having a sibling with depression

[jane_1]

Hi,

I have a younger sister who has been struggling with depression for 2 years now. We have been taking her to a psychologist, but am unsure whether it is helping her. I wanted to know what are some signs or ways that it is helping her?

I find myself feeling very anxious. I hate seeing my parents so worried and am unsure what to do. Whenever she seems tired or sad or is crying, I feel sick. I don't know how to help her because I try to give her advice but she doesn't listen to me and thinks I'm bossing her around. Does anyone know how to get through to someone who is very stubborn and unwilling to receive advice?

I would be grateful for any advice people could give me.

[indigo22]

Hi Jane,

Thank you for the update, and I am so glad you are getting some support for yourself.

The Rising and I are both empaths, as are many others on the forums. This is not something that is diagnosed, it is an innate ability to feel the energy of others emotions. It is like a sixth sense.

Given that you resonate with the signs, I have to wonder if your sister is also an empath. Ask her if she also resonates with the signs and if so, this could be part of the reason for her depression. Also look up Elaine Aron and HSP (highly sensitive person) as this is also a possibility.

I was a sensitive person from day one and I grew up in a dysfunctional family. There were lots of arguments and lots of resentments, I picked up all of that negativity and it is a large part of the reason I went into depression.

I have an older sister, but she resented me from the day I was born and is a narcissist with a vengeful streak so I no longer have anything to do with her, the energy that she projects is just too toxic for me to be around. I was not able to handle responsibility either when I was young, for me that came with age.

One thing you could try is to put on some upbeat music that you both like and do some chores together, sing along and dance to it while you are working which will make it more fun. This can change a person's view of responsibility when it can also be fun.

If you are not aware of your empathic nature, you will not be able to discern what emotions belong to you and what emotions belong to others. You just take all of it on as if it all belongs to you. This is likely the reason you feel anxious and I am guessing that your sister may have picked up on a lot of negativity at her school perhaps, given that you said she doesn't like her school. It is really difficult being sensitive when you are young, but it is not all bad because it also means that you can pick up on positive energy.

There are things you can do to protect yourself once you know you are sensitive and there are ways of knowing what is your energy. For example, you are feeling good, having a good day, then you walk into a party or a shopping centre and you find you are no longer feeling good, then you are picking up someone else's negative emotions. So check in with yourself when you feel a shift in your mood, could this be coming from someone else? or is it mine?

As far as protection, this is best done with meditation and visualisation. It does not need to take a long time, just a few minutes to calm yourself, relax, imagine a safe space within you that you can retreat to at any time you are feeling overwhelmed (some examples might be a forest, a beach, a room with your favourite things, an animal sanctuary, something that resonates with you as a safe place). Imagine this safe place surrounded with healing light, whatever colour first pops into your mind will be perfect for you. Imagine that nothing but love can permeate this healing light and all negativity is repelled. If you can do this daily for a couple of weeks, you should notice a difference in how you feel. Then use this before going into any space where there are lots of people to protect yourself. If this works for you, try leading your sister through the same meditation, or do it together, and see if this helps her also.

You can always revisit the other ideas at a later time if they seem appropriate.

Ask any questions you have Jane, I will always do my best to answer them for you.

Hope today is a good day,

indigo 

[indigo22]

Jane, just so you know a bit more about who you are conversing with, the link below will give you a summary of my background. Happy to answer any questions you may have 💜

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/welcome-and-orientation/new-to-the-forums/td-p/566648 

[therising]

Hi jane

As indigo mentions, there's no formal diagnosis in regard to being what's known as an empath. It's more a soulful or spiritual term that can help define a certain nature. What makes someone like this so highly intuitive is the ability to tap into feelings so easily. While it can be a great ability to have, it can become a challenge for a whole number of reasons. For example, imagine being a part of a large family gathering that's emotionally charged. There are angry people there, people struggling with social anxiety, someone who's struggling with depression, those who are harsh in their judgement of others, some who are completely emotionally detached etc and you can feel it all. Of course, there may also be some high vibers there too. For someone who can feel how everyone else is feeling, it can be an overwhelming experience, unless they keep their focus on just 1 or 2 people in particular. If it's of any help, I found an interesting book to be 'Sensitive Is The New Strong', by Anita Moorjani. She takes the ability to feel and puts a positive spin on it while speaking of the challenges and ways to manage.

I think finding out if someone has some form of guidance can be a bit easier if I'm expressing to someone my own natural need for guidance at certain times in my life where I can't do without it. To express looking for guidance to be a completely natural thing, it can be sold as 'I find not looking for guidance to be a waste of time'. At 53, I've learned at this stage of my life that if I want to be fast tracked toward the change I may so desperately need or want, the best way to do it is by finding someone who'll put me on the fast track to greater understanding (which includes self understanding). Working things out on my own definitely feels like a super slow track at times.

If you want to further explore the concept of being an empath, another way to approach your sister could be 'I heard about this empath thing. It's kinda like a super power. Do you want to know if you have it?'. Exploring together what it means to feel in certain ways, may help shift things for your sister. If indigo's right and your sister may this ability, some exploration could come to alter how she perceives herself. To offer an example, if someone's sadly asking themself 'What's wrong with me? Why don't my friends like me?', that can change to 'I can feel their disapproval and it feels horrible. I can feel their arrogance, their self righteousness and their cruelty. Oh my goodness, I can actually feel how depressing these people are. What the heck is wrong with them?!'. On the flip side, we can always feel the tribe we vibe best with.