Good days and bad days..

Waiting_Wondering · ‎10-05-2013

Hello,

This is the first time I've confronted my thoughts publicly. I don't know where to start or if anyone will read this but I felt like I needed to just get it off my chest and maybe see if I'm not the only one out there like this. And maybe get some advice..

I've recently started university. I'm finding it overwhelming and stressful. I have just lost all motivation for uni and life in general. Every morning I dread getting out of bed because it means I have to deal with things. I'm not suicidal but I'm feeling really horrible. My mum has noticed me getting down and has told me to 'snap out of it'. She means well, but it's not that easy for me.

I've noticed that I've lost all self confidence and feel completely worthless. I've also found that when I'm alone at home or in any situation, I feel a little anxious. Like I'm invisible and no one cares. One time I even broke down with the thought.

For the past year, I've been grieving the deaths of my grandparents. It's odd because they all passed away many years ago, but it's been the past year or so that I've longed for a relationship with them. I've even started to feel guilty that I never built a relationship with them.

I'm just scared that these feelings won't go away and I'm scared that I'll never find the courage to talk to someone.

allalone23 · ‎11-05-2013

hi, your not alone in this, I know it feels like that, im not the best person to give much advice, but certainly know that I can understand how you are feeling..youve taken the first step by coming on here and talking with us, ive read a few posts and most that I have read the replies have been wonderful and very encouraging, when I am feeling upset ive been coming on here and getting some strength by reading and also by posting to get things off my chest..having that strength to actually talk to someone will get easier.

fightingthebattle · ‎11-05-2013

I know exactly what your gone through and went the the same thing 2 years ago. I decided to leave home and start uni but i got so depressed, experiencing the same as yourself, i then dropped out.It go so bad, i only made it to 3 classes out of the first 4 weeks i was enrolled. I was also living away from home and was too depressed to get out of bed my mum had to come help me pack my stuff and take me back home.

Also went through the same thing in highschool, my doctor perscribed me meds in order to graduate and they would be the reason i did. So after the uni episode i went back on my medication and things were great again but i had been to scared to return to university until now.

1 week ago today i stopped taking these meds, and ended up in hospital with an anxiety attack so i'm going to see a physcologist and i will most likely have to go back on meds.

My advice to you through is to stick with uni and SEEK AS MUCH PROFESSIONAL HELP as you can get it. That is where i went wrong, i never solved any of my underlying issues, i just kept taking meds on and off, and drinking as a form of suppressant at times. So now i am seeking proffessional help from physcologists because i know its my only option and i wish i hadn't left it so long. I have now been battling depression for over 5 years but i do know things will get better. I was also to scared to seek help, but now i know its what i have to do to get better, and medication isn't the only answer.

You don't always feel this way, I also have glorious days when i jump out of bed excited and happy. Those feelings will go away. Being at Uni you have the best options for free physcologists and medical help so do make the most of it! Knowing your not alone and talking to people that understand has helped me in many situations. But you'd be suprised how many people around you have suffered depression, though many that haven't wont understand which is sad and hard.

My mother also STILL does say the same thing, its only cause she doesnt understand, but today i had a rather serious concversation with her and told her to go on this website. I am now making her understand, its hard but i need her support and she is trying her best, and trying my best to be patient with her too.

Depression is serious, it not something you can just "snap out of". If we could we would. I explained to my mum today that more than anything I want to snap out of it, but mentally i can't explain why its just impossible for me. I can't get out of bed in the morning, I'm to anxious to sleep at night, I can no longer go out with friends, which i love more than anything and it hurts me that i can't because i feel so sick!

I am writer and usually nothing makes me happier and i could write for hours, but i am now currently struggling to write this reply to you but i want you to know your not alone, your not the only one going through it.

Also when you get you think of all the worst things possible. my grandparents are still alive but i often get so anxious about then dying i get in a very bad state, so i could only imagine how much pain you feel right now. But i also know when your stable it won't be constantly on your mind and once your back on track uni won't be as stressful and you will enjoy it, even love it. So please get help, becasue when your better and stable life is amazing!