How do I help my partner through his depression when I’m depressed myself

[Alison_Wonderland]

I’ve been on antidepressants for the last 8 years. I’ve accepted that I will never be cured of depression and that it may come and go in waves for as long as I live. Recently I noticed signs of depression in my partner and I encouraged him to see a GP. He was prescribed medication over 3 months ago, and while I’ve seen some small improvements he remains unmotivated and is constantly in a low mood. He spends every weekend in bed and doesn’t help out with household tasks. I am struggling myself at the moment with my own depression, but I’m trying to put on a brave face for him. However I feel like I’m failing him, like I’m not equipped to help him because I’m messed up myself. How do I help him through his depression when I’m depressed myself? On a side note, we have a 5 year old son together. He is my everything and everybody comments on what a happy and friendly little boy he is. I’m worried about the impact of having two depressed parents will have on him. Aaargh, I’m so tired but these are the thoughts that whirl thorough my head and keep me up every night.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I can appreciate your difficulties

I have bipolar and dysthymia and my wife has depression.

how do we survive? Empathy. We consider the difficulties our partner is having before ourselves. Faith plays a big part. Faith that when the other person feels ok he/she will do more housework, shopping etc.

Be open. If you feel down say so.

Disputes- google- beyondblue topic relationship strife?- the peace pipe

Beyondblue topic the timing of motivation

Children are resilient, he'll adapt. No childhood is perfect, he'll learn that mum and dad is not eell sometimes.

I'd also return to his GP and ask for a diagnosis from a psychiatrist. It is best to get that put your mind at rest.

Good luck reply anytime

TonyWK

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Alison Wonderland,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for your post and being here. I'm sorry that you're struggling so much with this and it's so hard when one person has depression, let alone two.

I too, am in the same boat. What I've found is that for us it's a bit like waves, somedays we're both down, other days, one of us is better than the other. It is this constant adaptation based on how we are both feeling and what we are needing.

What's most important to know though is that you are not failing your partner. Your depression doesn't make you 'less equipped', and if you didn't have depression you wouldn't be 'more equipped'. Just like it's your responsibility to take care of you, it's his responsibility to take care of himself. Plus, I think having depression yourself gives you empathy - because nobody really 'gets it' until they get it. If you can take anything out of this post, know that you're not failing him.

TonyWK is right too in saying that kids are resilient. How much do you think what you're going through impacts your boy?

Hope this helps,