Hi I am acutely depressed, anxious and also alcoholic

[chickenpie]

I have cut back my drinking a lot this year and thought alcohol was the problem, then when I stopped I was still acutely depressed and anxious and am now addressing these issues as well. I have been attending AA meetings for three years (am only 19 days sober, have gotten 5 months but was still very mentally ill and did not realise it), thought because I was not drinking I was anxious/depressed and now realise these actually came before the addiction. Have had gr8 support from lots of AA members, the mental health crisis assessment team at my local hospital and today is my first time on the forums here. Am much better today after waking up in tears again as recently as yesterday and fearing I may have to be hosipitalised (the mental health team have visited in my home). I have only just realised how crippling acute depression and anxiety can be because of the self medicating and addiction, I thought drugs and alcohol alone were my problem. Anyhooo wanted to post this as a thread as I have looked for similar ones and not found anything recent (last was around 2014) and am not familiar with threads or posting so just wanted to touch base and share and get any feedback that may be out there that's more recent. Gr8ful for a good start to my day today, hanging in there after putting the rope over the rafter and chair underneath as recently as 15 or so days ago....so used to self medicating but now nowhere left to run, don't want to do it anymore and am taking positive steps and actually GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE, WALKING AND TALKING TO PEOPLE :0! I guess y'all no how hard that is when depressed and even worse when you isolate through drinking, it's been decades.

Just wanted to share that, and say hello and put it out there in the cyberverse, don't really understand how it all works....

[Neil_1]

Hi there chicken pie (gotta say I love the name, by the way)

Welcome to Beyond Blue and you’ve done brilliantly – coming here and providing your post;  well done to you.

Also this is brilliant that you’re taking up this challenge and believe me, it IS a big challenge, to stop the drink and to go without it.  You should be damn proud of yourself for chalking up 19 DOG days – that’s a fun term I use for myself (Days Off Grog).  I recently chalked up 185 DOG days for this year.

That is awesome that you’re finding excellent support from AA members and also that the mental health team were able to come by and visit you also.  That is something that should fill you up with a lot of confidence and help you continue on this path.

There are so many positives that are generated from not drinking;  but a couple that quickly spring to mind is your physical health and well-being and also your wallet will become heavier, from the money that are saving also.

Your other positives of getting out of your house and going out and walking and meeting up with people and having a chat also – these are all fantastic things and again, you should be feeling bloody proud of yourself with all that you’re doing.

I do hope to hear back from you on here as well.

Neil

[white knight]

Hi Chickenpie, a warm welcome here,

My friend Neil has kindly replied and I'm sorry such a delay to me writing a similar reply came about. Honestly found it hard to reply to this post.

You are a fighter and I think that aspect of you is what struck me as being so unique. Yes, walk, and walk, you never know what is around the corner in life....an old lady pruning her flowers, a baby magpie that's been struck by a car and needs rescuing (happened to us jus the other day and we took it to a refuge) or simply enjoying life.

Also motivation lecture are a good thing to watch out for. In 1982 I attended one and it changed my life forever. Even with mind struggles I remained positive most of the time due to that man urging me on.

Again welcome here and I hope you enjoy this unique friendly bunch of people that do one thing well....we care.

Tony WK

[geoff]

dear Chickenpie, congratulate yourself, because one day is great, but 19 days is a mammoth effort, and for someone who does drink, it's not easy to stop.

I'm so pleased the Neil and Tony have replied back to you.

It would be great to hear back from you, even daily, just to see how you are going.

Any addiction is never easy to stop, it has to come from yourself, you have to decide that you don't want to drink, and that's exactly what you have decided to do.

Drinking alcohol can be so dangerous to a human being, it increases the risk of having a stroke and then sitting in a wheel chair in a nursing home, having the staff feed you, while you are only young, this is what my psychologist kept telling me when I was depressed and drinking heavily, so she asked me this 'do you want this to happen to you and your sons and grandchildren to come and visit you looking like that'.

I am really sorry for saying all of this, but it's something which I feared could happen with me.

Try and stay in touch with your AA, they know exactly what you are going through and please reply back to us because this support which you may need. Geoff.

[Stormi71]

Hi chickenpie,

To me, alcohol and depression are a vicious circle. I was drinking because I was depressed, and it became a habit. Didn't even really enjoy the drinking, it was making me sick. But I felt less depressed. Then I stopped drinking after being out on my medication, went for about 8 months sober. But the effects of not drinking were terrible, but I persevered. Then you feel like you have a handle on it again, so you'll have that one night of social drinking, and then be fine for weeks. But then you start feeling depressed again, so you decide to drink, because you feel like you are in control of it. But soon that occasional drink becomes drinking excessively every night, and you once again have to stop and put up with all the withdrawal side effects. 

So well done on the 19 days. It might not seem long, but it really is. Just remember that it will take a while to really feel better, but the side effects will go away. Like giving up anything of addiction, try to avoid situations that you'd normally drink. I found it easy to stop drinking at home, but knew if I went to a social event at a club etc that I would want to drink. So I avoided those for while (not that they happened very often). Also, alcohol is depressant, so we think it is helping, when really it's just making our depression worse. 

[PatT]

Hi Chickenpie,

Good stuff for getting some sober time up. I'm about 15 months clean and sober coming off an addiction to painkillers and alcohol and I guarantee you it gets so much better the more time you have up. AA meetings are great to keep you sober but if you feel like you need to go into hospital for a while then do it. I spent 6 weeks in rehab last year and the skills i learned in there helped me to stay clean and sober as long as I have.

Depression follows alcoholism, alcoholism follows depression. They both hinge on one another. I started drinking and doing drugs because I was depressed and highly anxious - it only made the situation worse and so much harder to get out of. The reason that it continues to suck when you stop drinking is a result of something called "Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome" or PAWS. PAWS is all the mental turmoil that catches up with you when you stop drinking. You've been suppressing all these emotions with booze but when you remove something that you build your life around (drinking) you experience a massive gap and the return of feelings, just amplified. PAWS last for a while but it does subside. 

Please stick around the forums - it will do you a ton of good. And good luck with whatever decision you decide to make, we're here for you.

[Neil_1]

Hi there

I don’t know if you’re still around Chickenpie, but I really hope that you’ve been here to read these replies.

I just wanted to pop back here and say “Well done” to both Pat T for your amazing effort with the 15 months clean and for your great story shared and I particularly liked the bit about PAWS.  That really does make so much sense.   Also to Stormi for your 8 months effort as well.

From my viewpoint any amount of time is congratulations worthy.

Cheers

Neil