I don't really want people to know I've gone backwards.

[Thecrazychick]

Joined two minutes ago. Having bad days for first time in a long time and felt the need to talk. I don't really want people to know I've gone backwards. 

I've been transitioning off meds. And yesterday it suddenly all hit like a bolt. I was back to being the terrible, screaming, bad tempered, irrational, weepy mother that I haven't been in so long.  And it SHOCKED me. How awful I was.  Because I forgot. And because that was what my kids had to deal with for so long. They are such beautiful kids and they deserve better. 

And it's so eye-opening to go from fine to that overnight. Because you really see it clearly. If it had happened that suddenly at the beginning it wouldn't have taken so long to get help. Because it was pretty obviously a sick lady.

And now I just sit. And cry.

Crap

[Joey5]

I read this post, and it's as if you were writing my thoughts. I am feeling exactly the same way right now, and it sucks.

[sisi]

Mind if I join?

Heading towards winter, most frightening season for those living alone. To top it up,  only recently lost my 14 year old  cat, my companion, therapy.. all what a pet got on  offer when depression hit.  What an excellent, four legged little trouper it was .

Tears.

[Thecrazychick]

That shouldn't make me feel better, but it's nice to be able to rant at people who understand. Instead of someone with some well meaning advice like have a massage. 

Joey5 - yeah, it sucks. I'm in such a fog today. Amazing how I still manage to smile and crack a joke every time I speak to someone. Then I go all sucky and foggy the moment they're gone. 

Sisi - I'm so sorry 😞 that's hard at the best of times xxx

[manda_77]

" the terrible, screaming, bad tempered, irrational, weepy mother" 

this is me at the moment as well. I am feeling so stressed all the time. I am wondering if I should go on antidepressants. I have taken them before and had side effects.

[Karen71]

Wish I had the energy to wright the right wordsinsteadif I knew you I would hug u and say I love u corny yep

so just pretend my arms are wrapped around u just because your  u and nothing unwarm can get in just for a minute

[ian6880]

You know what you need is a massage!!!

Sorry couldn't resist my warped sense of humour.

It sounds like you are really going through the ringer what a roller coaster, it is very scary feeling that explosion building and not being able to stop it. No-one really can appreciate how that feels from your perspective. But you have to stay strong and overcome this for you and for your kids, if you ever have any doubts look at your kids to draw strength and inspiration from. You will reap the rewards soon.

Also stay strong Joey and Karen and Sisi and sorry about your best friend.

My thoughts are with you all.

Always good for a chat

Ian

[Karen71]

Hi .

I feel your pain.

It sucks to cry all the time.

Please be kind to yourself, you will get there.

Remember to go to doctors if you continue to feel so bad. You may need to reduce meds slower or plan a recovery action plan for bad days.

Remember to eat well especially in the morning . Seratonine which is one of the chemicals in our body that makes happiness and stabilises mood is released from gut ( g.i.system) by eating.

You are not alone .

Its ok to stumble as you grow.

There is no time frame on healing it takes as long as it needs. You will get there.

Remember to exercise .It will help those happy chemicals in body to work.

Yes i know it sounds so easy .It isnt.

Exercise and eating well is the last thing you want todo.It will help.

My arms are around you. Be kind to yourself.

[Karen71]

Tell someone. Dont hide that your not ok. Use your healthy tools and seek help if you need to. There is no shame in stumbling.Its part of recovery and life. You will get there.