Hello

[adamc]

Hello, I'm a 36-year old man and have suffered depression for many years. I was bullied constantly in high school and have always preferred to keep things to myself.

[adamc]

To be honest, I don't know how I would feel to simply let it go. Kelli never deserved to have her issues simply dismissed.

I spoke to Sane Australia last night on a walk and told them because of my inability to get the vets to listen to me in that there was something wrong other than arthritis cost me my beloved dog's life. They all say if something is found early enough, it can be treated but that's only if the vets are interested in doing the proper investigation.

Kelli always got treated for what the vets thought she had rather than what she did have. Everyday I miss her and it just makes me so angry at the vets for what happened to her. I sent my young sister an email today saying I had sent a formal complaint to the vet who kept dismissing my concerns and she said either I can talk to them or she would. I think she would be the better option.

When mum and I went out today, she asked me if I've been in the backyard since we found Kelli motionless and I told her "Yes, it's too quiet and empty." All of a sudden she asked "Would you want it kept quiet?" clearly hinting at the fact she wants to get another dog. My mum and eldest sister never want the responsibility that comes with having pets. To them, it's the idea of having them.

I know Kelli is keeping watch over me now but how do I want her to find me? Depressed that I have lost her or happy because I'm getting on with life? I am not happy at all that I can no longer see or hear her. She was my angel.

She was a Queensland Blue Heeler with Kelpie cross with a little Border Collie.

[missep123]

I feel as though Kelli will always be your guardian angel and be in a special part of your heart. That's how I feel about my dog too.

Is your sister going to speak to the vet?

Queensland Blue Heeler with Kelpie and Border Collie, that's a great mix. It sounds like Kelli must have been a very loyal and loving dog.

[adamc]

I don't know if she'll speak to them, probably will if they ring her. I hope she does. Unlike me, my young sister can be forceful with her opinions. As Kelli was like my daughter, my sister would be forceful with those that she believed weren't doing their job properly with her daughters' health.

The vet clinic rang up earlier to discuss my complaint but it was a receptionist, not one of the vets. All they said was they'll make a note of it and hopefully something like this never happens again.

Mum said to me yesterday that "Look, she was old." I always noticed with Kelli that while she was nearly 17, she never acted like an old dog. The other week when I helped her out of her kennel so she could go to the toilet, I had to tell her to slow down so mum and vets can't say that she passed due to old age.

Kelli was unique. Every night I go out the back as I have done for many years but recently I've noticed a bright star in the same place almost right over our house. I keep telling Kelli how much I miss her, that she should still be here. Like I failed her.

She was very loving and caring. We lost her weeks after Dad's birthday, the month before my youngest sister's and eldest niece's birthdays and the week after Mother's Day. Kelli would've been a great mother. Last year when she first met my youngest niece who might've been only a month old, Kelli licked the bottom of her foot as if to say "Hello".

[missep123]

I think that's really beautiful that there is a bright star in the same place over your house. Does this give you comfort when you look at it?

Dogs are such lovely animals with sweet natures.

It seems that Kelli was a very happy dog, I think you helped to make her such a happy dog!

[adamc]

She was a very happy dog and very caring. When Dad fell of the ladder last year and was laying on the ground, Kelli came up to check on him.

It's nice seeing the star in the sky as though it's her. I go out every night and talk to her, about how I miss her and what's been going on.

We got her ashes back today and it does get emotional looking at her box, seeing her smiling, happy face in the photo. I guess that's how she wants me to remember her.

The other day I was going to have a hypnotherapy appointment at home to try and remember where I put that special photo of the two of us but as usual, Dad told me the negative points of doing it and that's really all I have gotten over the years. Anything I have wanted to do, everyone has been giving me the negative aspects and ending with "But if you still want to do it, that's your choice." It's never been anything positive.

[missep123]

That's very beautiful of Kelli to do that.

I think it's really great that you go out and talk to her. How do you feel after doing that?

I think you're right, our pets loved us so much and want us to remember them as our happy loved ones.

Sorry to hear that the things you've wanted to do have been pushed back. I think it may come down to other having different ways of thinking and doing things. I know what you mean though, I have experienced this too.

[adamc]

After dad fell off the ladder, Kelli didn't get a walk for about 2 months; my sister did take her for one a few days after Dad's accident but other than that, Kelli didn't get one for a while. It's not that I didn't want to, it's just that I was worried about Dad. He shouldn't have been up there.

Going outside is strange because there's still Kelli's water bowls that are still full and she left an imprint on the grass where she always liked to lay. Talking to Kelli at night as I gaze up at the stars is heartbreaking because it's not where she is supposed to be. She should be sound asleep in her kennel. When I come inside, I still feel like I failed her and not knowing what was wrong at the end.

While mum wanted another dog a mere 2 days after Kelli passed, I couldn't bear to get another one. Some pets are irreplaceable and for me, Kelli is. After what I went through with vets and my distrust of them, I would hate to have to go through it all again. Because animals can't tell you when there's something wrong, they rely on us to notice it and have it seen to. You don't know if what the vets say is true or not.

[missep123]

I can relate to how you felt about your dad's accident. When my mum fell, my dog didn't get walked for a while too and it wasn't that I didn't want to but I was just really worried about my mum and wanting to be there for her in case she needed anything.

I know that things have been very challenging and heartbreaking after Kelli's passing, what do you think you will be able to do to help you move on? In saying that even from my own experience I know that grieving after a pet's passing can come in all shapes and forms. I'm here for you!

[josh1245]

Hey adamc I would like to welcome you to this wonderful online community and would also like to appalud you for your incredible strength and courage In asking for help it’s something to be incredible proud of. I’m really sorry that you are currently going through this hard time. I would recommend you go to your gp and talk about what you are going through and them refer you to a qualified professional.

[adamc]

Thank-you.

I don't know what I can do to move on. Kelli was my dearest and closest friend. Where everyone else pushed me away, she never did. And I always lose those I care about. When I express a fondness for some women, they either leave, pretend to return my affections or say "Yuck!" I was saying to Dad the other day that I found that when Kelli passed, our cat Angel has gotten more affectionate.

Plus Dad has many health problems as well; he eats hardly anything (his own choice) and probably only gets about 2 hours of sleep a night. This lack of sleep has been going on for many years. When we've been trying to get him to do something about it, he says he knows why; stress. He's anxious about paying bills and keeping a roof over our heads. I fear he's causing his own problems and I hate that.

After I lost Kelli, I'd hate to think that Dad will be next.