Becoming so tired, feelings of isolation and emptiness loom over when my mind isn’t busy

[Baileysmells]

My battle against mental illness has lasted since 2019, while I can say I’ve improved, it’s still not enough to feel like progress has been made.

I’m in a new town, I’ve distanced myself from my friends back home. This is the first time in my life I can say I’m truly alone. With no one to share my day with, as an introvert this is weirdly foreign to me; yet my anxiety stops me from creating connections at University.

I get home and I realise that this is it, just sitting at home, wishing I could at least pick up my hobbies again. I guess it feels as if there is no substance in my life, it doesn’t feel meaningful.

I am essentially on house arrest due to the car dependency of my new town, I’m currently waiting until my sister is ‘allowed’ to teach me.

Does anyone else just have this overwhelming feeling of *sigh*? That days are just passing by? How do you cope with this? I just feel lost in this world, I’m deeply unsatisfied with the way world works systematically, I used to reject the idea of participating at all. Now I am attempting to shoo away that existential dread as I become a part of society again.
Thank you for reading, just a conversation helps honestly

:’)

[smallwolf]

Hello and welcome to the beyond blue forums.

I can remember when I moved into the city to go to Uni. It can be scary when in a place with a lot of people you still feel lonely. There was a lot that I did not know then either.

I wonder if you are able to have a chat with one of the Uni counsellors? They might have some ideas to help you move forward.

I would also ask what sort of things you like doing? Are there any local groups doing those things? For example, board games or DnD. 

My last thought is what is stopping you from calling one of your older friends from where you moved from? I once called a friend that I had not spoken to for a number of years. And we restarted our friendship.

I get that it can be tough and sometimes I need someone to bounce ideas off. Other users will likely come and offer own suggestions. I hope you got something from here that was useful in the meantime.

[Baileysmells]

Thank you, I really should utilize the psychologists at my campus. I'm seeing one externally decently-common if I'm lucky in the meantime.

I would like to join a club or something but throwing myself into a room of people I don't know low-key terrifies me, group work in class is a lot even lol. Anxiety stops me from a lot of things, from being who I want to be; it sucks. Medication helps to an extent but there's this barrier I have up that's almost trying to inhibit progress.

Hmm I guess it's a few small things that pile together to make a larger problem. I feel off if I'm not a certain type of mood or person around them, like pressure to not be depressed or quiet. Making people laugh is kind of my source of confidence; and not 'performing' doesn't feel like me. There is also a lot of pressure to game frequently when we link up every now and again, games have become stale to me and my battery nowadays makes keeping up hard. These combine into guilt that I've done this to our friendship, like I've left everyone, including myself, down.

I am very self destructive I've been discovering lately. Appreciate it.

[geoff]

Hello Baileysmells, these days that make you 'sigh' are because you are trying to start a new life, but this won't naturally just begin without any concerns, of course there will be questions you keep asking yourself, especially now that you have distanced yourself from your friends, plus the hobbies you once enjoyed, won't be of any interest to you, your life is trying to change.

At the moment you are only trying to believe which person you think would be an ideal friend, someone you can trust, but this will only develop after a while, it's not going to happen straight away because there is too much going through your mind to make a positive decision.

Allow yourself time to adjust and don't try to rush any of this, otherwise, you'll be back to square 1.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Baileysmells]

I understand, until now I hadn't made the connection that I'm building a new life, my adult life. It's tough doing this alone, when I have someone it just makes everything not so bad if that makes sense; the last few strike outs in my dating life have stung real hard. I guess a large chunk of it is wishing those worked out because of the positivity it gave me.

Just waiting for the day that I don't count the hours down until I take my med and crash to sleep. Thank you.

[smallwolf]

we each of have own idea about what a room of people looks like. 

For example, a week or so ago I went to a place to go to a meeting. I arrived early so waited outside. A man came out and said hello and then invited me inside. I followed him into a room where they were doing what I call karaoke choir... they were singing along to songs and the words of the songs were on a big screen. In all there was about 15 people there. To make a long story short, I joined and enjoyed myself.

If I was invited I would have said NO it was not my thing. 

But then I also like singing.

I guess part of what I am also trying to suggest is... what do you, or what did you used to like doing?

You don't have to join something or do something just for the sake of it. If you want to find an activity that is another thing. What sort of things do you like to do? And then consider the next step. You will come upon barriers, but I feel it is better the encounter them later vs using them as a means from not starting. I hope that makes sense.