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Highly Sensitive People (HSP)
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Are you sensitive? If so you might be in the range of a HSP. Studies show up to 15-30% of people could fall into this category. And I thought I was alone!
Have you had the comments
”you should toughen up”
”don’t be so sensitive”
Yet these people don’t realise that your sensitivity is part of you, your personality. It’s like you suggesting they grow shorter as “you are too tall” How absurd.
Sensitive people have strong inner feelings, can be creative in things like writing, like to help other people or animals and generally care deeply in their convictions.
So people that criticise us are in effect bullying us to be someone we are not. If possible stand up for yourself because sure as yabbies bite your toes, if you don’t then you’ll be walked over.
We cant all be without sensitivity, we can’t all be low in emotion... not everyone is a highly sensitive person, if they were they’d understand how our world is full of inner feelings and also wonderful in a strange way because we “feel” and that my friend is priceless...
TonyWK
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Hi Tony
I celebrate you as an absolute legend 🙂 You really are an inspiration. I wish there were more people like you in the world. As I say to folk who insist the world is a horrible place, 'You're not looking for the right people, who prove how amazing it can be'. You're a fine example of why the world is a good place to live in.
Corruption is so triggering. It's a form of self entitlement that can literally make you sick. This touches on one of the challenges of a highly sensitive person. You hear people casually say 'Oh, this makes me sick' or 'I'm absolute sick of this', but for someone who's sensitive to a person who is sickening or a situation that is sickening, you literally can get sick. The way this impacts your nervous system, your heart, your blood pressure and more can get pretty intense and serious, especially if what's making us sick has been doing so long term. Sometimes when I catch myself saying 'I'm sick of that person's behaviour', what then comes to mind is somewhat of an expansion on that - 'I'm sick because of that person's behaviour'. It's amazing how throwing a simple word (because) into the mix can offer clarity on how you're feeling. On occasion I've gone onto think 'Do they actually lead me to feel sick?', with the answer being 'Hell yes!'. What puzzles me at times is the fact that some people really couldn't care less that they're leading you to feel unwell. They'd prefer to label you as 'sensitive' and tell you to 'calm down' rather than wonder about how they're actually impacting you.
Strong possibility that a person who's telling us we're too righteous and too sensitive is perhaps looking at things from the wrong perspective with an unhealthy degree of insensitivity. And while grey is definitely a large area when it comes to personal opinion, there are obviously some very dark shades of grey people just love to justify.
A true hero can face losing so much - their job, their reputation (as easygoing or as a 'team player'), their standing amongst co-workers but being prepared to lose it all, while painful and stressful, is exactly what makes them outstanding 🙂
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Hi therising,
Thankyou for your kind words.
Re: "Strong possibility that a person who's telling us we're too righteous and too sensitive is perhaps looking at things from the wrong perspective with an unhealthy degree of insensitivity." It just dawned on me the ultimate reply to claims of being "too sensitive" is- "perhaps you are too insensitive- can you do something about that".
I always like to end with a question so it paints them into the corner they had me in prior to my reply. Another answer to "you being too sensitive" is "you are far too short, do you mind lowering your height"?
"The way this impacts your nervous system, your heart, your blood pressure and more can get pretty intense and serious..." Hence the positives in withdrawing from the wrong people in our lives or even the masses in general. To survive in a society I've we've ended up in a regional town of 3000 people. That size is ideal up to 5000. The size is important as it has everything except Bunnings and larger retails like Kmart but small enough to limit the numbers of people walking the footpaths. Less contacts the better quality the contact and the less likely the contact is toxic. Bit likebeing scared of sharks...I dont enter the ocean more than knee height.
"What puzzles me at times is the fact that some people really couldn't care less that they're leading you to feel unwell. " Thats a worldwide problem - care, lack thereof. At least 50% of people care les that I would want them
I think a hero does what they need to do so their values aren't compromised. We should never feel embarrassment over making a stand. But this is where society is flawed. I remember the TV show with Jeffery Robertson "Hypotheticals" where he would get panellists to commit to a certain judgement then place them in another position whereby their judgement was flawed. Society needs more hypotheticals so we can reach more accurate moral standings.
TonyWK
TonyWK
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Hi Frangepani,
It's so refreshing to read your post of gratitude to therising, one of our most inspirational members that makes us think a lot!
As for triggers you might want to read this thread-
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/triggers-that-down-you-triggers-that-lift-you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-peDvmjkF6s
TonyWK
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Hi Frangepani
It's so exciting that you can feel your progress. Moments where we can really feel it are so satisfying.
Triggers, my goodness there can be a lot. When you can feel so much, you have to work harder than a non sensitive person. From certain sounds, including the words people say, right through to whatever enters into our imagination, there can be so many triggers. I've found, knowing what each feeling is really telling me can help turn the volume down a little and even allow me to better manage people or circumstances in some cases. An example that comes to mind...
You can be in a conversation with someone when you decide to give your input. Their response might sound a little like 'That's ridiculous. You're an idiot'. Bamm, did you feel that? Right through the heart, especially if it comes from someone you respect. Heart ache or heart break can be somewhat depressing at times when we may already be quite down. Suddenly, what may come to mind is 'I know that feeling. That's the feeling of 'heartache', 'heart break' or 'depressing'. Imagine detaching from the feeling so as to 100% focus on announcing it out loud, 'Dude, your attitude's depressing. I can feel it'. While they may say 'Stop being so sensitive', your response could easily be 'If you stopped being so arrogant and depressing, I wouldn't have to feel it'. Do you like that? 🙂 it's amazing how many people don't wish to take responsibility for their words. Instead, they hand responsibility over to the person who feels those words.
For me, the most exciting feeling in relation to progress is when you feel you are becoming more and more your true self, who you were meant to be. When you can feel/sense who's depressing or stressful and who's not, for example, you just know you were born to be sensitive. You were born to feel, something that can take a lifetime to master.
Enjoy the journey in between each challenge 🙂
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Hi TonyWK
I like the idea of getting a feel for the best place to live, a place that really serves us well in so many ways. This makes me think of a little holiday spot in the countryside just outside of Lakes Entrance in Victoria. Before COVID hit, myself, my mum and my kids used to stay there for a week every Easter holidays, in a unit which led down to the lake. It really felt like we were 'going home' every time we went there. Then we'd come back to Melbourne, to somewhat endure the remaining 51 weeks of the year.
The following may sound a little insane but the thought of it leads me to be amused. Imagine speaking on behalf of your body, each and every part that allows you to feel. You could freely say things to people such as
- My nervous system is telling me it doesn't like you because you're too stressful
- My throat is feeling quite choked up. Give me a moment to clear it so it is free to announce what I'm about to tell you
- My shoulders and neck are telling me to delegate stressful challenges, because they can't handle any more tension
- My vascular system is telling me you're making my head ache
- My lungs, with their change in breathing pattern, are telling me you're suffocating me
- My gut is telling me not to trust you
- That sudden pain in my chest, as a result of what you've just said, leads me to listen to my heart which tells me 'You can be heartbreaking at times'
I suppose this is what they mean by the body having its own intelligence. It can tell you what's really going on at any given time. I smile when I think about how my body reacts to a particular person's name. The second someone mentions their name, my hand comes straight up to my forehead, rubbing it. It's like an automatic response. My mum actually pointed this out to me. I had no idea I was doing it. This particular person causes me a lot of stress. What leads to some amusement, in a way...Are my hands trying to rub any thought of them out of my head? Are they trying to soothe me in some way? Are they trying to prevent a headache, through some form of subconscious massage? Who knows. What I do know is my hands serve me well at times. You could even say they're handy 🙂 I know, that was a bad one.
It's true, what you say. You can't simply change how you are, especially if you were born that way. If we're born to be sensitive, we can't simply change how our body feels the experience known as life. All we can do is master the ability to feel so incredibly well.
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Hi Frangepani
It sounds like you've met with an incredibly powerful part of yourself. I recall having once seen the most amazing image that reminds me of this and of what you're expressing. It's an image of a female warrior on the edge of a cliff, powerfully screaming out into this massive expanse. It represents her arrival at this point. In my mind, I imagine she's traveled far and worked hard to get there. The scream is both her victory cry as well as her declaration that what now lies before her no one can take from her. That cliff's edge is the verge, between the old and the new, a liberating place to be.
Rage is a powerful thing. Constructive rage creates drive and change. It's like fuel for an engine furnace. Personally, I've felt such rage before and it's positively life changing. Developing ways to 'let off steam' is so important too, otherwise rage can do damage. Kind of like it goes from 'drive' to 'dis-ease', with the nervous system under pressure constantly.
I found one of the most challenging things about rage comes down to making my rage my own. What I mean by this is no one can add to it and no one can take away from it. I'm in charge of it 100%. Not easy to achieve at times, that's for sure. I'll offer an example. Just say someone says, while smiling (grrr), 'You need to calm down, you're completely out of control'. The comment and the smile especially can trigger more rage. To begin with, you're happy with your rage, as it's the one thing driving you to stand up for yourself, to be upstanding. 1) They're trying to manage your rage, by telling you to calm it down, something you don't want to do for good reason, and 2) they may actually be adding fuel to the fire, leading such rage to become a little out of control. Often, out of control rage leads to regret. Most of us don't want to regret becoming the person we don't want to be, such as someone who physically hits a person or burns a bridge that was going to take us to exactly where we needed to go.
I smile when I think of the kind of Marvel or DC comic character who transforms into a super hero through the power of rage. When they discover this ability, they have to learn to master it and have it serve them and those around them, otherwise it just doesn't work the way it's meant to.
With rage, I employ the sage. It's like the bi*ch and the sage in me working together. It's the sage who keeps a leash on the bi*ch. The sage that remains in charge of the bridge burning 🙂
You're powerful 🙂
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Hi Frangepani, great to read your post. And feel free to continue on with discussion on your topic of rage and discomfort for life as you see it.
Thanks therising, your endorsement for rage is amazing.
Frangepani, There is several facets to your post that can be attended to separately. Therisings rage endorcement is one and it's incredible how we try to explain an (unacceptable to some) emotion then along comes a wise person with experience and knowledge to put our guilt into a totally different basket, in this case therising transferred it from the guilt basket to the "justified" basket.
So I have picked out another- the problem of filtering people so we limit the number of those that infiltrate our lives only to turn out somewhere between incompatible to totally toxic. To be able to scan these people at the initial meet up and subsequent early relationship period.
I call it, in my case, "lack of street wisdom". Sometime during my teenage years I missed out on that and the result was to trust all and sundry first before I found out otherwise. Not very clever, it should be the other way around. Post teens, worked in the Air Force, the prison service and various investigative roles but still, I could change my spots on my leopard coat to weed out the bad apples both personally and in my professions! After many episodes of hurt something needed to be done.
If I havent recommended it to you the series of threads here on the forum I wrote called "fortress of survival" places it all in perspective.
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/fortress-of-survival-part-2
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/fortress-of-survival-part-3
There is also one on friendships
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/the-labyrinth-of-friendships
You only need to read the first post of each. I suppose education through reading is essential for all of us here. I cant stay focussed for long but I try to read a passage every day.
I'll be interested in your thoughts.
As for the state of the world, it is in the bracket of "if you cant change it, then worry is non productive.
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/worry-worry-worry
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/worry-worry-worry-part-2
TonyWK
