How can I reconnect with my friends after isolating myself due to depression/anxiety for months.

[sowbad]

At the beginning of the year my depression was extremely bad. I completely stopped going to school and lost all motivation to do anything. I stopped talking to my friends and they stopped talking to me. 

Over the past few months it’s gotten better, Ive got a girlfriend who has helped me massively. I’ve started going to therapy, taking meds and now doing online school.

I need advise on how to reconnect with my friend group. Since I’ve stopped going to school none of them have attempted to message me to ask where or how I’ve been. My anxiety is telling me they don’t really care as none of them have really talked to me for months. Every night I see them online. playing games and talking together and I miss that.

They don’t know I’m doing online school now or that I’ve been struggling with a multitude of mental and physical illnesses. 

I want to have friends again but I’m to scared to talk to any of them.

[geoff]

Hello sowbad, now that you have a girlfriend would help you to reconnect with your friends, and it's not unusual that none of them have asked after you, not unless you had a really close friend.

Becoming friends with a g/friend is much harder than reconnecting with your friends, because you have something to be proud of, and the reason why you haven't been to school could be for a number of reasons, none of which you need tell them about, because have they told you anything about themselves, no.

Remember you don't necessarily have to  reconnect with them, because being with your girlfriend could have easily changed your interests, unlike before, and these might be different to how it was before, so you might want to develop other friendships at school, which may be more beneficial to you.

This will depend on what type of reaction you have when you go back to school, but you have your girlfriend to support you.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Petal22]

Hi sowbad,

Congratulations on your recovery I think it’s great that things are getting better for you.

It sounds like you have a incredibly supportive girlfriend which is great.

In regards to your friends group I believe that if they where real friends they would have tried to contact you.

Sometimes when we aren’t well we begin to realise who the important people in our lives are and the ones that aren’t.

I understand you miss your friends but I believe the right friends are out there for you , maybe there are ones you are still to meet along your journey.

Stay connected to the people who care about you in your life in this present moment.

[sbella02]

Hey Sowbad,

Thank you for opening up to us about your experience, and welcome to our forums. I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through, mourning the loss of old friendships as well as dealing with mental health struggles is tough. Glad to hear that you've been going to therapy, taking meds, and doing online school, such rewarding and courageous achievements. 

Friendships can be tough at any age. As we progress through different phases of life, the people who we are surrounded by can change. Sometimes, it can be great to reconnect with friends who we may have lost touch with. Likewise, it's also okay to let go of some other friendships that weren't serving us well, despite compulsions to reconnect or feelings of mourning over the loss of the friendship. 

You have mentioned that these friends have not messaged to ask where or how you've been. From my own experience, I've unfortunately been on both sides of this situation, whereby I lost touch with friends who did not attempt to reach out, and I've also been the friend who hasn't reached out, for various reasons. There's no shame in reaching out to friends whose companionship you believed to be healthy, valuable, and mutually respectful. If they decline, it'll you an opportunity to move on from them, but if they say yes, you have an option to rekindle a friendship.

This may be easier said than done, so here's my best advice.

Try reaching out to a few people first, the ones you would feel most comfortable talking to. Otherwise, if you do not feel comfortable (which is totally okay), there are other ways to make new friends too, such as local clubs based on your interests, sporting teams if you like sports, or even online friends, provided this is done in a safe and cautious manner. I know in high school I was struggling with friendships in the school setting, and picking up a part-time job with people of a similar age to me helped me find a lot more social support, skills, and confidence.

Have you had a chat to your therapist about your fears about reaching out to your old friends? They may be able to offer you some professional advice, tips, or strategies to help you out, if you'd feel comfortable confiding in them. 

Wishing you all the best, and please keep in contact with us if you'd like, as we're here to support you.

Take care, SB