I feel like a book that's missing chapters

[Stinson]

I don't know where to start, I don't know if I even suffer from depression or am just a little lost in life.

I'm Stinson, I'm a 23 year old Caucasian male. I haven't had the best luck with employment, everytime I get a break get a job, it falls apart as soon as I get ahead, and I end up back to square one. It's like I can't move forward. I've been going through this for 4 years, and it's stressful.

my relationship history is the only thing more sketchy than my working history, I've had 2 long term relationships, 1 mid term passionate, romantic relationship and then the spark of a pre relationship recently. All of which were unsuccessful and just end in me being hurt more than they are.

 so I'm sort of in a point in life where I don't know what to do, I think it would be easier to not wake up most mornings, and I think about dieing more often than not. I'm not capable of suicide, I couldn't do it, it scares me too much, but I do think it would be easier if I just stopped waking up one morning.

so this is where I'm at, I don't know what's wrong with me, I just thought I'd reach out, because I'm at a point that I need someone but have no one.

 

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[Daisycqt]

Hon suicide is not the answer. It just passes your pain onto your family. Don't be so hard on yourself. Ok so the jobs haven't been right so far but as you spend most of your adult life at work, you're entitled to find a job you like.

Pas for dieting, try thus. Just use a smaller plate for your portions and don't take seconds. And walk round the block in the evening. Weight doesn't pile on overnight, and a diet may help you lose it but I comes back. Change his you eat not what you eat.

as for missing chapters, today's one page, write a new one tomorrow. If that sucks, you can try again the next day, and the day after that. 

No ones ever alone hon, you just need to find your people

[Neil_1]

Hi there Stinson

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and providing your post.

You could be right – being a little lost in life, but with your other thoughts of wanting to not be waking up in the morning is a bit more of a concern.  Though you mentioned that you’re not capable of suicide, I think it’s still very worthwhile that you get along to see a GP to discuss these feelings with someone of a professional nature.   Even if it’s nothing more than a “spit and polish” or “grease and oil change” kind of visit, it might hopefully let you know that things aren’t too bad;  OR it could help out with them being able to give you some professional advice and pointers?

With regard to GP’s, on this site, Beyond Blue have a list of them that can be searched for – the thing with these GP’s is that they are all experienced in dealing with mental health issues and would be best placed to provide you with appropriate advice to help you move forward.

Oh and by the way, you’re just 23yo – you’ve mentioned about having or needing someone – it will happen;  mostly unexpectedly, but being 23yo, is a very good start.  Much better than someone who is, I don’t know know, someone who might be, oh, 49 !!

Cheers and do hope you can respond back.

Neil

[White_Rose]

Hello Stinson

I join Neil in welcoming you to Beyond Blue. You do sound a little confused and as I am a grandmother I can say "It's part of growing up" (smile).

I get the impression that you are not sure what you want in life and that's part of the reason for the relationship breakdowns and the job changes. There's nothing wrong with all this but it does make people unsettled, especially when friends are getting ahead in their employment and love life.

Can I suggest you stop looking so hard and ask for help? Neil has suggested finding a doctor via this website and if you do not have GP it's a good idea. It's really great to sit down with a person who is objective and tell them where you are at, or not at, as the case may be. Look under the Get Support tab at the top of the page, then Find A Professional.

About your suicidal thoughts. I was told that we have these thoughts as a kind of control mechanism. When life is getting out of hand and everything is so overwhelming, we look for a solution to the problem. Sometimes the only solution that seems as though it will work is dying. Well, it's a pretty final solution and sad because these problems can be fixed.

However I do understand why we think like that. The thought of suicide is a bit like holding on to a life jacket when you are almost drowning. The jacket will not save you but you can hold on until help comes. But then you have to let it go and swim towards the help. I believe you will not cling on to the jacket and eventually drown as it loses bouyancy but will choose to swim to the help.

So try not to dwell on suicidal thoughts as they can become a habit which will be hard to lose. Instead, look for help and actively take steps to go there. The doctor can refer you to a psychologist if necessary.  You may not need to chat to a psych or perhaps just have a couple of sessions to get you back on track. It's up to you, but please know we are here to help and support you as much as possible.

When you are having a particularly bad day try phoning the BB helpline. Someone is always there 24/7. The number is 1300 22 4636.

Please write back and let us know how you are going.

Mary