I can’t seem to forgive myself

[Anzacspirit]

Four months ago I made a huge mistake, everything I’d ever stood for morally I threw away. I have been forgiven by those that matter most for what I’ve done but I can’t seem to forgive myself. I can be ok for days and then the nightmare of what I’ve done comes back. My psych says I have to forgive myself, I’m human and we make mistakes. I just can’t get over the guilt of what I did. I get so angry at myself for letting things get out of hand that led to my mistake. How can others forgive me but I can’t . It’s doing my head in.

[white knight]

Hi AS, welcome

I have some threads you can read directly on this topic. Use google, you only have to read the first post

beyondblue topic guilt the tormentor

beyondblue topic worry worry worry

beyondblue topic depression and sensitivity- a connection?

remember-

Everyone has a skeleton in their closet... those that say they don’t, walk around with one all the time!

TonyWK

[smallwolf]

It's an odd question and one that I cannot answer. And forgiveness of yourself may not happen overnight. In your post you said that everything you stood for morally you threw away - perhaps there is your reason for your not being about to forgive yourself. Your getting angry as well. Perhaps you feel that you "should" not have allowed yourself to get into that position, and to make it worse, do whatever it was you did? Your psych is right about being human and making mistakes.

For myself I can accept others making mistakes but not myself and go from the space of its a mistake to I'm utterly useless and they will see how stupid I am.This all started in my school days and I am nearly 50. And so it takes time to heal.

Perhaps if it is the worst thing you could imagine doing then it may take time.

I don't know how long you have been seeing a psych or what methods s/he uses but give yourself time and a little faith in the process, and little by little things can improve. I have been told to look how far I have come, rather than seeing how far to go.

If you want to talk about it, I am here.

Tim

[White_Rose]

Dear Anzacspirit

Good to hear from you and I am glad you have reached out here for help. Tim, Tony and me have all gone through these sorts of horrid times. Forgiving ourselves is so hard. Your emotions are so involved and every time you think about your past you get overwhelmed with guilt. Not a good place to be.

What would you say to a friend in your position? It's hard to answer because you feel the words you give a friend do not apply to you. You are the most guilty person around. Sound true? I was talking to my doctor this afternoon about something very much like this. We can see other people quite clearly but when it comes to ourselves all the emotions kick in and you feel as though you have been dumped by a huge wave. Well actually you have, emotionally of course.

It is often impossible to think straight in these circumstances. If you have nothing to do other than beat yourself up about the situation you will continue to be affected by your thoughts. So make a list of the activities you could do to get past this point with as few bruises as possible. Put the list on your fridge door or somewhere similar. Then when you feel overwhelmed you have a list of distractions without the need to go through another thought process. Pick one, any one and get on and do it.List the good stuff. A favourite hobby, weeding the garden (don't forget your hat), cooking of some sort or perhaps for sheer indulgence a Black Forest cake. Anything that requires your full attention. No TV or reading, as you can continue to think about your experience.

I suggest turning to one of these diversion as soon. as possibw

Mary

[blondguy]

Hello Anzacspirit

Thanks for being a part of the forum family. It is difficult to comment yet I do know guilt is a harsh mistress

There used to be an excellent thread here called 'How to Forgive Yourself'....I am in my late 50's and still dont understand the concept as yourself...I think..

WhiteRose...TonyWK and Smallwolf have provided excellent advice/references above

WhiteRose..(Mary) mentioned a noteworthy point...."What would you say to a friend in your position?" I will be placing this advice on my refrigerator for my own guilt issues

As Smallwolf (Tim) mentioned...."If you want to talk about it, we are here"

The forums are a safe and non judgemental place for you to post Anzacspirit. Your privacy and well being are paramount to the Beyond Blue forums

my kind thoughts

Paul