How or what do others do on bad days?

Katatonic · ‎05-09-2014

Hi,everyone,

Ok I'm new to all this but I also have an enquiring mind so that being said, what do others do to divert their brain from going sooo far down that its hard to climb back up?. I'm on quite a downer & nothing is helping. I cane to see if any others spend time talking to ppl like myself to help maybe with techniques on brain diversion from bad thoughts. I'm finding myself feeling alone & with no or little support, so if anyone wants to suggest what they have tried well that would be appreciated. Thanks for listening

Jacko777 · ‎05-09-2014

Hi Katatonic,

Hang in there mate, you will get advice, support and love here and lots of ideas that will help you to get out of this rough patch.

I find that being thankful for the good parts of my life reduces the impact of the challenging parts. I take time most days to be thankful for my family, friends, nature, my home and my job. It helps to bring some love back into my heart and diverts my attention from the challenging bits for a while. Meditation has helped me greatly to be able to keep focused on the good stuff.

Do you have friends or family you can talk to? Have you thought about seeing a therapist?

Try and conserve your emotional energy at this point, let go of things you cannot change or control. Instead, partake in the things that make you feel good.

Love to you.

Katatonic · ‎07-09-2014

Hi Jacko,

Thank you so much for your great reply. I always try to stay optimistic but recently I've found myself struggling. I've had therapists in the past but just never get too far in to treatment. That's my fault but if I think ppl are or have got too close to me I just close down. I know that many will think that statement in itself is me saying I don't want hell, it isn't its me protecting me. I will never forget some years ago asking a GP for a referral & he shrugged & told me I wasn't depressed it was just a state of mind. Well derr yep guess as its our brains tormenting us it was true. I have family & friends but they are too busy wanting help from me so I remain quiet. I have man major health problems but again if I was to try to talk about my fears they always go back to themselves. I always listen & or help them but with life threatening illness &more up coming surgery I really wonder if I should just say nothing & see.

Jacko777 · ‎08-09-2014

Hi Katatonic,

Well I send you love as you face these major health issues.

I read in a book once..'You cannot have fear and love in your heart at the same time.' Well I practiced that and it is true!! I lost some phobias and a fear of heights and the journey never ends. The challenge is to stay with love in my heart, by being thankful of being in the moment. Meditation is the brain training tool that improves ones ability to choose a thought. Keeping love in your heart is a great thing to practice, can't hurt I don't reckon!

In the past I have had to write down all the parts of my life and make sure I am working towards goals in each part. Just little actions each day towards my goals brings satisfaction and different outcomes. I practice keeping my attention on the positive parts of my life. I develop plans for the negative parts, make sure the plan is activated and then I refuse to let it take my attention any longer, okay, I practice refusing! It's all practice mate, it's what you do every day that makes the difference.

A quote I love...'all unhappiness is caused by a chord that is yet to sound or a chord that sounded long ago.' It is so true, we lose so much energy to something that we can let go of, or something that might not even happen!!

geoff · ‎08-09-2014

dear Katatonic, can I ask you about your surgery and the worry fro this is going to cause you to have these feelings, so I am concerned for you. Geoff.

Katatonic · ‎10-09-2014

Hi Jacko 777 & Geoff,

Thanks guys for taking time out to reply & comment especially today. I'm always bad on the 9th of Sept as its the date my sister died & my bday on the 14th as that's the date they buried her. I hate my bday & really wonder why I was born or why did she have to go yet I remain. I've had many surgeries over the years but 2011 saw me with a diabetic coma & subsequent acute renal failure putting me in ICU for 3 weeks & 4 month hospital stay. I then developed heart problems ending with triple bypass in 2012 only to find out recently that the grafts died so I'm back waiting for round 2 of more bypass surgery. Its the most scariest thing anyone can go through as well as the most painful. I really don't know if 1, I will survive it this time & 2 if its worth it. There's no guarantee in life for anything apart from the fact we will all die its just a matter of when. I keep having nightmares as I was very badly treated last time in hospital to the point I had no pain relief, I had my buzzer put out of my reach & was even smacked, yes smacked for taking oxygen mask off to try to get a drink. I had a visitor that witnessed that yet there was more but I figured it must have been my fault. My treating GP wonders why I just refuse to act on or take further steps to get ready for the surgery & honestly, well that's because I really don't know if I can do it again. I'm in the too hard basket & left feeling nobody cared that I was mis-treated last time so they won't care this time either & no use me reporting it as big hospitals ,ever lose.

geoff · ‎10-09-2014

dear Katatonic, hell, I know of a couple of people and one was my Dad who a 5 by pass surgery, and he was a GP, and also said that the pain was extremely painful, and any little cough just made it worse, as they have to pen your chest up, so I can totally feel so sorry for you to have to go through this again.

I can understand that the pain and then doubting whether you should go through it again, is worth the effort, as I have also have my doubts about having another hip operation which would make it no. 4, but this is No way as bad as what you have to decide and then go through.

It's an easy decision for those that have never been through this pain, but when you know what it will be like, it's a terrible thought.

Are you having the same surgeon and if so or not just mention to them the ordeal you were put through which was just absolutely humiliating because the pain was enormous and constant.

Yes, our time will come one day when we pass on, and when it does happen we don't want to go through a terrible long suffering one, and personally when it happens for me I know my 2 sons, twin and 2 grand-daughters would be distort, but if there was a chance of prolonging it, then they would be cross.

Excuse me but after so many posts I can't remember if you have family, but I know that I replied to you several times, so I'm very sorry to forget.

I do realise that it's such an enormous ordeal and decision to make and I'm sorry that you have to go through the pain again, as I can relate to half the pain which you will have after my hip operation, which 3 attempts were stuffed up, but your life to us and any family is vital to keep going. Geoff.

Katatonic · ‎11-09-2014

Hi Geoff,

firstly ty for your continued support & finally somebody,that I can not only relate to but also is empathetic to what's getting to me. Yes I have,3 daughters & 1 son, 14 grandchildren & a 1yr old great grandson. I'm doing well for only being 21yrs old lol. I have a husband, my second. We don't have any kids together. My first marriage was filled with hate & abuse on nearly a daily basis. The surgeons feel many of my prob started there but I stayed with him for 20yrs simply because I thought he was right. Anyway as for bypass, yes I'm afraid even like today, I found myself exhausted just walking into my daily Dr visit. Every day he notices in worse than the day before so I really feel if they leave me much longer then 1 of 2 things that's will happen those being I will die of heart failure,or 2 if I have the surgery it's going to take me much longer to heal & come back from it. Even after 2yrs if I cough I feel my sternum creaking & cracking & its still painful to touch. I just don't know what my best options are. I've also learnt today that yay if lucky me lives through that then I will be on dialysis for rest of my life as they are down to only 18%. Once it hits 15% there's no turning back so you see why I wonder if its going to be worthwhile

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Jacko777 · ‎11-09-2014

Hi Katatonic,

You have had some very challenging times Kat and you have had to let go of things from your past. I keep refering to your original post, about diverting your focus and I hope you can find the time and energy each day to be thankful for the thing that means the most to you, your family. Be thankful that right now, you ARE alive, you have a great grandson, grandchildren, WOW! Cherish what you have right now.(I admit I can hardly imagine the challenges you are facing, but I do have ideas that might help you to focus your mind.)

Your birthday is soon...your sister would want you to be happy, she would not want you to grieve over her any longer. This will take practice, if you can witness yourself feeling sad switch to feeling love, send LOVE to your sister, not grief. On the day I will send you both love too.

white knight · ‎11-09-2014

Hi Kat,

Just to let you know your thread is not in vain. Many many people read thread such as this one and learn from it.

Dates. I take no notice of them but we are all different. I decided long ago that recalling dates eg when dad died, my brother died etc is more often than not non productive. Dates are after all, a position every year where the earth is to the sun. It is a man made record of that, nothing more. After all why recall dates of sad events when all they do is bring you down? And others are right, you're loved ones would want you to be happy in their memory.

I just loved jacko777's last post. It is how we feel here. Feel free to talk and if desired post more threads. We are listening.