Hating feeling like this, !

pillow · ‎14-07-2016

Thanks for reading,,I'm not quite sure where to start or what to write. I don't know much recently, how I'm feeling , what I want, the only thing I think I know, is that I just want to go some place on my own. But I don't know what id do when I get there though. I have no interest in people I avoid them, I don't like meeting new people I don't know why I just instantly don't like them, takes time for me to like them, my husband says I'm stuck up, maybe he's right, although I'm very shy and awkward with people i don't know well, maybe this just comes across the wrong way. Ive recently just had this uneasy feeling, i know i don't feel happy,, but i don't know what is wrong with me, I feel down, but I don't know why, I have to put on a face to people so I dont seem like a total bitch. I just feel like I have no time for peoples dramas I just don't care about much anymore. I don't think Ive cried so much before, I cant seem to control it, I feel bad for my husband I know he's trying with me but I just don't feel anything at the moment. I know I'm disappointing him, Im scared he will have enough of my moodiness and disinterest and give up on me. I feel like a burden. I think to myself just snap out of it and stop been a miserable bitch but its so hard. I think I need to talk to someone, but I don't know who, id be too embarrassed going to a doctor or anyone, I don't want to take happy pills, I want to figure out how to make this right I just don't know how. Im not sure why I'm writing this, maybe just getting it out there will relieve some of this feeling.

Zeal · ‎14-07-2016

Hi pillow,

Welcome to the forum!

It sounds as though your mental health has been a challenge, and that not knowing what is wrong is confusing and frustrating. Talking to a doctor is important. However, try starting with giving beyond blue's helpline a call on 1300 22 4636. This is a great first step, and the person on the line is qualified and has infinite patience. I've called this helpline only once, and found it really valuable when I was down in the dumps and crying.

I hope you give beyond blue a call and find the conversation helpful 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

geoff · ‎15-07-2016

hi Pillow, I'm sorry for how you feel, but can I say that everything you have said are typical signs that you are suffering from some type of depression, and the journey you are struggling with will not get better unless you do talk with someone.
I know all of us feel embarrassed about going to see our doctor, but we have to try and take that step, it's a big step, but doctors see so many people these days suffering from some form of depression and all they want to do is to make you better.
You could refer antidepressants (AD) as 'happy pills', but I don't consider them to be that, so I take them because I only want to keep my mind balanced so that I can get on with my life to a controllable standard.
There are times when I fall back but because I have been feeling much better then that's what I aim for, and believe me that feeling is so strong, because once you feel better you don't want to lose that feeling ever again.
Please can I suggest that you can do what SM has given you, and please we would love to hear back from you. Geoff. x

White_Rose · ‎15-07-2016

Dear Pillow

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. You have taken a huge step in writing in here and I congratulate you. we are here to help and support you as much as possible. You can safely write about how you feel as no one knows who you are.

SM and Geoff have made good suggestions to you and I hope you can follow these up. What you are describing sounds very like depression and it's not a good place to be. We all know about the Black Dog. On BB you will find heaps of information about depression. Start on the home page and click on depression. You can also take the mini test for depression. It's not definitive, only an indicator. If you get a high score I suggest you make a long appointment with your GP and talk about this.

Have lots of information about depression is very useful and empowering. The more you understand the better able you are to manage this. You can ask BB to send you hard copies of the information or download it to your computer. You will also find information for families and friends. Include this in your request as your husband will find this useful.

I was in a similar situation to you and had no idea why I felt like that. The earlier you begin to get help the easier it is to get through this. Please continue to write in here as talking is very helpful. You will read stories of other people's experience and knowing you are not the only one in this situation is incredibly helpful.

Mary