How do I tell myself not to give up

[dwade3]

Hey I'm a 19 year old guy. Today I really thought about ending it all. I've been going through some really long periods of feeling so worthless. occasionally there are some pockets of suprises that happen in my life , and for those brief moments I feel like maybe just maybe it's still worth living. But I keep getting thrown back to this hole. One conversation one word or event is always enough to send me back. And sometimes I don't know how much more I can take feeling like this.  Even though I got a new job started a new hobby with some people . Nothing quite seemed to fill the void. I'm so empty and it's as if no amount of goal, or moment of happiness ever lasts for me. And I've tried to maybe find something for myself to keep me going. But lately it just feels redundant. I hope someone can give me help to get through this 

[geoff]

Hello dwade3, life at 19 can be so unpredictable, there are so many different decisions that need to be made which could easily direct your aim in any direction, and once you chose, you might then change your mind and there is nothing wrong in doing this, because you are trying to establish your future.

If and when you find a partner, your ambitions may turn another way, so at the moment all you could be doing is asking yourself whether or not this is the direction in life you want to take.

Some people are determined to be whatever from a very young age, but times change and circumstances may then want them to go in another direction, but before this happens, they too may find themselves falling into a hole, so this is why they change their mind, but it may not be easy as their mood will alter from one day to the next.

Fallng in love can halt any decisions or at least put your life on hold as love starts to dominant.

At your age there will be plenty going through your mind, that's actually good because you are still at the cross road of which direction you want to take.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Sophie_M]

Dear dwade3,
 
Welcome to the forums, thoughts about ‘ending it all’ can be debilitating thank you for having the courage to seek assistance. You have described taking some helpful steps trying to focus on the positives to motivate through the difficult times, seeking new experiences and challenges, speaking of congratulations on the new job.  

We know these events that ‘send you back’ are devastating and feel unsurpassable in the moment, as you stated positive moments although less frequent do come back around. As you travel this journey of recovery against negative thoughts and urges, please remember this path is not a linear one and like these events show there will be setbacks but it is your determination to keep seeking those positives that is important.   

We noted that you have not mentioned engaging with any mental health professionals, there are a variety of support services that we will list below. But have you ever engaged with your GP about these feelings, or received a referral to a psychologist?

We encourage you to contact helplines during any time of need as you deserve to know that you are not alone and that there are services and people out there to help.  

Please consider contacting Suicide Callback Service (call on 1300 659 467) or Lifeline on 13 11 14 or at Lifeline. If you have not engaged with them before we would also recommend Kids helpline on 1800 55 1800 or at Kids Helpline for anyone 25 and under. Beyond Blue offers counselling 24/7 either via phone 1300 22 4636 or through Beyond Blue Online Chat. You could also check out the Beyond Now suicide safety app, developed by Beyond Blue, Find out more..

Please remember that if you feel you are having trouble resisting urges to act on your thoughts to ‘end it all’ or you do not feel safe, please call emergency services on 000.  

Warm regards,
Sophie M

[ecomama]

Hi dwade, welcome to the forums. 

Congratulations on starting a new job! 
And starting a new hobby with some people! 

You're doing great dwade. 

You're so right. Happiness can be a fleeting emotion, snap your fingers and it's gone. 
This will happen UNTIL you learn to do the things and think the ways that are most beneficial to You. 

Radical self-care, gratitude journaling and meditation are needed here. These are ointments for the MH wounds you're feeling pain from. Sounds light but it's powerful. 

This comment concerned me: "One conversation one word or event is always enough to send me back."
Perhaps your childhood schemas are being triggered? 
You can join eHeadspace and have a chat via text typing on your laptop and / or seek a MH therapist to help you find out what these are. 

Once we know what these triggers are, we can work to heal each specific one. 

It's great that you joined BB now. Recognising you're not feeling "okay" is a wonderful step. 
What you do from now will help nip this negative spiral downwards in the bud. 
Making the inner changes and doing the work will help you so much! 

How are you doing today? 

Love EM

[therising]

Hi dwade

There can be so many challenges faced as a feeler (someone who's sensitive to feeling so much in life). While the ability to feel our way through life can resemble having an emotional compass that dictates whether we're heading in the right or wrong direction, no one really talks about the significance of being able to feel so much.

19 is a seriously tough stage in life. I suppose you could say that we're kind of living in a dictatorship to some degree up until then. Our expected behaviour has been dictated to us (inside and outside of school), how we speak amongst certain people, what friends we choose in some cases, what schools we go to, how Monday to Friday must be managed while we're being schooled etc etc. So now, at 19, and gaining freedom from a lot of that stuff, you can kind of be left twisting in the wind. The lack of serious guidance and direction can feel brutal. It's kind of like being dumped at crossroads with no signage and without a map. Which way to go?

Emotional triggers can be a massive issue in life, that's for sure. To be a feeler and be surrounded by triggering people (and not in a good way) can get pretty exhausting. For example, if someone says something like 'I had to do that when I was your age. You just need to suck it up and get on with life', bamm, it can take your from 0 to 100 in a split second, on the scale of emotion. It will either feel like an enraging piece of 'advice' or depressing. If I had to describe this feeling, I'd label it as 'feeling a dismissive shutdown'. That comment shuts down all constructive dialogue that could possibly make a positive difference. If you were to say to that person 'You can't simply say that, there has to be some way of managing what I'm facing', here comes their next triggering response...'Stop being so sensitive and just toughen up'. I hope I lead you to smile when I say my response to this would be 'Damn right I'm sensitive, I know a stupid triggering comment when I sense one'. I imagine you have the ability to sense so much. By the sound of it, you can also sense the inspiring moments which can lead you to feel joy. When they're few and far between, it can definitely become depressing for someone who's trying to feel their way through life to some degree.

[Bob_22]

Hi dwade3,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for posting a piece of your story here. I'm so sorry to hear that you've been struggling with thoughts of giving up but I think it is great that you've reached out here and asked for help. This is often the hardest step.

It is also great that you've started a new job and found a hobby. I hope both these things are fruitful for you. As Sophie and others have suggested, have you considered seeing your GP about how you're feeling. A GP can refer you to a psychologist with a mental health care plan. This allows you to have about 20 sessions per year that are subsidised by medicare. Alternatively, headspace is another great option which offers a walk in clinic for young people and free counselling for a range of issues. You can find your closest centre here: https://headspace.org.au/headspace-centres/

I know when I was younger I certainly felt lost at times, even if everything in life was going well. It wasn't until I sought professional help that I realised I needed an extra hand through psychology and medication. On top of this I found it really valuable to stay social and engaged with friends and family as well as staying active through exercise. It was certainly tough but I came out the other side a much stronger version of myself as I'm sure you will also.

Please keep us updated on how you're going and continue to reach out if you need more tips or advice. I hope you realise you're not alone in this. Welcome again to the forums and thanks again for sharing. 

Bob

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome. I am sure that many have responded with similar stories here; and there will be other stories on the forums that will be like yours. There was a time (a few years ago) where nothing I did created any moments of happiness. I could go to the football with my son, and feel just as empty afterwards. It took a while to get past that point. I (with help from my psychologist) would work on things like gratitude lists, things to look forward to etc. It takes time but it can work.

Given your age you could look at the Kids Helpline (https://kidshelpline.com.au/young-adults) and perhaps have a chat with your GP about how you are feeling. 

Let me know how you are going?