I don't like the world since 2012

[LostPigeon407]

I don't like my generation, not only with modern music, but because I am religious and too rare to relate with their modern secular differences. I also don't like the economy today and the expense of living or with education. I prefer 2000's and 1990's clothing and that is not what they make today. Despite knowing Australia's alright, I prefer the cultural attitude of a collectivist society and I hate the individualist approach for numerous reasons. I definitely don't like how modern people don't have any humility and can't take accountability for when their in the wrong, people are too shallow and socially superficial and the look others down with stigma. I also wish people were more light hearted and that actions were still seen as louder than words, rather than controversial because you said something that should be forgotten about by tomorrow.

[Sophie_M]

Hi all,

Thank you all for contributing to such an insightful discussion, we just wanted to jump in and offer some addtional support and tips that may be helpful.

We wanted to emphasise that everyone's experience is valid and as unique individuals, we all experience the world differently. Having difficulties finding a place that fits is common particularly in youth but often throughout life as we go through different transitions and have to find a new place to 'fit'. It can often help to connect with others who share similar interests, this might be in a particular decade of music, for example. Often people are able to find others who may share their unique interest online. 

For difficult moments when you may feel lonely or feeling like you want to talk through your feelings, the Beyond Blue counsellors are here for you and would welcome your call or online chat, anytime it would help you to speak to someone.  
 
We also wanted to share a few of articles we thought you might like. We’re hoping some of them can bring you a bit of hope or new ideas: 

• Fun activities to do on your own 
• Finding your tribe 
• I know I need support, but how do I ask for it? 

It is wonderful that you have been able to reach out for support here on the forums. You never know who might read this thread and feel less alone in their own experience.  

Kind regards, 

Sophie M 

[LostPigeon407]

1) I hate my generation in numerous ways beyond their modern music, I hate how their more insecure and in my opinion they confront with un wanted opinions. I believe their more materialistic, shallow and superficial since they have evolved during the 21st century. Their too much the opposite of me. 

2) I can't have confidence when I've hated my father all my life & for good reasons and when I had high school bullies that I knew mostly for a decade since 2008. 

3) I can't have confidence when I have to have un wanted involuntary medication for a misdiagnosis of Schizophrenia that I can't prove, that I now have to live with a form of diabetes and with stretch marks & without a gallbladder. I also have un wanted spirituality that started in 2021 but I can differentiate without doubt that it's not mental or anything psychotic. I am tired of not being able to stop them from connecting through me, it's un wanted abuse and I know only the American's have my beliefs. I identify with older generation American's and I want a strongly religious community and a country that offers political diverse views. I don't want to live in a country that tells me I can only believe what I'm told to think. I've always been religious since I was 8 this has nothing to do with having any diagnosis. I'm tired of the whole process of needing medical certificates and eventual occupational assessments just to be granted to drive. I'm tired of having to pay my own money and get doctor scripts and run to the chemist every month for un wanted pharmaceuticals.

4) I always wanted to be rap musical in my own way, but I had all these problems above and so I could never attempt to pursue rapping.

[LostPigeon407]

I don't have a future anyway. I have no payed work history at 29. I don't want University and I'm not eligible since I've never done Year 12 VCE. I don't want any TAFE construction, apprenticeships or certificates. I am with a job disability recruiter and she's only virtually saying to do factory or retail since I don't want hospitality, and retail is virtually sales that I don't want either. There's virtually nothing or no sense of direction for me. I also have to contend against the economy and Australia's national recession.  

I have low self esteem with society, I was bullied socially and physically during high school for a decade since 2008 from high school peers, but I'm mostly thinking back to 2013 - 2018 when I was dealing with two of them for 5 years after high school & trying to make toxic friendship's work, Until I realised I was just done with them. While even since 19 one of their mothers was putting me down and calling me a loser and saying I don't deserve Centrelink.

I hate living with remission diabetes and with white stretch marks, I'm upset that I have to be stuck with involuntary treatment since I disagree with being Schizophrenic. I was only diagnosed because I made a few destructive attempts on my life when I was younger. Now I have to have medical certificates and occupational assessments to drive. I have to also get doctor scripts and run to the chemist every month and use my own pension money to buy un wanted pharmaceuticals.  

I also have realised the world is evil, people either don't care about anyone mostly, people either are responsible for your problems or they sadly enjoy them. The world is shallow and socially superficial, People aren't truthfully genuine and everyone paints a charade of who they are and how they live. Everyone's vain to be their own individual success and their gate keepers or narcissistic with being the better intelligence with anything.

I also resent my father who used to be a sharpie when he was apparently younger. He is emotionally and psychologically the most impactful. He tells me negatively to not burn the house down if I'm cooking anything, even if it's just instant noodles on the gas stove. He used my driving set backs & the covid too to suggest to my mother that I shouldn't be driving. He was arguing that you don't need your driving with employers. He uses my diagnosis against me and provokes me when he sais discriminating things that make me livid or threatens to get me admitted to a mental hospital. He tells himself that I don't want to work & he makes it optional to leave home with DSP and no work history or sense at 30, regardless wither rent accommodation is easy to get. He blackmails and sais it's my allowance which is from the government anyway. At family Xmas instead of saying I don't want to be there because I can make my own choices as a adult, He tells them I'm inept or socially anxious and conveys a mental picture about me. He doesn't know his sons and he only understands himself, His not love in my honest opinion, His strange to somehow allegedly care while being useless and neglecting his kids all his life despite paying the bills and keeping behind the T.V.. I've always dreamt to be financially free from him. His done other bad things, especially when he once made it out to be that my problems were all more about my virginity and he didn't listen to the fact I was more concerned about my independence and financial future. His got other numerous dysfunctional differences.

[LostPigeon407]

I'm sick of how some people can be mistreating others and have all the confidence and lead to a promising future and never face karma. I had negative friends following from high school and they just literally tell themselves that I was the problem and nothing I say can affect them or get to them but they can impact my emotions and social esteem even just with thinking of them. 

There's so much difference with society, wither it's generations, personalities, innocence and I find I can only handle people who are understanding. I hate anyone who has certain qualities like being pretentious or vainglorious, I hate people who are under a social class mentality. I have always been living in a victim mentality that the world has to treat me the way my mother does, Otherwise I literally define myself to be under confident with society, It's kind of a mental illness with my personality trait.

[therising]

Hi LostPigeon407

I find deeply feeling highly sensitive people are in a class of their own. They are able to feel more deeply than most and can sense a heck of a lot more than most. With the old saying 'To come to your senses', highly sensitive people are a good part of the way there. How to sense masterfully becomes the next step.

There's also a saying those goes a little like 'Be nice to people on the way up. They may be the same people you meet on the way down', so there's a need to be conscious of who we've stepped all over, in getting to the top. In a lot of cases, the kind of folk who step all over people do meet with karma, we're just not necessarily there to witness it. They can be the type of people who never learn from karma and continue to blame everyone else, such as with a person who treats their spouse and kids horribly and arrogantly, who finds themself divorced for the 4th time with their kids not wanting to have anything to do with them. Not having learned, they'll say 'My ex wives/husbands and kids were all difficult and selfish. For some reason they just couldn't see what a great guy/gal I am'. Or there can be a business person who everyone learns they can't trust. Those people have learned the hard way. Not having learned through karma, this business person may continue to dictate how everyone around them is stupid and doesn't recognise a good business deal when they hear one. In both cases these people who have been abandoned (understandably) tend to go out and find people who don't know them, those who are yet to learn a tough lesson.

On the other hand, you can have deeply feeling highly sensitive people, who are capable of feeling or sensing what brings joy to others or inspiration or compassion and so on. Often such people will have a good filter, based on their own experience with what it's like to feel words. Such people can be careful (full of care) with their words because they know of how impacting words can be. My favourite people would have to be deeply feeling highly sensitive ones. They're just so much easier to get along with a lot of the time. I find they tend to be far more conscious than unfeeling or insensitive people 🙂.

Give a sensitive person the job of getting a feel for every person's nature in a room of 100 people. Having learned the ability to read people (through life experience), they'll feel or sense who's arrogant, who's genuinely nice, who's super easy to get along with, who appears nice but there's something off about them (they could be acting nice), who's an absolutely repulsive degrading egotist and so on. Put 2 sensitive people in the same room together, with the same job, and they'll both be in agreement with what they're feeling or sensing about people. I've found it pays to know sensitive people. It can be amusing under certain circumstances, especially when it comes to reading a room 😁.

[LostPigeon407]

I truthfully want to die, I suffered all during high school and for a few years after high school with toxic  relationship's, that still impact my esteem emotionally and socially, mentally. Just thinking of those two friends makes me feel angry and voiceless. 

I am also responsible but have been tragically mistakenly misdiagnosed with Schizophrenia and they otherwise wrongly think that I could be autistic or asperges. I have a unpleasant reality now of needing to have yearly medical reviews and possibly eventual occupational assessments to ensure I can drive from their perspective. I have to get doctor scripts and run to the chemist every month and use my own money and purchase un wanted pharmaceuticals. I also have to live now with being a diabetic and with belly stretch marks and involuntary treatment, I don't have a voluntary choice to get off the meds. 

I also have a horrible father that is vain behind the T.V., His useless, dysfunctional and negatively opinionated, He has done many bad things. I have a helicopter mother too, I am greatly dependent on her, she loves me so much and cares about me, but she never actively taught me or helped me learn to do things on my own. She either did everything for me or she virtually gives my twin brother the role of handling my issues. Their both at times using my diagnosis against me to win arguments or manipulate my personality and feelings as being because of the diagnosis. I also had years of knowing my Dad's friend that I don't like and my father's sister.

I am almost 29 without any payed work history & direction, I have a blank resume despite it showing a year of volunteering. I don't want any entry industries like hospitality, sales, factory or even retail doesn't seem what I want to do. I don't want anything through University, I haven't done VCE and I am not eligible or the academic type either way. I don't want any TAFE construction, apprenticeship or certificates and everyone thinks my lack of direction is because I have a disability or a diagnosis that I don't agree with even having. Because I had high school, my parental differences and my psychiatry suffering it took me away from ever having creative confidence to ever be musical.

I am also a virgin forever and I can't actively pursue women when I am not leading full time employment, I don't have a mortgage because I can't afford since I haven't been actively working. I have to live with knowing that my parents would provide no money or encouragement for me to have my driving, I only got it because I am granted Centrelink DSP. 

[Eagle Ray]

Dear LostPigeon407,

 I can hear that you have been through many really demoralising experiences and I really feel for you. It is understandable you feel hurt and that life is a struggle.

What I am wondering is whether you can take one small thing and just work on that. Maybe a creative project to do with music? I know you have mentioned it as an interest but have felt that you don’t have the creative confidence. But perhaps just approach it without any expectations at this stage other than exploring and enjoying the process. I know there are computer programs such as Garage Band and many others where you can write and record your own music into the computer. Have you thought of just exploring creative possibilities for enjoyment?

In 2010 I decided I wanted to learn digital photography. I borrowed books from the library on it and read them. I then bought my first DSLR camera. I began to take photos and have been learning and growing my skills ever since.

When I am really down it is one thing I can go to that always lifts me. It gives me a creative focus from the taking of photos through to editing them on the computer afterwards. I love it so much that even today when I’ve been feeling really down, the one thing that helped me was watching and learning new things from YouTube videos on photography.

Being immersed in a creative activity can help the ruminating part of the brain that is going over and over things to calm down. This part of the brain is called the default mode network that gets overactive at times. Being truly absorbed in something such as a creative interest can help ease the suffering that can occur with ruminating.

You could even try photography or some form of art or whatever it is that you may feel drawn to. I’m just trying to think of ways for you to break the cycle you are in. Sometimes it can help to not so much focus on the totality of our whole life, but to come back to the present moment and just focus on one small thing we can do now to feel a bit better. I know it is hard and I am also worrying about the totality of my life at the moment, but the respite from that is being absorbed in photography which actually changes how my brain is working and gives me some enjoyment and a sense of hope. That hope may be as simple as thinking about the possibility of taking out my camera tomorrow and what images I may be able to capture. I’m still struggling with depression at the moment but it is something that keeps me tethered to life and I know I always find meaning and enjoyment in it.

 So sometimes just starting one thing and seeing where it goes can be of help. You don’t have to solve your whole life right now. See what small happiness you can find in something that engages you and see where it takes you. Sometimes that’s the only real starting point we have as we cannot change the past or control the future, nor solve every problem quickly and easily. But there is always some small thing we can do now to feel a little better which is a beginning.

All the best and I hope you can start to feel better soon,

ER

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I was misdiagnosed 20 years ago with ADHD, it was bipolar2 and other issues. Now the latest suggestion by a wonderful psychologist is I'm also high functioning Aspergers. 

People on DSP can work up to a certain income each week and retain their DSP pension. For a single person thats $180 a fortnight or approx $4680 per annum. Over $180 in one fortnight you lose 50 cent in the dollar. See Centrelink for more details.

So let's assume you get work and it's $30 an hour... thats 6 hours a fortnight. Let's say its 3 hours a week on a Saturday morning. If thats all you have to work to get that income, does it really matter what job you get? Eg collecting shopping trolleys for a supermarket? And you have listed many fields of work that many other people dont have any choice in working in those jobs, getting work to advance yourself, your quality of life and saving money will make your life so much better. People around you that think its your disability that stops you getting work might be incorrect however, you havent proved them wrong by getting a job, so it endorses their beliefs. 

My own opinion having had about 90 jobs and 15 professions (thats likely due to the bipolar and Asperger's) is that it is easier to not find work if you have an income. That's just a fact, not saying you are lazy. If you didnt have DSP you'd likely be working now. So yes I'm concerned that getting a job when the national unemployment rate is at an all time low, hasnt been pursued because you have too many restrictions on the type of work you dont like. Most people begin at the bottom of the ladder with jobs then get promoted and can end up managers. Or they work at a job they dont like then look for one the like. This is normal.

I worked as a barman and hated it so stayed in the job until I could get a dog ranger job then after a while became a private investigator a job I loved and did it for 18 years. But I would not have got the PI job if I didnt do the dog ranger job so this leap frogging is how you get to better jobs.

People using your diagnosis against you isnt nice and they should stop. Perhaps they are frustrated that they see you as not motivated and fussy. 

You might need to prove people wrong. Good luck

TonyWK

[LostPigeon407]

I literally think I must have Asperger's Syndrome or Autism.

1) I am a highly sensitive person and I don't like anyone that isn't understanding or friendly. I wish to bash anyone who mistreats me or bullies, but I would never actually do so. I have a inability to stand up to bullies and was bullied for years. I end up just wanting to stay home and I generalise the world is all bad like they were in high school. I don't generally like people who are socially superficial or make small talk. I've always been too genuine and original and I'm not willing to play along with society's stupid ways. I don't like people who are too out spoken in anyway or anyone who is hypocritical. I let people define my tolerance and wither people from my past impact my esteem moving forward. It lead me to become in a victim mentality where I believe I can be artistic but that the world was against me, Until I realised I have this personality and that everyone else was doing their musical interests and not with the same feelings that bothered me. I hate noises like the water tap or cutlery when talking / loud places. I understand myself better than adapting to peoples different personalities.

2) I don't like anyone that breaks against the rules, It's delinquent to me, It's un attractive and I can't understand how others are confident to rebel, It's just something I would never do, even if I would ever want to.

3) I overthink about everything that bothers me and write notes about things, Or things I just notice. Otherwise I'm always feeling I have to text my mother to be understood. I just believe if one person understands than maybe the next will and it's just a un realistic validation. It's the way I justify to have esteem through being understood. I've never affectively been able to believe in myself and handle conflicts, or I think about it years later.

4) The idea of living on my own, not only with managing time, but with punctuality and with having to put first the errands or responsibilities that I would hate to do. As well as having to work full time, just to survive financially, while enduring work, everything doesn't suit me, wither it's cliché dream occupations or conventional careers and the studying too.

6) The idea of going to any other state or overseas alone is absolutely impossible without question.

7) I like the idea of intimacy but even if I had the ideal life & situation I feel I'm never the person to actually go ahead with those experiences. I also had 1 infatuation.  

[lmnop]

I feel Similar to you on so many levels.