Depression rollercoaster

mini75 · ‎02-07-2014

Hi I'm new to the Beyond Blue forum and hoping if I express myself on here with others, it may help.

I have realised over the last few years my depression is getting longer and stronger. I live on this depression rollercoaster. I am happily married with one child and both are very supportive. I have a regular job and seem to hold this together but outside of this I turn into a mess of low moods, hide from people and feel very lonely. I feel like I am two different people. I put on a front for work and then become me when I get home.

I usually manage my depression with exercise but everything I do is alone. Mostly because I want to be alone. Loneliness then leads to thinking then leads to depressing moods. up and down, up and down.

Is it normal to ride this ride?

Princess · ‎02-07-2014

Hi Mini75,

I'm fairly new to the online forum myself and but I found it really comforting to know that there are other people out there feeling the same as I was/am.

I know that when I'm on a downer I prefer my own solitude even though there may be someone else in the house at the time. I seem to withdraw from people as to me in my mind I find people to be disappointing and not to be very trusting. Have met too many that are not nice in my lifetime so I don't mind my own company. In fact I prefer it that way there's no one to disappoint or hurt me. Don't like two faced people who are nice to your face and talk about you behind your back. It's a long list really. I have a very small group of friends which I could count with one hand and that's how I prefer it.

Exercise doesn't lift me spirits either like it used to. My hubby now comes with me when I go for a walk whereas before I always went on my own.

The moods can certainly be like a yo yo that's for sure and as you read other posts you'll see what I mean that we are not alone.

Take that first step and go to your GP as they are there to help and will refer you on if need be. I'm not a big fan of medication but I knew that I had to try something to try and get off the roller coaster ride. It's a bit hit and miss but from what I've read on here and what people have told me .... it will help.

Hang in there Mini75 and keep posting. It seems we're all here to help each other out.

Best wishes

Princess

White_Rose · ‎02-07-2014

Hello Mini

Welcome to Beyond Blue where we are all struggling but we are still able to help each other. Write as much as makes you comfortable.

Roller coasters are a part of life. Everyone has them even without depression. The difference is that when you are depressed the highs and lows are invariably more extensive and intense.. So yes, you are quite normal.

It does sound though as if your depression is getting worse and I really encourage you to see your GP for some help. I think this is the single most helpful comment that is made on the forum. The people who post here are not doctors or any kind of medical experts on depression or anxiety. We live the illness,, unfortunately, and that gives us the knowledge and experience to pass on to others our collective wisdom.

What you have described is so classically the symptoms of depression. So it's good you are here and can get support from others in the same boat. For me it was amazing to find I was not the only person with these problems and it seems that as soon as I realised this I felt better. Because others had become well I knew I could also do so.

I do relate to your working experience. I went to work, smiled, worked hard and did a good job. But when I got home it was a different matter. Having your wife to support you is great even when you feel desperate to be alone. Perhaps you could work out some way of being alone without hurting your wife. Have a chat with her and explain how you feel and set limits on how long you will have to yourself. I say this because it is not good to hide away totally and your family will miss you.

Have a browse through the tabs either at the top or bottom of this page. You will find fact sheets for yourself, and for your family and friends, about depression, symptoms and how to get and give support. Be as informed as possible about this illness as it will help you heal. I also exercise, to some extent, and I find it helpful. But it appears you now need more strategies.

None of us like going to the doctor or psychologist, even when this is necessary. But when you have a caring and compassionate GP and psych on your side life really starts to get better. Medication may or may not help. This is something to discuss with your GP.

I hope you will take the first steps on this road and post back to tell us how you are going.

Regards

LING

geoff · ‎03-07-2014

dear Mini, thanks for coming to the site, and I do welcome you, I just wish it could be when you were feeling better.

I'm pleased that Princess and LING have replied back to you and what they have said is right.

We always tend to put on a fake face at work, because we don't want people to know that we have depression, as we think it's a weakness by having it, but it certainly isn't, it's an illness no different to other illness's except that it's not visible, but it's a powerful disease that takes control of our mind.

People often make comments to someone with depression 'it will be much better tomorrow dear, so just buckle up and get on with your work'.

These comments are pretty heartless, as they haven't been the hell that you are going through, so they don't understand, and they wouldn't be anyone that could help you if you told them, but if you did relate back to them it would be gossip all around the work place.

I'm not sure how long you will be able to put on a fake face for, because eventually it becomes too much for you and will to take some time off.

Whether you tell your boss is always questionable, I say don't but some say yes tell him/her that you have depression and need to take some sick leave, but this depends on your boss and whether are would be compassionate or not.

Personally I wanted to be by myself, because I didn't want someone to keep asking me question after question, it's annoying, however if this person just walks with you and stays silent then that was OK, because this is really supporting you.

But there is always a catch by being by yourself in that our mind wanders and we always think in a negative way, so on top of the existing problems we have, there are a multitude of other concerns created and then makes our situation worse.

Depression and moods go hand in hand, it's only natural, and we can have a laugh, because it doesn't stop us from doing this, but then crash, down we come again.

I hope that you can get back to us. L Geoff. x

Mares73 · ‎03-07-2014

Dear Mimi I too offer my support & compassion for your current situation. We all have those "masks" we put on when needed & can go home & fall apart afterwards. I echo strongly what LING & Princess has said. In fact my reply would of been very similar to LINGS. Please see a GP first step-there's a list on this site of GPs specially trained in mental health & who are recommended by Beyond Blue-try find one near you. Honestly-that will be the start of your journey to a better place in yourself. Like others I'm here for you & hope to hear back from you soon. Lve Mares xxx

mini75 · ‎03-07-2014

I just want to say Thank-you to all the nice words and advice. having someone to talk to is helpful.

White_Rose · ‎05-07-2014

Hello Mini

Haven't heard from you for a couple of days. How are you going? I would love to get a "progress report". No need to tell us anything you don't want to. Sometimes just talking about how you feel and what's been happening is great. We are here to support and help you as much as possible.

Please get back to us as soon as you can.

LING

white knight · ‎05-07-2014

Hi Mini,

Yes a progress report please. All the advice above is great.

After many meds tried my doctor put me on a mood stabiliser and I regained faith in the process. I'd like to encourage you to discuss your situation with your GP.

All the best. WK

mini75 · ‎13-09-2014

Hi Guy's,

It has been awhile since I have logged on and yes I have had a few more long episodes. I have decided to login in to Beyond Blue weekly to check in.

After talking with someone, I realise i need to do this for myself and have my depression at top of mind daily. I have a few regular personal tasks I do daily to make it through the day. If I make these daily tasks daily habits, I am hoping I won't keep going back down.

Does anyone else have daily habits to help them keep in top mental shape?

Mini75