How are you coping with your thoughts today?

[Doolhof]

Hi All,

Each moment of every day, we have thoughts darting around in our minds. When I stop to consider the ramblings that are occurring, I realise just how much negativity and destruction is sometimes involved in my thought process. If I leave these thoughts unchecked, allow them to proceed further, if I don't acknowledge of challenge them, I can soon find myself struggling mentally.

How do you proceed once you realise your thoughts and mind are drifting off to a place you would rather not be?

[Not_Batman]

Hi Doolhof.

how am i coping with my thoughts today? Well its a bit of a struggle.

yesterday i took a semi mental health day, and worked from home. I was calm comfortable, and anxiety free. Today though i woke up with anxiety, i geuss because there are a lot of changes happening to me at work right now.

moving office away from my colleagues, new staff to manage, organising space, desks, computers, etc.

i need to manage this team as though it was a startup, so need to generate revenue, or else we’re all out of a job.

im trying to organise it all, but i just feel like im failing at things constantly, and mangers comments are not exactly constructive.

the fear of the unknown, and criticism from others are current triggers, which sent me into a panic today.

i hade a phone conversation with lifeline to help me, which it did, and gave me the courage to go back into work. I made a to do list, and i was fine for a little while, but now im exhausted and feel down, and the inner critic is being very loud.

Not_Batman

[mmMekitty]

Hello Doolhof,😸

"How are you coping with your thoughts today?" is a good questions to ask myself, especially at the moments when the thoughts come bubbling up & might soon wash all over me like oily sludge. Since I don't want that, I begin by reminding myself that the thought I have are often rehashing of old words spat out at me by people who have low opinions of me, & would seek to harm me, & see me feeling worse than I am already feeling.

These are someone's own opinions of me. I do not have to take on their opinions, as if I now own them.

No, I reject their assessments, because it came from a bitter heart, &I think, very hurt & damaged people.

The idea that these thoughts I have didn't originate within myself, but from the unfortunate circumstances of how I was raised in the family I had, has been growing within me, & I now find myself feeling more sadness & compassion for those people who impressed upon me the many ways I was inadequate, a failure, hopeless & helpless. Maybe they felt these things about themselves.

I can be angry about it now, but it feels futile. I don't think it helps me to lift myself or calm myself when I feel this deep & long-ignored anger. I will acknowledge it. I might even give my wardrobe a thump, but not hard. I dislike the noise I make, because it startles me too much. & may make my hand hurt, & for what?

As part of feeling better about myself, I need to show myself more care & consideration, so I do not want to be deliberately hurting myself, not even a little bruise.

Now, as we seem to be going into winter early, & I feel a dread about how I might feel, because of my past & thoughts, memories & feelings, & the possibility of sliding into depression, I am tempted to burrow in & feel safe all rugged up - but for me, I know that makes maintaining a normal 'routine' (heheh) impossible. & that gets me down all the more, so I do want to resist that.

I can be vigilant about this & get myself doing something, hopefully, something I have procrastinated over. It feel twice as nice to get one of those tasks done.

I know talking to somebody, even as we do here helps with being isolated, due to difficulties getting out. Talking to someone face-to-face would be better. If it's a good friend, you might find yourself laughing & able to talk seriously, & feel heard & understood. It's hard to get my PDr to laugh, but I have an itch to do that! When he does, I feel a better connection with him.😺

mmMekitty

[ChildHeart]

Hi, again Doolhof!

First of all, I too tend to take a walk in the rain despite the wetness and cold when I think it will help clear my thoughts or rather gain some clarity.

Counting back in 7's would confuse me too! But I like the naming vegetables and fruits idea! 🙂

Yesterday I had a bad day of anxiety during a "bad" day depressive episode and my mind could or body could not sit still for a second! Though I like what you posted about the "one task, one thought, one day at a time". it did make me think of baby steps from the old movie with bill Murray "what about bob?". Has anybody ever seen that?

I hope you are doing well today.

[mmMekitty]

Hi Child@heart,

I know I saw the movie, on tele, maybe more than once... but I do't remember much. It was many years ago. 😸

I've got my legs being very annoying today, but the feeling is a distraction... too much, I think, when I can't keep seated for more than 5-10 minutes. Gotta go now. & 💤 again, too.

How do I not get a bit cranky with these things, & end up down on myself?

mmMekitty

[Not_Batman]

Hi

Friday was so tiring after having the panic attack. the wake of the PA just makes me so exhausted. After work SO and I and some friends went out dancing. They all knew something was up because i wasn't drinking and and being quiet and distant (I'm not one to drown my sorrows), but i still had fun.

the following day, we had a family day with friends, and it was a lot of fun. Same again, quiet and distant.

today was a home day, which i tried to get things done, so i chopped some wood.

Over those 3 days, my mind has just continued to be loud and obsessive and catastrophising, and making me just feel like really down, and i feel guilty the than im not good enough, or not going to be good enough to deliver what people want/need me to. I look at my boss and bosses boss and other managers and beat myself up at why i cant be the same, cant make the same decisions, cant deliver. And i constantly obsess and avoid.

i know it will pass until this time next year, i know the tools to help, but sometimes i cant break the cycle.

what im doing is obsessing about it all. Obsessing about obsessing, obsessing about trying to break the cycle which just continues the cycle. obsessing about trying to fix the things that are making me feel this way. And so on it goes.

i feel like a fraud. Giving advice and sharing with people who aren't doing so well, thinking why cant i take my advice.

Not_Batman

[Doolhof]

Hi Not_Batman,

It seems to me some of us are very good at not accepting ourselves for who we are and what we are capable of. Our unhelpful thoughts ruminate, grow, expand, take over and disguise any thoughts that may be helpful and encouraging.

Maybe at work you can look at the bosses, see what you think is working for them and consider how your talents, experience and past achievements can enhance this new position you find yourself in. Look hard enough and you will see flaws in them as well. None of us are perfect.

I need to remind myself of these truths as I am struggling at work. Some days I am too scared to ask a question as I am exhausted from being yelled at, spoken to negatively all day at work or by being ignored.

I don't know what is worse, feeling like you are not even present when not spoken to or being yelled at and feeling totally inadequate. People say it is not me, but the person treating me this way that is the issue. The problem is I take their words and actions to heart and have trouble leaving the negativity at work when I leave.

I don't have the answers, maybe we can discuss some ideas here to help ourselves and others.

Hope you have some moments this week where you sense your achievements. Maybe writing them down could help, so you can reflect at the end of the week and reflect on what went well.

[Doolhof]

Hi mmMekitty,

It sounds to me like you are quite aware of your triggers and your reactions and actions to painful thoughts and memories. It is where we go next that is important! Knowing what will help and then being able to put those options into action is what I stumble on at times.

I like your comment about showing yourself more care and consideration. Do you have different ways you manage to achieve this?

This is something I need to practice myself today.

[Doolhof]

Hi has anyone tried this with much success:

Structured Problem Solving

1 write down the problematic thoughts

2 write down your options for dealing with your thoughts, include a range of options

3 write down advantages and disadvantages for your options

4 consider and identify your best options

5 consider how you may carry out your options

6 once you have done this review your progress in managing to act upon your choices

[Doolhof]

Some words off the internet, not sure who wrote them, I have changed them around a little

Sometimes you just need to talk about something,

Not to get sympathy or help,

But just to stop the power of your thoughts

By allowing the truth of your issues to be heard.

[mmMekitty]

Hi Doolhof,

I like your last post about needing to talk to know/feel you ar heard, as you say, not for sympathy or critique, or even response, I suppose - being heard, & I would add, speaking aloud also means you hear yourself. I find that aspect powerful. In the moment of listening to myself as I talk to my PDr, saying things I had not had the courage to say aloud to anyone, & he is there, too, a witness to my voice.

I've been trying to answer your post from 31 May, & keep getting stuck or losing track of what I'm writing. It's this flu, my memory, the fact I haven't tried to detail what & how I deal with triggers.

Your post about the Structured Problem Solving can be a start, perhaps with some modifications for your personal needs. Personally, I'm not thinking of triggers as 'problems', but more like signs (little hints, scratched crudely on trees, or as bright & big as neon signs blocking my way forward along this path I'm on). I think they show me something that still needs attention. That's the first thing I try to do. Stop & think about what this current trigger is about.

I find in the moment I try to think consciously (my head voice is vocal & even sounds likesomeone in my head separate) removes me to an outside perspective. It's by no means works perfectly, & I can still be caught up in the resurgence of emotions & sensations.

I will point out to myself, the here & now. I might be able to move, touch something close to hand, like the chair I am sitting in, or (when I was at my PDr's place), I listen for his voice, & mentally reach toward that, & hold on.

The slow & measured breathing methods are useful, if you can in these moments. I do find controlling my breath very difficult, but trying is a diversion in itself.

I doubt I will ever breeze through any trigger moment. & I'm sure I will stumble sometimes, too. I find what helps more is to understand where this all stems from, & remind myself, it's not my fault that these things happen, not a fault of mine that dealing with them is hard & I can't be sure what I do in the moment will be thoroughly effective every time. Human, messy fallible human, who now has the job of caring for herself. It's up to me how I care for myself. That's another wide topic.

Well, there's something, I hope helps.

Warmly,

❤️❤️❤️❤️

mmMekitty