I don't know anymore

[Skuz89]

Hi my name is Brett

i have just recently diagnosed with server depression, I don't know what really to say but my wife said to do something about and I'm trying my hardest. Don't want to lose her or my daugther. I've been on medication for two days and my thoughts are just relying on the medication, but I don't know what else to do.

I don't know if anyone knows how to help but everyone is trying to.  Just feel like crying all the time just feel like I'm a failure I'm not a good dad husband work, feel like I'm a failure as a person, I get angry with everything I do, feel like putting a few holes in the wall then I brake down and cry just want to b left alone just hate feeling like this, and it's to do with my past as well, and how I am financially with debt feels like I let my family down everyday with everything I say or do, I don't know what to say or do without thinking it's going to cause a problem or a fight or something that I'll hate myself more. That's y gave up football last year and gave up gym I just don't believe anymore. And I'm scared that I'm going to do the same to my family and don't want to do that my girls. But I can't stop the way I'm thinking and feel and how I get so angry with everything I do. Feels like I'm walking around on eggs shells waiting for someone to have a go at me every minute. If someone says I've done a good job I still think I could've done better and hate myself for it. I had a panic attack which I never had before signing happy birthday to a follow colleague had to walk out felt like I couldn't breath. I get angry during the night while I sleep my jaw hurts coz I clinch my teeth my wife says I get all tense and scared of waking me, I wake up angry one day or wake up upset another day.

dont know what else to do 😞

Sorry

[Fairywings]

Hi brett im venessa nice to meet you and welcome to this amazing group of people. Im sorry to hear you are going through this, it sadeness me to hear your pain. I really feel you need to speak to local gp and he can refer you on to some professional support to help you through this time and get ur life back with ur beautiful family. Please do not be sorry that is what we r here for, a set of ears for you to vent and let it all out. I hope this has helped in some way please come back to us and let us know how and if the gp visit went well for you, i just really feel you are needing so much extra emotional support right now in ur life. please take care of urself Venessa and please keep in touch xx

[addiee]

Hi Brett,

I'm really sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. I know how you feel, I experience some of those things too, and it can be really hard to push through all the negativity. One thing you should think about is that all those thoughts about feeling like a failure or like you're letting people down are coming from the negative voice of your depression, these things aren't true. You're not a failure and you're not letting your family down. 

You mentioned you've started on medication, so I'm guessing this means you've spoken about these issues to your GP. If you haven't already, I strongly recommend you ask for a refferal to see a psychologist, as they can help you work through all of this. 

Good Luck, and I wish you the best!

[pipsy]

Hi Brett.  My heart goes out to you on reading your post.  You are never alone, no matter how you might see the outer world.  You have just been prescribed AD's.  Were you given any advise about them?  It usually takes up to about 7 days for the AD's to start working.  During this time, you're in a type of suspended animation, waiting to start feeling good about yourself.  Are you seeing a psychiatrist about your very severe depression.   You really should ask your Dr to refer you to a psych.  You can also ring lifeline, BB, there are trained counsellors in both 'camps' ready to talk you through the darkness that surrounds you.  Don't be ashamed to cry either. Crying is a good way of getting rid of the pain you're obviously in.  The anger you're experiencing is because you feel helpless to fight this thing alone.  Possibly, also because men aren't supposed to have these feelings.  Men are brought up to believe they're the 'bread winners', they're not supposed to cry because that's 'sissy'.  You are human, first, man second.  Second meaning pain doesn't differentiate because of gender.  Whether you're a child, grown up, whatever, emotional pain hurts and needs addressing the same as physical pain.  Try and get to see a psych for some coping strategies so when you're feeling down, you have some ideas how to climb back up from that deep hole you're in.  Depression is like being in a deep hole, unable to climb out without help.

Maybe if you could get some counselling, your wife could accompany you so she learns how to help you too. 

We're here, buddy.  You're never alone.