Hi, I’m new here

[Cellardoor]

Hello

I’m here because I feel extremely lonely and somehow talking to strangers about how I feel is better than trying to tell my friends.

It really feels like no one cares about me. I have friends at work, friends from uni, friends I’ve known since year 7 (known them for 13 years now), and siblings and family and cousins but it honestly feels like not a single person truly understands me, or wants to spend time with me, or actually cares.

Maybe they’ll ask how my day was, or give me a hug when I’m upset, or go out somewhere with me for fun. But it always feels empty. I feel often that people tune out when I tell them how I am. Or they’ll listen but not seem to care beyond being there in the moment, but after that it’s just like I’m all alone again.

I’ve always seemed to care more in relationships than the other person, and so it makes me less and less inclined to seek any sort of friendships because I’m tired of the feeling I get when they stop caring or trying to see me.

I feel unhappy and lonely every single day, every time I hang out with people or work or do uni it’s a welcome distraction, but as soon as that’s over I just feel awful and lonely and empty inside. It feels like I never have any energy, and a lot of the time, thinking about how I could die is such a peaceful, happy, calming thought, it’s the most effective way I’ve found to feel better. Above things I love like music or food or animals or maths or sport, it feels like genuine happiness instead of forced like when I try to do these activities.

ive already been told time and time again to do new things and join communities but I’ve done this so much, trying to meet new people and constantly being unsuccessful has left me drained and tired of this.

Really I feel tired in general, and the only motivation I have to keep going each day is societal pressure to keep acting like everything is ok.

I’m just tired of everything, including these feelings, and ending everything feels like where I will go if it ever gets worse than it is now.

Well, that’s an essay but I just wanted to be honest.

[Mez79]

Hi Cellardoor.
Welcome and applaud you for opening up on this forum. You can be assured that there'll be someone on here who'll understand or can at least empathize with you and what you are going through.
I can kind of imagine what you're going through especially about the part about doing new things and joining groups, but once that is all over you revert back to that same lonely feeling.
That happened to me even today a group of ladies had invited me to morning tea as I sat there listening I still couldn't shake this feeling of loneliness even in a group of 8. I'm even attempting to be a zumba instructor. While I'm on stage it's all for show and smiles but as soon as I wave off my last student I feel alone again.
Have you thought about discussing any of this with a GP. I also have feel like I have no energy both physically and mentally. I'm at the stage know that I'm consulting with my GP and trying to get my iron & thyroid levels up to improve the energy. I'm considering telling her that I am now feeling mentally strained as well and see what she suggests.
You've said you have tried joining groups. Do you feel/think that if you could help someone in the same boat feel better would help.
What I'm trying to say is perhaps create your own group. Currently back home a person is trying to create a men's walking group in order for men to meet up, walk and speak about men's and mental health.
I already do something similar with a gym group where we meet go and walk to our coffee destination then return, it seems to help a bit.
Are you able to have pets? Is there something you could join through uni (I think you mentioned uni) or create a study group.
Most importantly as much as it feels like dying maybe peace it shouldn't be an option. I used to think like that but then I picture the look of my nephew's face when he realised his aunty will no longer be around. Is there someone like that in your life perhaps.
Sorry for the essay length in the response but I just hope that you find some comfort in knowing you're not the only one feeling like this. Stay strong.
Mez

[beyourself]

I know what you mean. I am also new here and I would love to be my self again. I find it hard to talk to others about my problems. So what fun life is.