I feel sad all the time

sares · ‎14-11-2015

Hi.. im new here and wanted to chat to others going through the same thing as i feel no one around me understands it (except my brother who has depression).

I feel sad all the time worthless useless empty alone and like a failure. I feel like I've failed and dissapointed my family especially my kids.

I wake up every day with nothing there nothing to look foward to.

I say and do things that hurt the people im ment to love and feel no remorse. Its like i dont care.

Things i used to be able to do that i enjoyed doing are such an effort.

There are days i dont want to see anyone or do a thing i just stare at things blank and have no idea what im doing or y. Some days i cry n cry and dont no y im crying.. i have days where i can push it all down and continue on but its getting harder and harder to do.. smiling feels strange. I feel trapped in this world in this mind like im stuck in a dark empty whole and i cant get out of it...

This week i went to my dr and she started me on anti depressants ive also seen a psychologist but i struggle to open up and talk. I just want this to go away.

BKYTH · ‎15-11-2015

Yes we all just want it to go away but sometimes it won't. It's good you've started on some medication. Of course your psychologist can only assist you if can be honest with him/her. You are facing a challenge but that's what challenges are for. You need to consider what makes you struggle to open up to the psychologist. There is a reason and you can get some insight into what that is. You must ask yourself "why?" Try and write down anything that comes to mind - Sometimes we are afraid to face certain things and that is ok but will lead nowhere. Perhaps that would be a good issue to raise at your next appointment especially if you can examine the issue yourself and see what you come up with. You are in a terrible place and you must summon the courage to do whatever needs to be done to extricate from it. It won't go away because you want it to otherwise their would be no need for sites like this. Whatever you are confronted with has to be faced and the more you involve yourself in the process the sooner that will be. You know where you are now you need to start building the foundations of where you want to be. Take heart. it has been done and you can do it too. Philip.

HelenM · ‎19-11-2015

Hi, You've come on this site and shared with us. That's a big step. You've been to your GP and started on meds. You're starting on a journey that's hard but is worth it.

Also you recognise how you feel and how you're treating other people. Everything you describe is typical of depression. Some people find it very hard to talk, others find it easy. Perhaps on here you'll be able to talk about things. Things will improve. As the saying goes; the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Take care, Helen

Chicken_Wings · ‎19-11-2015

I think we all have that feeling that we just want it to go away and even now as I myself am in a bout, I can honestly tell you that I know that I won't feel like this forever, and neither will you.

Feeling like this you just want someone to "get" you and your GP, your psychologist and the people here do.
We understand, and it's ok.

Medication has helped me so much, but talking, talking is it's own kind of medicine.
Don't be scared to open up, because there is nothing that you could tell your psychologist that would shock them or surprise them. They will not think you are strange, they will no judge you, they will help you gain perspective and they will be a guide through this.

Be strong Helen

Stormi71 · ‎19-11-2015

You've made the first step. I totally understand that you need someone to really understand. I believe nobody really understands depression until they've suffered it themselves. This is why this forum is so great, we really understand and "get" what others are going through.

The trick with psychologists is find one you mesh with. I saw a psychologist several times, and while she was good, I didnt really connect with her, and tended to hold back and felt stupid. I had a doctors review yesterday, and she said she thinks I should see the psych again. I said I didn't really have a connection with her, so she gave me the name of another one. You need to find one you connect with. You need to find someone that makes you feel so comfortable that you can tell them everything.

tiger1308 · ‎21-11-2015

I've just joined are your headline sad all the time hit a cord with me, I'm also feeling sad all the time. I went to my GP this week to get help and hopefully start therapy soon, I just know sometimes its hard for me to open up and express what I'm feeling. My husband is great but he can't be with me 24/7 to help. I'm hoping this site gives me what i need and to see the amount of people on here and to know we are not alone I'm hoping with give me comfort. I can relate to the crying for no reason and to even smile. But i am trying to something to make me happy every day even if its small. I'm sick of feeling worthless, unhappy and miserable all the time. I hope we can all help each other on here and please write back if you need an ear 🙂

sares · ‎22-11-2015

I would like to say a huge thanks to everyone for there replies. Its great to know were not alone through these dark times.

My dr put me in hospital on Thursday just our general hospital to take me out of my life for a bit for a rest. They upped my antidepressant this morning to 40mg which i was nervous about but am giving it ago.. anything to stop feeling like this.

Hope use are all going well

janazantar · ‎22-11-2015

Hello Sares,

I've been struggling with the worst bout of depression I've experienced in almost 30 years and I'm a lifer so I've had at least 5 major bouts and a decade of chronic depression. It's been 3 solid months of that kind of crying you talk about, lack of joy, deep despair and for the first time thought I may not be able to hang on even for my family this time. I've been seeing my psychologist and GP regularly but they both agreed I needed to see a psychiatrist to review my meds as I wasn't getting better. I'd changed ADs last November 2014 and thought they'd stopped working cause the depression hit really quick and brought me so low I was confused. Although I'd been chronically depressed for a decade I'd been in true remission for almost 2 years. So I went to the psychiatrist because my GP and psychologist were both worried how best to transition medication during a major episode. I think you are amazing and so courageous to make that positive decision to go to hospital. When I was waiting to see the psychiatrist I was ready (although scared) to accept the fact that I too might have to go to hospital but I think because I'd had a break through session 2 days before with my psychologist and night-time AD was starting to kick in she decided I didn't need to. Even better, I'm back on my old AD and luckily the transition was able to be straight away which means I didn't need to slowly reduce one to slowly start up on the other.

Who knows how this disease works. I can tell you that last week I felt like I was trapped in a room that was totally black and even though I was doing all the things to try and get better I'd be constantly crying, over analysing everything with constant negative nattering in my head. I could not see how any of the things I used to like doing ever gave me a moment of enjoyment. But since a breakthrough with my psych and being back on the old ADs I've started to feel a slight shift - the room now has a pin prick of light that I think I might be able to cling to and find my way out. This weekend for the first time in 3 months I actually felt like doing the simplest of gardening tasks and to my surprise enjoyed it! Like all the great responses you've already had I just wanted to share my latest journey but mostly the fact that after such a long, really bad bout of depression there is a chance at feeling different which can lead to feeling slightly better and its been 3 whole days since I cried. Hope you find your way too.

sares · ‎23-11-2015

Thanks Janazantar.. sounds like your getting back on track now coming out of this horrible state.

Was the hardest thing ever hearing i needed hospitalization but its helped in a way my meds are now right ive been out of my life so ive had a rest. Now i have to wait for that little bit of light and re enter my life