I don't like myself

[reading456]

Hi. I don't like myself,  I compair myself to others and it gets me depressed because I don't look pretty like them. I over eat because I don't feel good enough. 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Reading458,

Welcome to the forums..

Comparing ourselves, with what others have, look like  can be very upsetting and completely of no value to us…everyone is uniquely different…

When we look in the mirror, we see only the outside of who we really are….Our real self is our soul and our heart, something we all never really look at…being a kind and caring person is what people see us for….

Many people have bodily flaws, I’m one, it took me a long time to learn that being myself and liking myself, flaws and all…is opening a small gate in my brain to peace…Please Reading, embrace your beautiful self and enjoy everyday that you are blessed with…

Sometimes over eating can be a sight of depression, can you talk to someone about how you’re feeling, maybe your parents, Aunty/Uncle, or even a close friend?….

Here for you sweetheart if you feel to talk some more…

Thinking of you with care and kindness..

Grandy..

[ABC01]

Dear reading456,

I am really sorry that you currently feel this way about yourself. Our own self-esteem and worth is often fueled by comparing ourselves with others. Tv, the internet and social media is full of unrealistic expectations on ourselves and also unattainable for people who aren't mega rich. And it really isn't a healthy cycle in your mind to keep engaging.

Perhaps you could ask yourself this question. The people you compare yourself too, do you actually know them? Do you know what they might do day in and day out to achieve this? Could they possibly not be happy either?

Also beauty is subjective. What one person may find beautiful, the next doesn't. Comparing yourself to anyone stalls your own life and life experiences. You get trapped in self-hate and your motivation to go outside and enjoy life is hindered that you are not good enough, for reason a,b&c. You only get to live your life,in your body. Not in anyone elses.

However I think you are good enough. Have you asked yourself of all the things you have achieved? Have you congratulated yourself on those achievements? Have you truly never looked at your own self and not found one thing you like? It could be your long fingers and fingernails. It could be the color of your hair in the sunlight. The shape of your earlobes and how earrings look great in them. The size of your feet and how shoes look so good in them. (I have size 11 feet,so wearing heels of any kind it hard!), your long lashes or a certain mole/beauty mark anywhere? All you have to do is start with one. And then grow from there.

I'd also like to share a secret with you. People these days are so self absorbed with their own selves, they really aren't taking any notice of anyone else. Do you notice how many people have there faces stuck in their phones,even as they cross a street with actual moving cars on it. So you don't have to be worried about others looking at you and judging you. If you aren't an influencer or celebrity, people aren't interested.

It is more a self-esteem thing and that is okay. I don't know many people who don't have something about themselves they don't like. But being "pretty" isn't the only thing that matters. Being smart,being kind and being a good friend/family member are more desirable things. Having a passion in life and doing your best to help that passion make the world a better place. Or perhaps even make a few dollars if you are the creative type. You have so much to give.

And it sounds as if you are emotionally eating to help numb the pain. Perhaps you can read up on articles about this and see if you can find a different coping mechanism.

I sincerely hope you can find small things to love about yourself because you are worth it.

ABC01

[therising]

Hi reading456

Not sure whether you can relate but I do believe one of the greatest all time struggles, when it comes to mental health, would have to involve inner dialogue. It can be absolutely brutal, anxiety inducing and deeply depressing at times. I think one of the best books I've read would have to be 'Insanely Gifted - Turn Your Demons Into Creative Rocket Fuel', by Jamie Catto. I like Catto's take on things, with the idea that we have many facets, some divine and some not so divine, which we could label our 'Inner Demons' (hence the name of the book). Boy, can they make life hell at times. I've found it becomes a matter of working with my inner demons, as opposed to simply wishing they didn't exist.

Some of my darker facets will always exist, it just depends on whether they're triggered to life or not, under certain circumstances. For example, my harsh and brutal depressing inner critic thrives on me looking in mirrors when I'm depressed. As a 53yo gal, it can sound a bit like 'Look at you, look at how much weight you've put on. What happened to you? You used to look amazing and now you look like sh**. Look at those wrinkles and lines that never used to be there. And look, there's pimple that just adds to it all, all the imperfections'. My gosh, it could go on for a good 5 minutes or more, as long as I'm standing in front of that mirror. When I'm in a good frame of mind and it starts, I'm more inclined to think 'Oh, my god, seriously?! Don't start. Your are seriously depressing. Get the hell out of my head!'. While I may sound a little insane, talking to this part of myself, it's what works for me. I actually met a guy who gave this facet of himself a name, like Fred or Bob (I can't recall the exact name).

Then there's my inner demon I like to call 'the saboteur'. It sounds all nice and caring but it's not. If I'm down, it triggers the emotional eater in me, with something along the lines of 'You'd be so much happier with chips and chocolate and an all day binge in front of Netflix. You deserve it. Just sit back and relax' and on it can go, until I find myself at the supermarket in the chip and choc aisles. I laugh when I say, it's like they work in tandem, my saboteur and inner critic. My saboteur helps me put the weight on and then my critic comments on the weight gain when I look in the mirror.

As I say, there are divine facets to us too. While our inner sage might be hard to hear at times, it may suggest stuff like 'You're struggling with this challenge, you need to find a guide. This one's too hard to manage alone' or 'Why not go on the beyond blue forums, you never know who you might meet and what they have to offer you'.

[reading456]

Thankyou Grundy.

[reading456]

Thankyou.

[Guest_28173449]

hi reading456,

i am so, so sorry to hear this. what you are going through is so incredibly tough- it is exhausting having to compare yourself to others all of the time. i want you to know that you are absolutely not alone. i too go through quite intense periods of self comparison, and while i don’t know exactly what it is like for you, i can empathise through what it is like for me. please know that you are so incredibly important- beyond what you look like, what your personality is like, what others say or what your mind tells you. i promise you are. 

sometimes i use social media to compare myself to others. i’ve been working on unfollowing pages and people that i draw upon for self comparison, and it helps a lot. maybe if you’re in the same boat, you can give that a try?

i know it sounds so silly and hard to believe but i do believe that everyone is beautiful. what society and social media tells you is pretty one day, may not be considered pretty another day. it puts us in a vicious cycle of always wanting to be something we are not. there is so much more to life than doing that. 

what really shines through for most people is what’s inside you (again, so many people try to tell you that, but it’s true). i don’t choose to love the people i’m around because of how they look, i love them because they are individual. if you wouldn’t compare the appearance of your friends to that of others, then you shouldn’t compare your appearance to others, either. you are your life long best friend. please take care of yourself.

you are loved, worthy and so pretty.

[reading456]

Thankyou.