Heartbroken...

[MAnon]

Ever since I left my ex-boyfriend in North America I’ve been feeling depressed. Not crying constantly depressed, just generally feeling down, unmotivated, confused and less confident in myself. The world seems muddled, or my mind does? Like I can’t think clearly and don’t
really know what I’m doing or what to do in general... Its really hard to explain but it kind of feels like a combination of lack of self-belief and uncertainty (I guess they’re kind of the same thing?), which I didn’t feel when I was with him (which was only two weeks ago…)

Most things feel like a struggle but simultaneously I feel pressured to do more with my life and achieve more than usual. Bit of a conundrum!

Also it’s really weird/frustrating but I don’t feel nearly as beautiful now that we’re not together. He made me feel
beautiful I guess. And I miss that. It would be nice to feel that way without him too.

I am in emotional pain. And I know I’m not going to be with him for quite a while if at all so I need to get better
without him. I want to feel really good again. Currently, we’re not together. We’re worlds apart. Literally.

The context:
I’m (F26) from Australia. Earlier this month, I spent a week with him (M27) in America, which is where he now lives. We dated for a year and a half before breaking up about a year and a half ago due to his move overseas (for some fancy shmancy job). We had a great time together in the States but there were many tears upon saying our goodbyes and it’s been hard ever since.

Because it’s been really hard I texted him the other day saying that I think it’s best we don’t meet up when he visits Aus at the end of this year. Now we’re not really talking… Hard to go from being so in love and happy together to absolutely nothing. We never didn’t work, he just strongly felt the need to live overseas on his own for a while. While I understand why he did what he did and deep down I know he loves me, it’s still really frustrating to go on living my life as a single woman while he’s living on the other side of the world, with no real plans for the future...

[geoff]

hello MAnon, your story is a sad one and I feel for you and understand why you are feeling the way you do.
I'm sure he made you feel beautiful and that's the hardest part to all of this and can't understand why he wanted to move o/s, good job or not, so of course you are going to feel depressed, so is there any reason why you can't join him, because long distance r/ship generally never last, but in the meantime there is so much pain.
The job he has now got maybe highly paid, but can you compare that to being in love with someone for a year and a half, to me, love is much more important. Geoff.

[MAnon]

Hi Geoff. Firstly, thank you for your empathetic response, I really appreciate it.

I probably would move over there if that's what he wanted but to be honest I don't think he's ready to commit to what would be a 'lifetime relationship' (or at least a relationship with the intention of being for life). Plus we've never lived together before which makes it a bit scary..

I mean I want him to turn around and ask me to live with him o/s and show that he's 100% genuine and committed but I know that's not going to happen because he's so not ready for a de facto relationship.

I'm guessing (although I could be wrong about this) that he wants a girlfriend but not with the intention of being together indefinitely; only with the intention of being together for a year or two (once again, I don't actually no as I haven't spoken to him about that topic recently).

Deep down I know that, as it currently stands, no girl is going to compare to me and he loves and misses me however the fact of the matter is we're living in two different countries and - for whatever reason - he's not willing to make it work. I think he's just not ready yet. I don't feel comfortable asking him either.

Anyway. I still feel down and finding it very hard to be motivated to go out tonight but I'm going to force myself..!

[geoff]

hello MAnon, thanks for getting back to me, and can I say that there is a huge difference between being in a r/ship living apart, but not so far away, but being about 20 minutes away from each other, to living together, it's a massive difference, because there are bills, rent and cleaning of the flat/house that needs to be sorted out, and sometimes one person does much more than the other, so the r/ship can then become strained, I'm saying that this could happen, and I don't want to see you get hurt in anyway.
It's also one thing to think about in the future.
I loved my wife (ex) but there always an agreement we made that the share is 50/50, until the later years when I would turn on the vaccuum outside of the bathroom where my wife was having a shower and thought I was cleaning, and came out and said the house looks great, I was always like that, a bit cheeky. Geoff.

[MAnon]

Haha that's a great trick! I'm feeling a bit better now and perhaps I'll see him when he comes to my city at the end of this year... and we'll see what happens