having one of my bad days again. flushing my brain onto you guys

[Alastairt]

well another crap week of work is over again . felt like once again i didnt achieve anything like my life is in this kind of spiral that just doesnt end. everyday i think about which song i want played at my funeral as i dont want someone to play something i dont like it would annoy me ( i wonder when we die if we will be at our own funerals in spirit?) . the thing is i hate being sad all the time but if for whatever  someone could make me happy and well i really dont know if i would want that either? .everyday i wonder if it will be the last one i have on earth. im to scared of the pain of suicide so it isnt an option for me . 

i really hate the human race at times though i feel if i was dying in the middle of a busy street people would be to busy to stop and help me and walk right past me. people on this planet really need to learn to spend time with one another rather than watch tv and sit on facebook. at times i actually wonder if im the one with mental health issues ?

thanks again
alastair 

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Alistair,

Thank you for posting.

Believe me when I tell you that you aren't alone in your ambivalence about our society. I'm fifty and every year I lament that society seems less caring and more selfish than the previous year. I guess some of it is perspective, for example, you have a job yet many out there are depressed because they cannot find work. I get cranky at myself for my (self inflicted) poor health but a quick trip to the kids hospital would remind me that I am pretty okay and have some control over my health.

I noticed you have mentioned that "what if someone could make me happy". I often tell myself that no-one is responsible for my feelings but me. I don't know if that is helpful to you but I would encourage you to make yourself the one responsible for how you are feeling.

Keep posting. You sound normal and intelligent, and appropriately disappointed with the behaviour by elements of our society. Let's talk more deeply about the things that concern you, if you wish.

For the record, I'm having Simple Minds, "Don't You Forget About Me" when I go!

Kind regards, John.

[Alastairt]

thanks for the wise words john im not to sure i want to be happy even if i could make myself not depressed and sad. a short time ago i was really on top of my illness and was happy didnt have a worrry in the world but by being happy i felt worried that there should have been something to be sad about (anxiety?) . good song choice btw.

Being a 26yo isnt fun. Ive been separated for over 12 months out of a 7 year relationship and share custody of my 3 children the mother left me as she "didnt love me anymore". since ive tried to move on to other women but the issue is that women these days dont care if you are a genuine guy who cares and will treat them right.Most my age prefer somebody of a lower breed with tattoo's  and a great physical appearance regardless of there intention. Im not even sure if there is someone out there for me anymore as i just dont seem to fit in with my generation . my song of choice at the moment and the one i connect with the most is, nirvana - somthing in the way (mtv unplugged version). 
  

[CrashCoyote]

Hi again Alistair,

First of all, unplugged in New York 1994? Good version. Even I know that song! The lyrics are very non-judgemental if I interpret them correctly, although I guess anyone can read what they like into them, especially since Kurt isn't able to explain them now.

I think being a single dad is tough at any age and losing a long time partner is made harder by the need to have on-going communication around the care of the children. You are at an age where relationships are very important and I think it is hard to find people of any age that appreciate a person for who they are rather than how they look. It is a bit tricky because none of us want to sign up with someone we know isn't our type and it is doubly harder with young children as they will be part of that mix. I don't think it is comforting when I say that finding someone special at any age is difficult, but that is the truth of it.

There is definitely someone (maybe lots of) women that are right for you. Finding them is the hard part. For what it is worth, I have almost always found women when I wasn't looking for them. Random meetings at places like a supermarket or through mutual friends or waiting at a bus stop. It sounds corny, I know, but maybe when we are at our most natural the right people are drawn to us? 

You are a young man with three kids that you clearly love very much, or you wouldn't be sharing custody. In the short term, can I suggest you focus on getting your life with them sorted and in a routine (if you haven't already) and when you least expect it you may meet the right lady. Don't under estimate what a draw card children and doting dad's are to many ladies! 

I'd like to keep posting with you if you like. My advice is only that, advice, and you are best placed to know what feels right for you. If you need a sounding board, though, people like myself, Tony (White Knight), Neil, Geoff and Mrs Dools (Doolhof), not to mention the rest of the usual suspects are here.

Kind regards, John.

[geoff]

dear Alastair, being in love and having kids at a young age soon turn around, simply because we have to mature, as we now have a huge responsibility and our personalties change quickly, well they have too because now we have kids to look after, and every year as they grow up their demands become more and more, firstly with kindergarden then school and their sporting interests.

So what happens is that the parents change and then it's very possible to alter how and who they now love.

There's no text book on any of this or if there are articles on what to do are only what the author feels themselves to be right, but are they, no, not all the time, because life isn't run by any text book as there are so many variations.

Wanting to fall in love again isn't quiet that easy, because your hours, days or times could be restricted and not suitable for the other person, as they may want to go out at night but you are baby-sitting your kids, so that's a downer.

If you do happen to go out at night someone might be interested in you, however this could be alcohol induced as well physical attraction, but could you have a relationship with them, maybe or maybe not, but it's not love, because you can't love someone over one night, to fall in love requires a bit of time.

Most of us guys would love Miss/Mrs. A, B or C to walk through the door and take us in our arms and immediately fall in love with us, unfortunately they won't , but to us there is someone who we adore to take their exact spot who will be there waiting for us.

I'm 60 and have probably missed my cue, but your still young, remember Adam met Eve, or did they. lol Geoff.