Highly Sensitive People (HSP)

[white knight]

Are you sensitive? If so you might be in the range of a HSP. Studies show up to 15-30% of people could fall into this category. And I thought I was alone!

Have you had the comments

”you should toughen up”

”don’t be so sensitive”

Yet these people don’t realise that your sensitivity is part of you, your personality. It’s like you suggesting they grow shorter as “you are too tall” How absurd.

Sensitive people have strong inner feelings, can be creative in things like writing, like to help other people or animals and generally care deeply in their convictions.

So people that criticise us are in effect bullying us to be someone we are not. If possible stand up for yourself because sure as yabbies bite your toes, if you don’t then you’ll be walked over.

We cant all be without sensitivity, we can’t all be low in emotion... not everyone is a highly sensitive person, if they were they’d understand how our world is full of inner feelings and also wonderful in a strange way because we “feel” and that my friend is priceless...

TonyWK

[white knight]

Hi the rising

Re: ". I am wonderful and they have a serious problem 🙂 that conclusion which if it comes in someone's life dogged by low self esteem...is a "rising" (sic) of itself, a realisation of not only one's true worth but two edged, the devalue of those that capitalise on the vulnerable...in point HSP's.

I cannot read long texts due to wandering focus. So I listen to youtube or read short passages. My initial first encounter of my inner self came decades ago. I'd been told to listen to Prem Rawat Maharaji tapes (now youtube). In one he describes climbing a hilltop, sitting on a rock and watching the sunset which he remars, takes two hours to set. In that 2 hours, no phone, no other people, listen, relax...and it's free.

It was soul cleansing. Amazing. It gave me a feeling "pity those poor souls that haven't been "there".

"There" is where I write my poetry. Without that place and therefore without HSP my sensitivity would be only a burden. Yet it gives me a place that money cannot buy.

The text book making sense years later in years 11/12 no different than good therapy imo with questions asked by the therapist or quotes given.

One example in 1988 was when I told him "I couldn't find confidence in my decision making". He replied "what part of the word "couldnt" is of most value."?

The quote made sense years later. Could...not. "Could" is more valuable than "not".

I digress.

Thankyou

TonyWK

[therising]

Hi TonyWK

Prem Rawat played a significant part in my life when I first came out of my depression. I suppose you could say he was my first significant spiritual guide, with me having found him after suddenly waking up to the spiritual nature of life. I was captivated by his wisdom and guidance, something that spoke to a deeper part of me.

I think, one of the benefits to being 'a sensitive' involves feeling who's inspiring and who's not. You could go years without a hint of the right kind of inspiration in your life and be left to think 'What's wrong with me?'. Then, one day, you can suddenly wake up to the fact 'There's no significant inspiration in my life, none I can really feel'. While the first thought can be deeply depressing in a number of ways, the second can be a mind altering revelation which can set you on a quest for the right kind of inspiration.

How I wish we were all led to feel more constructively in this world. Unfortunately, I think our ability to feel is messed with over time. We tend to start life with this ability and then we're taught to suppress our feelings or hide them or bottle them up. Then when they start to surface, perhaps a little later in life, we see them as 'a problem' that shouldn't be there. We've been led to see them as some form of 'interference'. If we were actually taught to rely on our feelings and master them, life would be very different. We'd be able to feel our way through life a little more easily. I smile when I consider how well regarded HSPs would be in this case, if feelings were held in high regard. Tony, imagine you had people coming to you saying 'I don't know what this feeling I have is telling me. I need an expert in feeling, such as yourself', to which you reply (using your abilities of sensitivity) 'I feel what you're saying, regarding your issue, and I feel a 'depressing' sensation. Do you have any depressing people in your life?'. It would be like people employ you to get a feel for a situation. While a basically sensitive person could get a basic feel for what the problem could be, a highly sensitive person feels more intensely, more easily, more clearly. Imagine that, being employed by people to feel. Strange to think people actually do this for a living. Such people say they have strategies in place so that they aren't left overwhelmed, carrying a lot of intense emotion (from others) around with them. They master their ability to emotionally detach or cleanse themself of other people's feelings.

[quirkywords]

I have been reading the posts especially Tony’s and the rising.
zI don’t u derstand all that you. Both are expressing but I think I get the gist.

I have said this before but when people call me very sensitive they are not praising me.

I find being sensitive helps me understand others so why must HSP have to apologise and change.

[therising]

Hi quirkywords

Insulting people, who proclaim sensitivity as a weakness or a fault, really don't understand or recognise a lot of the abilities related to sensitivity. You've spoken about one of those abilities, your naturally ability to gain a better understanding of people, an amazing ability.

Was saying to someone just yesterday, if I had to choose between a high EQ and a high IQ, EQ would always be my preferred choice, by far. I think developing emotional intelligence can be such a gradual process and sometimes deeply challenging. I've found, part of the challenge comes down to making sense of certain feelings and what those feelings or physical sensations really mean.

One example that comes to mind is when you feel someone not liking you. You could meet someone for the first time and get a solid sense or a feel for the fact they simply don't like you. Hard not to take this personally. What you feel could be spot on. How that feeling is mentally processed can become the problem, possibly leading to 'What's wrong with me? Why don't they like me?' etc. You can take it personally. In truth, they may not like you because you simply remind them of someone who has deeply depressed them in the past. It's their perception and life experience that has led them to feel dislike towards you. You can't help the fact you look like someone from their past. Emotional intelligence is about identifying the feeling within your body (how your body is getting a feel for a person or a situation). I've found my body to be far more intelligent than my mind at times 🙂 I imagine most of us have had those times where we've said to our self (in hindsight) 'I should have trusted my gut'. Our gut can tell us when something's off about a person. A sudden uncomfortable feeling around the heart can tell us that someone is being heartbreaking towards us, even if we can't mentally process how they're being heartbreaking.

I've found, one of the most productive mantras in my life to be 'I can feel what you're doing to me'. I can feel if someone's stressing me, depressing me, triggering me to a challenge or shutting me down. Expanding on feeling, you can even feel for when someone needs help, even though they may be saying otherwise.

I think, when we're sensitive to feeling so much you gotta ask whether we humans are designed to be this way for good reason 🙂

[white knight]

Hi all,

I once watched a lecture by Dr Gray of Sydney about ADHD. How it developed in humans was the constant fear of mans broth/meals being stolen. Always looking around like a canary as he stirred his brew and worried about his family. A condition of ultra alertness developed... a tool for survival

I often wonder that sensitivity developed in the same way eg deep sadness for a dying relative or a tribal elder. Clearly as in ADHD and sensitivity, some humans developed these illnesses and symptoms and other did not. Perhaps some that didnt had the security of a clan, village or castle. I see ADHD as an illness that's main issue is that its symptoms result in behaviours outside the boundaries of what society see as acceptable for 'normal'. Yet it is a natural development.

As the Rising said, "EQ would always be my preferred choice, by far." There is no way I'd prefer a life without my HSP nor my Dysthymia (constant low mood) but the mood SWINGS I could give away!. Why? Because it allows me to "touch" the depths of love, earth, spirit and care. I dont like judging others but I do observe some that seem cold, unfeeling and consistently hard. Thats not to say they cannot give and receive love.

One such person was once my best friend from school. I'd known him 35 years (prior to diagnosis and medication)and never saw him cry. His father died and at the gravesite he did cry. The next day I asked him how he felt, he told me he still felt emotional and was recovering. I expressed to him that I understood and furthermore "...I feel like that (emotional)nearly every day at some point". I was trying to get him to connect the dots on how my sad and sensitive was like to live with. Guess what! He still didnt relate. It was a few weeks till he recovered from the trauma and in conversations he indicated that he couldnt see why I couldnt "control my emotions". Hence I dont try now to compare nor explain. Some are HSP and some arent.

In contrast my wife is HSP certainly and so we are more than compatible emotionally.

"Feelings seem to be the common theme.

TonyWK

[therising]

Hi Tony

It's always fascinating to hear about the suspected origins of genetic shifts of sorts, when it comes to our evolution as a species. A lot of the time you can be left thinking 'Yeah, I can see that. That makes sense'. Being led to consider what creates imbalances is also a fascinating one. Whether the imbalances come about through basic environmental influence or conditioning, genetic influence, chemical shifts or all 'round natural factors such as with what's lacking (the security of that tribe), there's a lot to wonder about.

I think imbalances play a major role in determining how we tick. I think about my 16yo son, for example. As a little kid, he's always had a truly mind blowing magnificent and imagination. While I led him to love and dive into his imagination more often, exercising his 'super power', this led to an imbalance. As he enters into year 11, we've employed a wonderful academic guide who's going to help him work on creating focus this year. The imbalance between imagination and focus is obvious and it frustrates him greatly at times, especially with school work. Whether grounded or off with the fairies, so to speak, the middle is such an incredibly important place to find. Hyperactive or little energy, the middle offers the sweet spot at times. Deluded in a constant state of bliss or depressed by challenges, the middle offers a unique perspective. Always pleasing others or always self serving, the middle offers ways of compromise. Hyper vigilance and anxiety or mindful relaxation, our nervous system and other energetic systems in our body thrive well in the middle.

The swings can definitely be a massive challenge. When it comes to the upswing, there are moments where those typical thoughts come up such as 'I'm waiting for something to go wrong (aka expecting the worst)' or 'This is not going to last'. It's like predicting the other extreme. Someone once explained this to me, the extremes, in a way I'd never considered it before. While one extreme offers a depressing or potentially depressing challenge to work through, the middle ground is where we meet the challenge and the positive up swing involves the bliss, joy or excitement that comes from having mastered it and no longer facing that challenge. Then, we swing back to the next challenge to master. It's a natural pendulum responsible for our progressive evolution. Knowing this doesn't make the process any easier at times. Evolving can be such exhausting work 🙂

[On The Road]

Hi, Tony

I think I may be one of the HSP, and I feel like I'm too self-conscious which is do no good for me, I can't control what ppl say, the thing I can do is to adjust myself.

However, I do have my moments of "talking reckless" that may hurt others which always made me feel bad right afterwards, I think of it a lot because I assume that everyone is just as sensitive as me. When I had the courage to talk about it with the person, most of them were like" I didn't realise that. It's fine you are just too sensitive". and somehow I just feel like I should reduce my interaction with this person to avoid the situation from happening again.

That's why I feel that my sensitivity didn't help me much in being a caring person, rather it is more like a burden. I saw some people who use their sensitivity very well.

[white knight]

Hi On the road, welcome to the thread

Unfortunately what I've found over my 65 years is that due to my sensitivity/bipolar etc I cannot adjust myself enough to fit in with some people. Everyone has some personalities they dont fit in with but we HSP's have many more that we find abrasive...or they find us too temperamental.

For that reason I've gone one step away from those types of people. Thos e"types" are not easily defined and usually I have to experience life with them hanging around for a period of time before I identify them. Then its a case of judgement

• Are they only acting like this for a short time?
• Do they act like this towards me only in the presence of others eg will they be a great personal friend one on one?
• Do they have demons themselves that I could help them with and find common ground.?

I dont find its a case of immediate and obvious rejection.

"and I feel like I'm too self-conscious" better that than "I dont care about anything nor anybody" which in middle age is very common after a few decades of hurt/relationship breakdown etc.

It's isnt unlike boxing. You dont know when someone is going to throw a punch. Best approach is to be prepared to dodge the blow then back off and observe, then when ready take action.

There is no alternative, I've tried them all.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/want-to-be-a-hermit-

The above thread is the rejection of society experiments I did in my 20's.

If it's any consolation, the older and wiser you get the less of a problem this is as you keep adjusting towards the most ideal lifestyle where you have a balance of human contact among loved ones and compatible friends and distance monitoring of those of potential trouble or incompatibility.

TonyWK

[therising]

Hi On The Road

From what you say, is it possible you've met with 'the straight talker' in you. To give an example, just say you face someone who's often closed minded, degrading and over opinionated. They're the kind of person who shuts you down quite often, when you feel you've got something really good or valid to offer to a conversation. Feeling being shut down can be such a trigger for a HSP, because they can so easily sense that feeling in their body. While part of you may be triggered to feel disappointment, being shut down so often by this person, or a part of you might be triggered to feeling anger, cue 'the straight talker' in you. The straight talker may sound a little like 'Okay, let me give it to you straight. You often behave like an over opinionated closed minded a-hole and I've pretty much had enough'. The problem becomes...when the straight talker takes a back seat after this confrontation and the part that drives you to be kind comes to the forefront, cue the guilt. The straight talker in you that just can't tolerate nonsense may have been absolutely spot on in their observations of that person. The straight talker in you allowed you to be brutally honest in that moment. I've found, sometimes the straight talker in me requires a filter, something that I'm trying to master (when to use a filter, when not to and how much of a filter to use).

I think sometimes, if I can't carefully wake someone up to how incredibly thoughtless or cruel they're being toward me, my last ditch effort may mean no filter (aka psychological slap/wake up call). If, still, they don't consider the potentially stressful or depressing damage they're doing, the challenge comes down to minimising my interaction with them or cutting them off completely. This can become quite an emotional and mentally tormenting challenge at times.

Perhaps it's the straight talker in us who takes care of the kid in us at times. The straight talker can be a brave and intolerant and protective facet of our self, saving the kid in us or our gentle nature from harm. Mastering consciously channeling our straight talking self can do wonders for self esteem. Again, mastering the filter aspect can be key, meaning less regret in the long run.

The straight talker in us can be a handy no nonsense boundary setter, dictating what boundaries people should not cross. I've found there are many facets to a highly sensitive person 🙂

[quirkywords]

Tony

Your last paragraph intrigued me.

If it's any consolation, the older and wiser you get the less of a problem this is as you keep adjusting towards the most ideal lifestyle where you have a balance of human contact among loved ones and compatible friends and distance monitoring of those of potential trouble or incompatibility.

I must not be wise enough or old enough as I am still upset by people who are mean to me.

The rising,

I can rarely find my straight talker because the few times it is seen as more sarcastic talker and not straight upfront talker.

I cringe when people misconstrue my words of standing up for myself as being full of sarcasm. So I put up with people bring critical and remain quiet.

The people pleaser I am can not handle people seeing me as rude I instead of straight talking.

Not sure if this makes sense or anyone can relate to my ramble,