Hurting every one else around me.

[k_therase]

Hi to all, 

5 years ago I lost the most important person in my life my mum. 3 months later i lost my step dad to suicide. 3 months after that my uncle passed away too. In between these years too my best friends brother committed suicide, my boyfriends mum committed suicide too and my gran passed away. 
Yes it all sounds like a huge thing, and they are. but 5 years down the track i feel like i should not be stressing over the past. Yet this year i dropped out of year 12, lost all my friends and feel like I'm loosing myself among it all. 
The only thing that is bothering me though is the other people who I'm hurting, while I get into my moods, my depressed stages i go into shut down mode. I don't care about my own well being, only everyone else around me, yet no one see's that. 
But why is this happening now? 

[vip]

Hi k,theerase you poor thing you have been through so much here. Its actually too much to cope with on your own i would say to go and speak to your gp and get a referral to speak to a psych that way you can get some strategies for coping and getting through this mess. Check out www.facebook. secondtononefashionevent. A mum from my sons school has lost her mother to suicide 4 yrs ago and we are doing a fashion fundraising event to honour her and raise money for st vinnies mental health. Please dont feel alone here and you must care about your well being you are very special and important this is all happening to you now because you are suffering with post traumatic stress and depression i actually suffer with it also things from the past are coming back its really common. Take care

[Chris_B]

Hi k.therase,

Everyone responds differently to grief, and sometimes it can take years for it to catch up on us – and that’s with losing one person, let alone so many people close to you.  

The important thing is that you are self-aware enough to recognise what is happening; that your behaviour has changed, that you are pushing people away and perhaps hurting them.  The next stage is to start talking to the people in your life about what’s going on for you, and let them know – people can’t always see when we’re not feeling great, and sometimes if we’re hiding it because we’re ashamed or think we should be able to ‘get over it’ then it makes it harder to spot.

Did you ever go through counselling or therapy at the time your mum passed away?  Even if you did, it might be a good idea to revisit it, as our feelings change over time and it sounds like you need some help to deal with the specific negative thoughts and behaviours that are worrying you now.

Best
CB
 ______________________________ 
Online Community Manager 

[Super_Nurse]

Hello Miss

My Dad passed away suddenly when I was 17, and that's 11 & a bit years ago now.  I've had other deaths in my family in that time too and each of those has compounded how I feel (and felt at the time) about when my Dad died.  Being my Mum's only child (I have 3 half siblings from Dad's first marriage) I was told by everyone around me at the time he died to 'Take care of Mum' and to 'Be strong for Mum' and I used to get things like 'Your Dad would want you to make sure Mum is OK' and while all these comments were probably quite true, it made me feel at the time that how I was feeling didn't matter, that I had to ignore it.  And that's what I thought I did.

It wasn't until I was 19-20 that I couldn't ignore it anymore.  I started making bad life choices, took illicit drugs for a while, was pretty reckless with my safety and had no regard for consequences of my actions.  Not to mention I was angry!  Angry at Dad, angry at everyone around me because, well, I could be!  I was hurting everyone around me too!  Just as you feel that you are.  I was 21 before I spoke to someone about losing my Dad.  But like me, it's never too late to start talking to someone.

Please don't place too much emphasis on the time that has lapsed since these events happened in your life, and then think you should feel differently about them now.  Everyone reacts differently, at different times, and in their own way.  There is no right or wrong way, and no set timeframe for when and how you are meant to feel a certain way, or react in a certain way.

Best wishes in your journey towards wellness 🙂