I feel very alone.

[AlexClaire]

Hi Guys,

Where to start. I'll try to keep it brief.

I' m 28, have suffered with depression for the last 10 years caused by a head injury when I was 18. Been on medication off and on since then but have been on the highest dose for around 4 years, I am been completely off it for the last 2 months. I am struggling. So so much. I have only been in Australia for just under two months having moved over with my boyfriend of over 3 years. There are a lot of firsts with this. First time we have lived together just the two of us, first time we have moved across the other side of the world together, first time I have been unemployed in a while etc etc. 

I'm really struggling.

I' m so alone, spending so much time alone as he works 5 days a week, he has his mother and his sister here, I have nobody, I don't know anybody, we have so little money I'm trying not to spend anything so am not going out. He says I have a 'bad attitude'. That I'm being defeatist and negative about everything. Which is true. My mother is a very negative person and I think it's brushed off on me rather nicely. I'm taking everything out on him because there IS nobody else to take anything out on. I literally don't talk to anyone else unless it's on skype or whatever. And that's not talking. 

I just don' t know what to do, I'm not even really sure why I'm writing this I know other people have it much worse. I just have nobody. Why can I not just see the positives in life? Is my current mood just an effect of not being medicated in which case should I have stayed on them? 

 I'm fairly sure we're nearing break up because he says he can't be around negative people. Then in which case, I'm across the other side of the world all alone and don't have the money to go back home. So. Honestly though, I am feeling very defeatist today. I would be quite happy if the world came and swallowed me up because right now its just to much pain and uncertainty. 

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[White_Rose]

Dear AlexClaire

I am so sorry to hear that you are having a bad time. I understand the part of being here with no family. It's how I felt when I first came to Oz and had no family or friends to support me. It was even worse when I had my babies as it seemed there was no one to admire them or fuss over them.

I suspect you are not really negative but in fact you are homesick. Not just for the place you have left but for your friends and family and the lifestyle you had. As you say, your boyfriend has a job and is busy making friends at work. He has a purpose in life. Are you looking for work? This is important for your self confidence and to feel you are supporting yourself.

If you are in a reasonably large town, is there any opportunity for volunteer work while you look for a job? This will give you a outlet for your skills and bring you into contact with others. Also, are you registered with a GP? This is important if you are taking medication and especially as you feel so distressed.

BB has a list of GPs skilled in mental health issues. Look under the tabs at the top of the page to find the list. You can search by postcode.A good GP will be able to help you and perhaps refer you to a psychologist if necessary.

Also explore the tabs above and read the information stored there. BB will send you any of this free of charge.

Have you met the boyfriend's mother and sister? Can you go and visit them while the boyfriend is at work? They may be able to help you find a job. Doing anything (well almost) would be a bonus for you at the moment.

Please continue posting here and tell us how you are going. I would love to keep in contact with you.

Mary

[CrashCoyote]

Hi AlexClaire,

Welcome to Beyondblue and thank you for posting.

I am a 51yo Sydney man born and bred. I suffer P.T.S.D. I have travelled extensively so would be keen to hear about your part of the world. I know you are 28yo but do not know what town you live in to give better support but I will try.

Forgive me if this response seems a bit disjointed but I am trying to address your post and don't want to miss anything. I understand it must be very hard to be in a new country (even one as beautiful as Australia!) facing the situation you are facing. I am glad you speak English so at least we can communicate!

I am interested to know why you are off your meds. Was that medical advice? There are many people on meds that give them bad side effects but they persevere because being off the meds is worse.

Are there activities you can involve yourself in that are relatively cheap? (This is where knowing the size town you are in would be handy for me.) Most libraries are focal points for community events and many are designed for people that cannot afford more expensive entertainment. Obviously exercise, like walking or yoga or aerobics at a park are all free, if you are interested and able.

Being unemployed is tough but if the income isn't that critical, maybe some volunteerism will help if that is an option? It means you meet others and sometimes employment comes from that volunteering, when people see your skills, personality or commitment. It would help with one of your goals; meeting and talking to people.

Try not to be too hard on yourself by comparing your situation to that of others. Everyone's problems are real to them and just as important (no more, no less) than yours. If you consider it, we can always find someone worse off, so don't minimise your situation.

It is hard to tell the effect you negativity is having on all of this, but it must be at least some. Things can become self fulfilling prophecies if we talk ourselves into them and you have hit the nail on the head when you say you need to see the positives. That may mean a bit of therapy?

Please don't write your partner off yet! Many people find it difficult knowing how to support people with any sort of emotional or mental problem, no matter how much they love them. He may just be frustrated. Do you have good, open communication with him? Please post back if you want and I will try and come up with some other suggestions for you. Gotta go, running out of characters! 

Kind regards, John.

[CrashCoyote]

Hi AlexClaire,

I'm just wondering how you are going?

Kind regards, John.

[CrashCoyote]

Hi AlexClaire,

I'm just wondering how you are going?

Kind regards, John.