Hi:)

[theawkwardsensei_514]

Hi! My name's Ainslie and this is my fist time on this platform.👉👈 For the past 6 years I've been suffering from depression and in 2015 my best friend passed away when I was in primary school. Its been so tough for me to forget about the past. 😞 I miss my friend and its been so hard to heal even though I'm 17 right now. There are those times where I even get triggered of the smallest things during school and I hate showing my emotions. Even though I'm with a group of friends, I still feel empty and lonely and when someone tries to help, they don't understand how I feel. I'm sorry if I sound a bit selfish, but I came here to not feel alone:)

(I'm an introvert)

Thankyou so much for reading this:))

[Aaronsis]

Welcome Ainslie

It is so lovely to chat with you and I am so very proud of you for reaching out to the forum to get some support and some comfort and some conversation.

I am so very sorry you have had to say good bye to your dear friend and that at such a young age you are learning about grief and how to process the thoughts and feelings that go with it. You are 17 and are coping with this, I am 46 and am still learning too, and that is the very thing about grief, there are no rules, there is no "one size fits all", but what there is is a journey. Some will tell you to do this or to do that, while it is great to consider what they are offering, and these things may help, the only person who can go on this journey is you, it is your healing.

I have tired writing in a journal, that was so very wonderful for me, I was able to purge and to be angry, to blame and to be sad, to write things that did not make sense or even just to put words on a page, see it was for me, no one else. I have not even gone back to reread them, they just live there on that page but it helped in that I was not carrying them around each day.

I found wonderful people on this very forum to talk about different ways in which they cope and as I said before, some were great and some not so....but just having people here to share with and who will listen without judgement was wonderful.

I do little things to remember my lost loved ones who have passed, I have some candles that I burn from time to time and on special occasions, that helps me to feel like I am still including them in my life and to acknowledge their place in my life still.

I have also done some work of forgiving myself and making sense of the guilt and the blame that I was living with too, that has really helped me.

I am sure you are also aware of Kids Helpline, they are available 24/7 and have some wonderful wonderful people to chat to on 1800 55 1800, and even a web chat if that makes you feel more comfortable:

https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling

I hear what you are saying in that even though you have people around you you still feel alone, that is not unusual to feel that either so know there is nothing at all wrong with you, at all...and you are most definitely not being selfish, it is called reaching out to learn how to take care of you, and that is so very important.

I hope to chat to you some more, if you would like to and to share what ever it is you would like to chat about.

Hugs to you

Sarah

[Amanda2000]

Hi Ainslie

Welcome. I'm an introvert too. Yes I can relate to how you feel. Talking to someone who doesn't understand makes me feel worse. It's like they would give a simplistic response and trivialise our condition. I'm here to listen if you would like to talk more. Take care.

[theawkwardsensei_514]

Thankyou so much! \^.^/

[theawkwardsensei_514]

*Hugs you back too!* Thankyou so much! I'm on the verge of tears man. My friend who passed away also has the same name as you^^ I'm sorry for your losses and I hope you are doing well through it all. Thankyou for reaching out to me because I still haven't told my parents what I have been going through. Thankyouuuuuu!!!!!

Hugs you again:)

[Aaronsis]

Well it is very lovely to speak to you too and we are here anytime you want to chat, to get some things off your chest or even practice what you may like to share with your parents in time.

No pressure to share what you are going through with your parents but can I suggest that the way that they may respond to you may not be the way you think. It is not easy being a parent and getting it right, however I think the most important thing is to ensure our kids are happy and healthy. You could even share with them what you have written here, it is very clear and you have expressed yourself very well. As I said, no pressure to share with them but they will I am sure, be your biggest supporters.

How is today going for you? I hope that the new school year is going well for you and that you are coping well in that space.

I am here anytime that you want to talk about your friend Sarah, to talk about how you are coping with her passing, it is never easy to manage grief and it is not a one size fits all as we have said before.

Sometimes a big cry is so very awesome to let it all out and to be free of some of the pain and emotion, so let yourself do that too.

Hugs to you today Ainslie and hope to chat some more to you.

Hope something wonderful happens today to make you smile.

Sarah xxxx

[theawkwardsensei_514]

Awww! Thankyou so much eomma! (mum) ^u^ Yes, today something really good happened and I met my friends mom at "I love NDIS" I asked her if I could have permission to sketch her and she sent me a photo of Sarah for me:)) I thankyou for you support:)) God Bless YOU and your family😇😇😇

[Aaronsis]

WOW....this is fantastic news theawkwardsensei

I am so very very happy to hear that you had this experience and that you got to meet your friends mum firstly, and then on top of that that you were able to obviously have a beautiful conversation about Sarah and then leading to you sketching her.

This is such awesome news and I would love to hear how the sketch goes and how you are going with your "I love NDIS" group too.

Much love to you and here anytime that you want to share or to vent or to celebrate, we are here.

Huge hugs to you and so very very happy for you.

Sarah xx

[theawkwardsensei_514]

I am currently placing my finishing touches to the sketch of Sarah ^o^!! I would love to show you if I could :)) Thankyou for always being here for me to listen to what I have to say:D

[Aaronsis]

OH WOW...that is so very exciting that you have your sketch almost complete ...

You can actually save it as a profile pic here if you wanted to share it with us, things like art and general images are fine to load up here, just not ones of you as we like to keep you feeling like you can share here and be safe and anonymity is a part of that too.

I am sure that you have done the most amazing job in capturing "Sarah" and that her personality and her beauty has really come through in your drawing. I hope that in some way too that you got some comfort from doing this, I am sure there were so many emotions really as you connected with your friend. Will you show her mum?

I loved reading that you feel like you are supported here and that we are here for you, we really are, and even though it is through a computer or phone we really are just on the other side, listening, caring and giving you a virtual hug to let you know that we care.

I hope today is filled with everything wonderful and that something awesome can bring a smile to your face.

Hugs to you and looking forward to chatting some more to you.

Hugs

Sarah xx