Good evening

[Florrie_Jo]

Hi, 

I am new to the forums however not new to depression and anxiety. I have suffered for about 16 years but probably been at my worst this past year. 

I do what I can to keep on track and am aware of the signs when I'm heading for the lows. Exercise, meditation, reasonable eating, medication ...unfortunately due to a chronic illness, some of that medication makes it difficult to stay on track. I've have fallen in a heap but don't feel like explaining to anyone..mostly due to the fear of being perceived as weak. Even as I typed that I know it's unreasonable and unfair to make that judgment of others.  My family are loving but have enough on their plates without worrying about me. My husband, well he goes fishing to avoid dealing with crying. My two girls keep me going. I know it will pass and it's one foot in front of the other. I'm hoping the forums will make the teeth grinding a bit more bearable during my low.

[HA1]

Hi Florries Jo!

Welcome to BB!  And thank you for reaching out.  I, and others here, know what you are going through. I am glad to get the sense that you are working hard to grind your way through the ups and downs.  In my view this is the hardest part of depression - dealing with the roller coaster feelings. 

Why has this last year been so difficult for you - has something changed in your circumstances or do you feel that things are getting more difficult to deal with?

I would love to hear more from you.

Take care

K

[Cherpieus]

Hi Florrie Jo,

Your story sounded similar to mine. Having to deal with Depression on your own and not wanting to explain it to anyone for the fear of sounding weak.  My husband thinks I am weak - especially because I cry I lot. In fact I feel weak as well - everyone else seems to cope with life just fine.

I've found being able to write in these forums helpful as it's somewhere I can be real and not have to pretend I'm ok. I hope you find the same thing.

[White_Rose]

Hello Cherpieus and Florrie Jo

Great to hear from you. The hardest part of depression is the roller coaster ride and never being sure when the highs and lows will happen. Crying seems more likely for women though it is becoming accepted that men can cry also. And crying does release a lot of tension so it's not all bad. Being seen as weak is really unfair. No one questions a person being emotional when they are in pain, and neither are they told to get on with life. Depression, in my opinion, is also extremely painful but in way that is not as visible or as easily soothed. No one is weak who manages the pain of depression in whatever way gets them through it.

Florrie please understand that you are as worthwhile as anyone else. Your difficulties do not have to line up against others to see which is the most deserving. You are unwell and deserve help, not to be told that others are worse off so put up with it. How much do you and your husband understand about depression? Please explore this site read everything about depression. Look under the blue tabs at the top of the page. Send for any of the information you want, it's free. Get your husband to read it so he can start to understand what you are going through. He needs to support you as much as possible, not dismiss you as being weak.

Have you spoken to your GP lately? It may be you need a different AD. Sometimes the efficiency of an AD wanes and you need a change. Your body has become used to the medication. It's also unfortunate that other medications interact adversely with ADs and doctors need to take this into consideration. May I suggest a visit to your GP for a general check up? Have you explored counselling at all? This is often a great help because it looks at the ways you react and interact with different situations and can help you make beneficial changes.

Love to hear from you again.

Mary