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I can laugh but it doesn't reach my heart

scorch
Community Member

Hi guys.  I am so emotionally empty today.  Disconnected.  Like all my feelings are having a holiday, or I'm viewing them from another room.  They are there... but not there.

I can laugh but it doesn't reach my heart.  Or smile but it doesn't reach my eyes.

I don't feel bad.  I don't feel good.  I just feel empty.

Like there's nothing inside me.  Like I've got nothing left to give. 

I don't know why.  Life is going great for me right now, things are really starting to pick up.  So why am I so numb?

What can I do to feel again? 

5 Replies 5

Girl_Anachronism
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hi Scorch,

It's a terrible state to be in. Worse yet there often seems no reason why we feel so depressed. When I get that way I try watch a movie or listen to a piece of music ( for me it's my favourite musical) that would normally stir up alot of emotion in me. Your favourite place- in a park or in the oter direction, perhaps going somewhere you have never been might trigger something.

Hope I could be of service,

GA

Guest_3712
Community Member

Hey Scorch,

I know how you feel.

I went with my husband fishing the other day to a beautiful spot. The weather was gorgeous, it was peaceful and stunning views. All was good with the world and yet I felt nothing. Neither here nor there.

I think we just need to accept this is part of our depression and wait for it to pass.

Sorry Don't have anything to offer.

hang in there and

Be kind to yourself

Stressless

Neil_1
Community Member

Hi Scorch

I understand exactly what you’re saying.  That’s why having this illness is just so damned hard to explain.  If you said that to Joe Citizen or Jane Citizen on the street, they’d probably look at you and say something like, “What the ….??”   “What in the world are you talking about?”

And that’s just the thing – explaining it away to someone who doesn’t suffer just seems so terribly hard and difficult, but when you wrote what you did, both myself and GA and Stressless have understood it and I have no doubt that a massive number of others of “us” would understand and nod and say “Yes, I know exactly what you’re talking about”.  It’s sad and hard, isn’t it.

Good advice though from GA … and is there a chance you could pop into some exercise this arve or something?   Maybe put on a nice piece of ‘workout’ muzak and just go for it – if nothing else, you’ll have burned a few calories, which is always a good thing to do.

Just a thought.

Kind regards

Neil

scorch
Community Member

Thank you for replying GA, Stressless and Neil.

It's comforting to know that someone else understands, although I wish you didn't... because I wouldn't wish this on anyone.  I hate the hollowness so much.  I know you guys must hate it too.

GA - thanks for your advice.  I have just finished work and have to wait around town until my husband is finished at 5.  I usually spend this time at my mothers and, if she is there, we'll play scrabble or do some chores.  I like your suggestions, if I can summon the energy I might find my way down to the park this afternoon and watch the water flow by.  Maybe that will stir my spirit.

Stressless - I understand what you are saying.  I've had so many times when I know I should be having a great time, or overwhelmed by the beauty of the world... but I just stand there going 'huh' or faking it so as not to ruin someone else's good vibes.  It's so hard to accept this emptiness, but you're right... it does pass.  I just have to keep remembering that.  Thank you.  You be kind to yourself too please xox

Neil - I definitely want to burn some more calories.  I will be hopping on the treadmill and bike again tonight and see if that lifts me some.  I just want to take this time and say, over these last couple of months you have helped to keep my spirits up so much.  I don't think you realise just how helpful your words of encouragement have been, or how much your advice, perspective and understanding means to me.  You always have a kind word to say and time for those of us who are hurting, even though you are struggling yourself.  I don't know how you do it, but I am grateful that you do.  Thank you for being so great Neil.

Jo3
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Scorch

I can relate to what you're saying.   

Stressless, GA and Neil have all given you such great advice.

I don't know what else to say but I am thinking of you and sending you a hug

Take care

Jo xx