How do I break the chain?

[Jersey_Girl]

I haven't always been like this. I used to be so active and enjoyed life. These days I struggle to get out of bed and when I finally do I feel like a brick is holding me down. I push myself to have a shower and then push myself to do things. I often find myself sitting on the couch wasting the day away. I lack so much confidence and stress about the smallest task. If I could I would spend all day in bed.

I have been reading lots of posts on here trying to get some strategies in place but I am so unmotivated. I guess I am hoping that some of you might have some ideas. I used to work full time but over dd it and had a break down. I now have a few hours of part time work with my sister. I have to push myself to get to work and stress about the smallest things. I have put on a lot of weight which is depressing in itself but lack the motivation to do anything about it. I do see a psychiatrist but I am thinking that maybe I need to see a psychologist for some counseling.

I am hoping that I can start a thread that will enable me to tell my story. Looking forward to hearing from others and hearing how they break the chain. Some days I just don't want to push myself anymore but I know that I can't live like this forever. I want my old self back. The one that was willing to give anything a try and enjoyed life.

I

[Jersey_Girl]

Thanks John I will keep in touch. My life is just a waste of time at the moment and the only way it will get better is if I just get off my backside and do something constructive.

[Jersey_Girl]

Tomorrow I go home. I am dreading it. I have a psych app so I have to go, my mum has things she needs to do and Christmas breakups that she wants to attend.

I don't see a psychologist and wonder whether I should see my GP for a referral. The last time I saw a psychologist I thought I was ok and stopped seeing her. When I look back over time I can see that I have been depressed for 18 months and in the last 2 months I have fallen into a hole. I have had to push myself over that time it's just now that I feel I can't push myself. Although, I think the days are getting a little better. Today I went to visit my daughter and I was able to contribute and enjoy the conversation. Went grocery shopping with my mum and was ok. Time plays a huge factor. Let's hope tomorrow is even better.

Apologies for the disjointed post but I guess that how I am at the moment.

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Jersey Girl,

I hope things go okay for you at home. May I urge you to see your G.P. with a view to getting a mental health plan. You can get ten every calender year for free if you qualify and if you've had none this year, you can get them before 31/12 and again after.

I have been seeing a psychologist for five years, initially twice a week and now down to once every three weeks, which I occasionally miss due to other things going on in my life. I see it as preventative maintenance.

There is no need for you to apologise for the post!

Kind regards, John.

[Jersey_Girl]

I am home now and struggling. I don't want to be here.

I saw my new psychiatrist yesterday and she said to take baby steps and to concentrate on doing one thing each day. She told me to see my GP re psychologist and to go walking with a friend.

Today my mum called in as she was in the area and took me to do a few groceries although I didn't know what I needed so we didn't really get much. I saw my GP and have a referral to see a nearby psychologist. I then went for a walk with a friend on my way home from the doctor visit. All was a struggle as I feel that today is a bad day. Tomorrow I fear that I will spend the day in bed as I have nothing planned and I really dont want to stay here. I don't want to do anything. Would it be wrong to go back to stay with my mum? I feel that I was making some progress there but I have to face my responsibilities here. I hate the way that I feel.

I have a committee dinner tomorrow night that I don't think I will attend but will try to make an effort for everyone that is pushing me.. I just have no interest in anything or anybody. My psych did say that I would get better but everyone heals at different rates. I just wish that I was my normal self again.

Anyway as I keep saying, tomorrow is another day.

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Jersey Girl,

I just wanted to write you a message of support. I do read your posts and hope very much that your therapists are on the right track and you can find the strength to do your exercises and find motivation.

You mentioned last week that your meds have been upped. No change yet in how they are working on you?

For what it is worth, I think you should persevere. You have a whole life ahead of you and if you can beat this it will just be a bad memory later on. Please keep posting and tell me what would interest you if you could find the motivation to do it.

Kind regards, John.

[Jersey_Girl]

Yesterday was an ok day and I thought things were on the improve but today I am feeling  bad and would like to spend the day in bed. I don't understand why this is happening to me. I have nothing to look forward to. The days just all blur into one. I hate having to face a new day as I have nothing to do and if I did I wouldn’t want to do it. I go back home again tomorrow and yesterday it didn't seem like a problem but as I write this I dread having to go.

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to feelings of hoplessness, suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

 

[Snoman]

Hi again Jersey Girl,

As my psychologist kept reminding me, the road to recovery is not always straight up.  You will have bad days amongst the better ones.  Eventually you will have not so good days amongst great ones.

For some time, it was my job to buy the family's groceries.  I would buy everything on the list for the week.  I often felt the need to get out of there in a hurry.  This was ok as it meant I had to go shopping again and again during the week.  More outings, more exercise, and more practice where I was having trouble.  All I really had to focus on was buying enough stuff for that day.

The important things are exercise and activity.  Do at least 20 mins walk each day whether you feel like it or not.

The other things is, action precedes motivation.  You have to do stuff over and over despite the feelings you get from depression.  It is the doing things anyway regardless of how you feel that helps.  Set realistic goals for how you are doing at the time (not how you once were), then reward yourself for doing them.

You can get through this.  You really can.  You have already lived the hardest parts.

Sno

[Jersey_Girl]

Thankyou for your words of encouragement.

Why is it so hard to do just the easiest things?I still struggle to get out of bed and when I do I feel so unmotivated. I forced myself to go have a coffee with a friend and again to have some dance practice with another friend. Both times I was glad I made the effort but when the morning comes around I am back to struggling to get out of bed again.Today I am back at mums and it has been a good day. I think the days are very slowly getting better. Doing the groceries is too hard for me at the moment. All the planning overwhelms me.. I am ok if I am told what to buy but again have to force myself to go to the supermarket. The effort is excruciating  at times. I hear you and everyone else, just get out there and do it. Sometimes it works sometimes I just can't do it. I don't want to sound negative all the time. I wanted this post to acknowledge that today has been a good day.