware that we all have doubts and fears, at the end of the day life is what you make of it.

It looks to me like you will do fine, you are aware of what is going on, and you have made plans to address the situation. That is good lawyer material. I will need a lawyer soon, so hurry up and do your degree!

Guest_934 · ‎23-04-2019

Thank you, LesDave. That's great advice. I'm not time managing as well as I should be so now that's my focus so I don't get left behind. I need to focus on the long term and realise why I'm doing this.

Guest_934 · ‎23-04-2019

23 years is a long time. I'm sorry to hear that happened. Are you in a better place? Law is okay, I'm not sure what I will specialise in and maybe why I'm uncertain of it. My boss is better. I finally stood up to him and he's backed away. That surprised me! Thanks for the advice Nothappy@uni.