I feel so lonely alot of the time :(

lochness46 · ‎21-11-2020

Im feeling very disappointed that my life is very lonely living with Mental Ilnesses. I live in a small country town & have been here for now about 5-6 years as a single parent. Ive tried to make friends but seem to either get involved ( till it to late to relise)people that are the wrong people to be friends with or Ive been betrayed by them. I struggle with energy levels & Im tired & fatigued quite alot, especially lately, because Ive just been diagnosed with a physical illness. Its really made it hard for me to hold down any kind of employment, or even do volunteer work becasue of my mental health & now my physical illness. The only people currently in my life are paid professionals. There is also no mental health groups other hobby groups that im interested in my area. I wasnt born here in this area & only have a very dsyfunctional relationship with my mother, who is my only closeset relative. My son also struggles with social anxiety & only has 2 friends. He mainly socialises with his friends on line & at school, but it seems to end there. Ive tried meeting other parents at my somes school, but havent really clicked with any of them, & alot of them work, unlike me. I feel because Im a single parent, & a single parent whom doesnt work, that I dont seem to fit into any where.I try to contact people who I use to know who live in the city, but they are all so busy with their own lives these days...I hate feeling like Im a nobody that no one seems to ever contact 😞

smallwolf · ‎21-11-2020

hi. My initial thought when you mentioned about being lonely I first thought about volunteering and then I saw your comment about your situation would prevent you from that as well. I assume that would also mean you also would not not able to help out at something like the school tuck shop.

You mentioned paid professional... Would that include a counsellor or psychologist or ???

What sort of hobbies are you interested in?

My own experience ... I know at when I feel low that I don't fit in anywhere, that the people who like me are just putting up a front etc. My mind is good at playing all those tricks on me. It sounds similar for you - you said you don't seem to fit in.

And then, sometimes when I do talk go others and get some of their story, parts of their lives can be interesting and perhaps a connection can form. It can be a bit like finding a diamond in the dust in terms of persistence and difficulty. I would be interested in hearing more of your story.

Tim

Jstar49 · ‎23-11-2020

Hey Lochness,

That sounds really hard for you right now. When you talk about being lonely, and trying to make connections but figure out too late that they're not really right for you, or you wind up feeling betrayed- yeah, I hear you. Small country towns can be tough. And being a single parent without close family support can be really tough. You said your relationship with your mum is dysfunctional- does she live nearby? What's it like when you talk with her?

I'm interested to hear more of your story. Parts of it sound so much like me.

I grew up in the country but moved away to live in the city, only coming back to my home town area after travelling and having my first child (as a single mum).

I've found it hard to find people that I click with. And then, well, stuff happens. People can be strange, and I think I'm only just figuring out that it's not always about me! Often other people have their own problems and it's just that I've walked smack bang into them! I want to learn to avoid those types of situations more I think, but then I can tend to isolate myself which isn't good either.

I hope it helps to know that you're not alone.

Cheers,

Jstar

SarahZ · ‎23-11-2020

Hello lochness46,

Thank you for reaching out and being saw raw with your story. I'm really sorry to hear that you have been dealing with mental and physical health struggles. It must also be really difficult to have a dysfunctional relationship with your mother and also feeling like you do not fit in anywhere. It's really hard to find people we click with. I know personally it takes me ages to find someone I click with. Although its a very slow process, the process is worth it at the end as I end up with some great friends. It might feel really disheartening not being able to connect with anyone on the same level, however with a bit of persistence I find that sooner or later you will find some terrific connections. More than often these connections occur randomly and naturally. I know i met with of my really good friends at a grocery store as we were deciding which mango to pick! Situations like that really highlight how out of the blue great friendships can be formed in. In regards to your son, I'm saddened to hear that he is experiencing social anxiety. If he isn't already, have you considered taking him to receive some professional support? even the school counsellor?

Please do not feel like you are alone. These forums are here to support you and listen to your story.

Wishing you the very best~

lochness46 · ‎31-01-2021

I am really struggling with Depression today. I just cant do anything, constantly tired, just feel I just cant do life. I am single parent & have no friends or family where I live., but my family dont want to know about my mental health struggles anymore. Im still in my pjamas and its after midday where I am. I just dont have the energy to do the things I need to do, when being a parent, I feel SO alone most of the time. I just want to sleep & never wake up 😞

Sophie_M · ‎31-01-2021

Hey Lochness46,

Thanks for joining us today on the Beyond Blue forums. We're so sorry to hear how depressed you're feeling today. We acknowledge how difficult it can be to live with such symptoms of depression and the impact it can have in our lives. We can hear how isolated and unsupported you feel at the moment. Please know our community is here to speak with you and that there is help available.

If you don't have much support where you are at the moment, we'd suggest joining some local support groups or parent groups. You can find information on which support groups are available on the Black Dog Institute site here - https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/support-groups/

Please remember to reach out when you're feeling overwhelmed and needing to talk it through. You're never alone. In these moments you can get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We hope that you keep checking in to let us know how you're going, whenever you feel up to it.

Ggrand · ‎31-01-2021

Hello Dear Lochness...

I am sorry your struggling with your depression today...

Its okay to not be okay and spend a day here and their in your pyjamas....I do that quite often...I think a lot of us in this wonderful community does....

I do understand about small country towns and trying to make friends..the residents here have been friends with each other like for ever..I moved here around 5 years ago, and have only 1 friend...and a neighbour that can be very nice most times..then for some reason starts to be not so nice...I am elderly and find it very lonely most days..my children have made their lives in the big city...7 hours drive away....I wasn’t born here..my late husband wanted to get out of the city...since his passing 7 years ago I am stuck here...financially I cannot move closer to my children....but I will admit that I do love the area I’m living in...it’s peaceful with views of some mountains and some cows across the road...

Im wondering if you would like to volunteer yourself at your local school..maybe 1 day a week..to work in the canteen or help the little ones in their reading..most country schools really appreciate all the help they can get...plus it will help you to be able to connect with the other mothers their...

I volunteer at the bigger town ( approx 35 kilometres) 1 day a week at a well known charity shop....My little village has under 200 residents and no shop at all...it has a small school with only 7-8 students....

Here for you dearest lochness..If and when you feel like talking...Maybe play some nice music and enjoy your day with your beautiful son...the best way for you...

Sending my kindest and most caring thoughts..

Grandy..

Jstar49 · ‎31-01-2021

Hi Lochness,

Hey, it's ok that you're still in your PJ's! When you don't want to be in them anymore, you can change 🙂

What are you and your son doing whilst enjoying being in your pj's? Water is a great distraction for children on a hot day. Even a large bowl for hands to play in, in a place that it's ok to get wet...

It sounds like today is a particularly bad day for you. Please try and take things moment by moment, one day at a time. It's easy to get overwhelmed by these depressed feelings.

Have you got a regular excercise routine? You probably don't feel like it, but excercise is one of the best things for improving the mood. Sure it's not a one time fix all solution, but just getting through this moment, breathing, and being grateful for that breath- this can all help.

Have you checked out the self care thread in wellbeing? So many good ideas for doing small things to look after and show love to ourselves...

I hope you know that you're not alone.

This too shall pass.....

Big Hugs,

J*

lochness46 · ‎31-01-2021

Im SO over living with mental illnesses....its relentless & I through the same processes EVERYTIME!

smallwolf · ‎01-02-2021

Sorry to hear you are struggling.

School is starting again. Are you able to volunteer there? Say in the tuck shop or whatever they call it now. Or do circumstances prevent that?

Also in your initial post you mentioned there are no groups for the hobbies you have. Or words to that effect. What sort of hobbies or things are you interested in?