Hard To Keep Friends

phoenixstone · ‎06-09-2015

Lost a friend today. Over Facebook of all places. I'm beginning to think Facebook and depression don't mix.

I suffer from depression. Sometimes I'm irrational. I'm paranoid. I'm fearful. I'm angry. I'm scared. I feel like the world is against me. I lash out against even the best of friends. I'm tired. I'm lonely. It's a cycle. A constant battle. I'm trying.

Sometimes I get it in my head that people are talking behind my back or I recognise some of their complaints in their statuses as how I act. So I think they are referring to me. So I'll confront them impulsively.

She said some pretty hurtful truths and criticisms. She recognised that I immediate jump to conclusions and have low self esteem and paranoia. I was accused of draining the joy from her life. That not everything was about me or that everyone is out to get me.

I can't help it though and her reaction only confirms to me that maybe I am a terrible friend and a terrible person.

phoenixstone · ‎07-09-2015

Yeah I've told myself that this is her issues not mine. She just isn't capable of handling depression.

phoenixstone · ‎07-09-2015

I'm currently trying to post a 30 Day of Positivity challenge where I have to write 1 positive post a day for thirty days in hopes that I'll just keep going and influence others to do the same. My partner has even joined in. I'm finding as I go on though that I'm finding it hard to come up with more and more. Think I might start repeating. And the few I have on FB hardly interact so I just feel ignored. I don't know anymore. I don't know my self worth.

Neil_1 · ‎09-09-2015

Hi there phoenixstone

Thanx for your latest responses and I really find a lot of positives that you’ve provided there.

The one where you wrote about that other person and those are her issues and not yours. Huge tick there for you – that’s absolutely right and let her go forth and carry on however she wishes too. If people fall off that quickly, then you perhaps need to look at ‘how much’ of a friend were they in the first place? And then you wrote that she isn’t capable of handling depression - ding ding ding, another huge tick for you there also. I find that sounds like you’ve really had some good thinking about this and yes, it is so true, that a lot of people out there simply cannot handle depression.

They don’t understand it and so they then will either run, or they’ll give some useless advice like, “pull your socks up” (particularly useless as the weather warms up and not so many of us wear socks) and then they’ll run.

But hells bells, I’ve had it for years and years and I still don’t understand the beast.

I LOVE your Positivity Challenge – a 30 day approach for positivity. That IS awesome. Yes yes, you CAN do it – 30 days. Look at it in the bigger picture context – say, this time next year. I mean, that’s 365 days away, but you just need to pick up and deliver messages of positivity for the coming month.

Now not sure whether you wish to or need to post them to Facebook, or whether you can just email them to each other – to your partner and back. But if you’re struggling, things like: spring is on the way and warmer weather is soon to happen, the spring racing carnival is just around the corner (that depends on whether you enjoy racing), the NRL and AFL Finals are commencing this weekend (that depends on whether you enjoy the footy), the fact that you have your wonderful partner, that your relationship is awesome, not sure if you have a job, but if you do, the fact that you’ve got a job, that you’re able to cook and perhaps cook up a favourite meal now and then. Other things could be: of favourite places you’ve been too, or things that you really enjoy doing, holidays, reading, movies, music/concerts you may have been too, or perhaps bands who you’d love to see. I could go on, but I’m probably boring you by now.

Love to hear back from you.

Neil

MrsMoody · ‎09-09-2015

Hey , Sorry your feeling this way but I can relate, Im in a lonely place as well, I found that facebook made it worse for me, and always and do feel as though poeple are talking about me , I'm an honest person about my feelings and I know I complain , but complaing is just our way of looking for sympthy. I'm going to have a week break from silly facebook & dont look at any screens an hour before bed. Sorry about the hurtful things that were being said. Hope it gets better.

phoenixstone · ‎10-09-2015

There's something you said that really hit me. Depression has you complain to get attention. And it's so true. I'd make posts about something dramatic in my life just to get the feedback. When I didn't get the feedback I would feel like nobody cared. I hate how Facebook feeds on my securities.

But then again, I used to be a social butterfly. In recent years, my job has changed. My family dynamic has changed. My friends have changed. I went from a huge social circle to down to a handful. I learnt who my true friends were and it was much less than I thought.

My depression is making it hard to focus on the positives here. I'm trying.

Neil_1 · ‎10-09-2015

Hi there

Just wanted to chip in once more – “silly facebook”, I think is a good call. Having a bit of a break from it, I don’t think is a bad thing either.

Being a non-FB user, I guess I am very biased on this subject and really there MUST be good things about it – I mean, I guess billions of people use it.

But for us who have our self-doubts, our anxiety’s, our stressors and stresses – being on such a device as FB has possibilities of really impacting our lives. We see or read something that can or could really affect us – whereas, say for so many others, they’ll think nothing of it and be able to move on. The thing with it, is that it might not necessarily have been a bad thing, but we’ve perceived it as such and it impacts badly on us. Those are possible subtle ones – but I guess those things can crop up anywhere as well.

The other one is for just plain nasty and vindictive kinds of people (and yes, they are out there and there are plenty of them) that there is something in their make-up, in their DNA that allows them to get some kind of weird and sick pleasure out of picking on others. And what better way to do it for a bully than to be able to hide behind a computer screen and do it that way.

I’m sorry, I’m not meaning to be on a soapbox here about the evils of FB and the perils of potentially being on it – I guess I’m just saying to who-ever is reading, that dear people, please be wary and aware of situations (and that can be where-ever also), that if you feel anxious or nervous about certain things, try to remove yourself from it.

I guess it’s like just having our antenna’s up, so we don’t get ambushed.

Again, I think I went a little over the top here.

Neil

Blue_Kay · ‎21-09-2015

I do feel that no matter where we socialize, either in reality or social media, we can't win!! No matter what I do or say, people will tend to isolate me because they think I am weird. There were many times that I wanted to behave normally, I mean to be open minded and happy but they still played the game of isolation and even tried group attacking to prove that they were better. This is reality, I guess. Depression is not acceptable, loneliness, anger and sadness are the only feelings that I possess. Living in a black hole means endless pain and isolation. What should I do?