How can I trust them again??

[lila]

Hi

Im not one to speak out or share much info about myself, but since this is behind a computer, then it shud b ok.

In a nut shell, Ive been sad (i hate the word depression- i dont like saying i have that) since 2007. Every day since then has been dark and Ive been dealing with it my own way but it gets worse and worse. I have planned suicide many times, and planned to runaway too. 

A month ago, I spoke up- to a psychologist i happened to talk to in a mother group thingi. I have a child and since having this child my sadness has increased a lot and i hate being a mother. i wish i could just give this child away.

Anyway- i spoke to this psychologist and told him everything. every detail, every feeling, every thought. What did he decide to do? Behind my back organise ambulance and take me as an involuntary patient to the emergency department.

I was discharged the next morning because other staff believed it wasnt necessary to keep me in hospital. They instead organised supports, which i think should have been organised instead of forcing me to go to a hospital. It was the worst experience of my life. ppl following me everywhere i walked, eyes on me 24/7 even when i was sleeping.

I have promised myself to never say anything to any professional again! 

Everything that reminds me of this experience sets me off. My sadness is at its peak now.

My hatred towards that psychologist and everyone else is very bad. I now have a bad attitude when i talk to any psychiatrist or social worker. I believe they all just wana send me to hospital and get rid of me and stuff me with medication. They have nothing else to "fix me". 

IM SICK OF IT. IM SICK OF EVERYONE AND IM MOSTLY SICK OF MYSELF 😞 

[Ruth_M]

Hi Lila,

Welcome to the forum! We're really glad you decided to post as it sounds like you are in a really dark place at the moment. It must be hard to talk to clinicians given your involuntary hospital admission, and we can understand your nervousness around professionals. Are you now connected with some support services that the hospital set up for you?

Even though its hard to talk, it must be even harder to keep trying to cope on your own. Staying connected with support can often help us manage so that things don't get so bad that hospital is the only option to keep safe. 

If you aren't connected with support, or would like to know about other support options in your area, know that you can ring the beyondblue Support Line at any time on 1300 22 46 36. You can also chat online with a beyondblue counsellor via Webchat. 

You are not alone, and there are many people on this forum that have come through similar experiences, so please stay in touch with us to let us know how you are getting on. Although its hard, please do let others help you through this. With the right help, things won't always feel this bad.

With best wishes

beyondblue moderation team

[geoff]

dear Lila, there couldn't be anything worse than being in the depths of depression, and I am not including anything medically, that's in another area, but this black dog has total control over us, it ruins our life, it destroys relationships, any jobs we might have had, and if you have young kids it can increase the depression causing us to have PND, because men get it to, but this is not included, as it mainly relates to the mother.

For you to post on this site is because ' this is behind a computer, then it shud b ok.'

Well it is OK we don't know what you look like, who you are, and have no ability to be able to ring an ambulance nor the police, so you are safe on this site, just people who understand what you are going through.

I have had the police as well as the ambulance come to my place and take me to the hospital a few times and it wasn't a pleasant experience, and I know of a regular responder for 2 years who had the same done to him several times, and I'm sure that he will reply to you.

Lila, it is appropriate for me to say that lots of us have been through similar situations, and none of us have enjoyed it one bit, it takes away our freedom, but what I do know is that they are looking after our safety whether we decide at that time that we don't give a rat's a--------e, but now I have a little grand daughter who is just starting to walk.

I appreciate that this will mean nothing to you at the moment because of your deep depression, however please reply back to us, as this is just as important for us but much more so for you, we do care for you. L Geoff. xx

[Amigo]

Hi Lila

I am impressed with your frankness and appreciate you sharing your thoughts

I also have been disappointed by professionals who were unable to help me... until the seventh one who was fantastic and changed my life.

I do hope that in this forum or otherwise you are able to find the direction and assistance you seek... certainly many on this forum can relate and would wish you well

[Shock]

Hi Lila,

I just wanted to say hi and to let you know I have experienced almost the exact same thing you have. I have been to a few psychologists, really wanting to talk about my suicidal urges only to be threatened with calling the police and being sent to the psych ward (the latest ocurred last week where I basically spent the entire session begging the psychologist not call the cops - $150 well spent!). Once this did happen and it too was a horrible, horrible experience that left me with PTSD.

For whatever reason, ironically suicide still carries a lot of stigma with many psychologists. You just have to find the right one. What I recommend is ringing them before you make an appointment and ask about their approach to 'Duty Of Care'.

Duty of Care basically translates to 'Dont Sue Me'. Mental health practitioners must abide by this rule set by the American Psychology Association (APA). If you say you are going to harm your self or others they must 'protect' you. This never normally works this way though. Instead they fob you off to the psych ward so your someone else's problem. This clears them of any liability lest you do act on those intentions. Unfortunately, what happens most of the time is exactly what happened to us - it doesnt help. It is really disappointing that we are encouraged to open up and talk about his only to be punished for it.

For a while now I have been working on trying to alter this silly rule but theres is still a long way to go. Please let me know if you would like more information on my work.

In the mean time I would recommend having a brief and frank conversation on the phone with any future psychologists. You've probably heard this before but dont let one bad experience ruin it. Call them up, tell them about this experience and let them know what you want to talk about. Ask them about their approach to 'Duty of Care'.

Also, it may be good to join some unaffiliated independent support groups. You may be able to find them on this site.

Best of luck and I hope this helps in some way!