Forced holiday from work

[RiverBend]

I work as a kindy educator and have been under a lot of stress this year. I have a really challenging class who have lots of undiagnosed developmental concerns. The parents on the whole are needy, demanding and do my head in every day. I have told my managers so many times that the children and the parents are getting to me and they just say I should ignore it, not stress so much, not let it get to me etc. All the patronising cliches but no acknowledgement of what it's doing to me or offers to help in any real way. A week ago a group of parents began to criticise me publicly and described me as rude and unapproachable (this feels like the fallout of "ignoring them" as I was encouraged to do). My managers brought it up with me... they believe they were doing their job but it just felt like I'm being targeted by these parents and i don't know why they hate me so much.

This week I've tried to move on and forget about it, but it started within 30 minutes on Monday. Parents complaining, children having meltdowns, staff numbers being low and just feeling like I'm on a knifes edge. A colleague complained to my managers that I'm so stressed and negative that it's uncomfortable for others. Called in to the office again. They suggested I take a week off to "have some me time" and "put myself first". I was so upset I couldn't even respond to half of what they were saying. I felt like I was in trouble for not coping. All I want (as childishas it seems) is for someone to just have my back and feel like they're seeing how sad I am. Instead it was like being scolded for not being happy enough.

I've now had to explain to my partner that I'm off work and feel pathetic and useless. I love my job and care so much for these kids... but there is only so much I think I can take of being kicked when I'm down. I can't stop crying, I can't eat and I'm so exhausted I can hardly get up out of bed.

I now have ten days without work where I'm supposed to do things that make me happy so I can come back and just... be great I guess. I don't even know where to start when I can't stomach the thought of ever going back. I feel such shame, guilt and despair that i can't even cope being a freaking kindy teacher. It shouldn't be this hard. I know I shouldn't be this stressed. But with another class like this one already lined up for next year, I can't see the light.

How can i get past this?

[Sad_Puppy_Dog]

Hi River,

I don't know what to offer, but please understand that I feel for you and your situation. It must be difficult that you really do care for these kids and yet they are a challenge. Add in the parents with their two cents and their demands and lack of understanding AND your managers and I can see how overwhelming it must be.

I'm sure your "students" value you and perhaps in your absence, they will feel it and communicate that, that they miss you to each of their parents. I don't know what protocols allow for this, so I'm just dreaming things up off the bat but, is there any way you can communicate to the parents on how much care you have for their children, while acknowledging the challenges and asking for some understanding/empathy? Can you write a letter to the parents to address your feelings and ask for support and understanding? Organise an event with both kids and parents so they can see how you interact with them? This all could be totally naive but the fact is you are a key factor in even somewhat "co-raising" these children over the course of a year and parents should realise that.

I teach a martial art and have seen many parents use my club as a baby sitting service. I have seen some neglect and poor behavior. I don't often see or experience it but it exists and as someone who really wants kids of his own, that can be hard to go through.

Having the responsibility of one child in your hands is a lot to grasp. Having a class is a whole other story and I can feel some frustration towards the parents, who they themselves may or may not be having their own parenting frustrations they are unfortunately unloading on you.

This might be a ramble but I just hope that the parents can see the effort and interest you're putting in and ease off on you. If I were a parent, I'd feel a lot of gratitude to anyone that helps provide a service to my child's upbringing.

[white knight]

Hi River Bend, welcome

My daughter teacher year 8-12 so I have an idea what you're experiencing. She has anxiety, depression and dysthymia.

When you are put iff work by your boss or Drs, you are suppise to "smell the roses". Thats exactly what you should be doing because to unwind is how you get back on track.

In the short term you'll need to gather yourself together and be more composed, take the time like say 2 minutes each and focus on every word they are saying- dont be distracted..

You arent superwoman. You seem to be placing more pressure on yourself than what bosses are and your colleagues deserve a calm workplace and bosses have a duty of care for all workers.

That's the short term. In the long term, just like my daughter you might be wise to branch out into another field assiciated with children but in a less stressful environment.

Lots of thinking to do. At this time return to work and relax. Better a relaxed worker not keeping up than a stressed worker not there due to overload. Dont you think?

Tony WK