Fog Isn't Lifting

[GeorgieBelle]

Hey guys,

 I am 28 years old and feel like I am stuck in a rut, and it is really worrying me.

I have depression and anxiety, and it has been getting worse over the last few weeks, and I feel like I have hit my limit.

I feel very forgotten about among my friends. I reached out to a friend (which I am not good at) and told her that I needed some help, and yet I haven't heard back from her in over  a week.

I keep putting on weight because when I am depressed I eat crappy food, almost as a punishment to myself. I don't even like it, I just feel like that's all I deserve (does anyone else struggle with this...Would LOVE some help with managing this).

I am quite in debt and whilst overtime is available in my job (which would get rid of my debt very quickly) I don't like my job as I feel very invisible and unappreciated. I get anxious just thinking about going to work. So instead of working overtime and getting money, I often don't work because I am too anxious to get there.

The other day my car was broken into, by having the window smashed, and I feel like that has tipped me over the edge.

I know constantly feel anxious, my arms and legs feel really heavy/weighted down and my mind is so incredibly foggy. I have never experienced it to this degree before. I have trouble driving, holding conversations and working, all because my mind feels so clouded over.

I have a really supportive family, but I still feel like I am just suffocating and everything is becoming blurry.

Any and all advice is welcome ... I really cannot bear to feel like this anymore. I am living my life through a constant haze.

[Paul]

Hey GeorgieBelle - Hugs

Sounds like a really crappy time at the moment, first not hearing from friends and work being a burden then your car, yeah that would be enough to send me looking for help. Glad you're here though, there are plenty of folks who understand and care.

Are you seeing a Dr or psych and has your depression and anxiety been diagnosed? It always helps to have that so a plan can be put into place. I get the feeling it has for you but I wanted to make sure.

What are your thoughts on visiting your Dr or psych or counsellor to help you through this crappy time? Family are awesome but sometimes they are at a loss as to what to do except just be there and love you. 

Beyond Blue have a hotline (numbers at the top and bottom of the page) that anyone can call. The people on the phones are trained and are there to help as well.

You mentioned that you'd love some help managing your diet and what happens when you're feeling clouded over. I wonder if a visit to your Dr and getting some help to lift the fog a bit might also help with your diet as well. There's the option of chatting to a counsellor specifically about diets and moods.

Let us know what your thoughts are on talking to a professional.

Take care GeorgieBelle

Paul

[GeorgieBelle]

Hi Paul,

Thank you for replying, I really really appreciate it.

I have been diagnosed. Depression was diagnosed about 8 years ago and anxiety only 4 years ago.

I did see one lady in regards to my anxiety, however I really didn't like her (she went on a spiel about not believing that depression was a real condition) and it has put me off going to see anyone else.  Traveling has really helped with my anxiety.

The eating is my biggest concern. It's a vicious circle and eating bad food because I feel like I need to be punished for feeling sad, and then just feeling more sad because I have eaten bad food. That type of destructive eating has only started in the last 18 months.

I honestly hadn't thought about seeing a doctor about that, so I will take that advice. I just worry that I will get lectured because I am no longer on antidepressants. I normally feel okay without them, but every few months I hit a big low, and if I could manage this eating issue, then I feel like I could pull myself out of it.

 Thank you again for talking to me. Means a great deal x

[Paul]

Hey GeorgieBelle,

The lady you saw quite obviously believes unicorn pee fixes high cholesterol as well. Perhaps she doesn't own a copy of the DSM the book that the world standard in psychiatric care and diagnosis is based on.

Depression is a strange bloody thing - as you probably know. It has us feeling empty and scared and dark and down and all of the emotions that steal our energy. One of the things I've noticed is it can have me feeling guilty about something for no reason, my thinking goes all warpy and I'll feel guilty, then I'll feel guilty for feeling guilty! It's like I'm bashing myself up for bashing myself up who will come up to me and say "It's OK to stop!"?

I guess it's similar for you with eating bad food (I do that one as well) to bash yourself up for feeling bad and eating bad food to bash yoursel... 

I wonder if it's punishment or if it's escape.

For both cases the words "shouldn't, couldn't, should've and could've" must be banned from our inner dialogue. The only way to start to relieve the bashing circle is to be nice to ourselves. That's what I found with me. Instead of feeling guilty about feeling guilty, I simply acknowledged "Hey, that was guilt I just felt" and let it sit there for a bit then it floated away. I tried really hard not to judge myself for feeling guilty after that. I just acknowledged it, let it sit, let it float and continued on. It took practice though, but when I became the observer instead of throwing punches at myself it helped me a lot.

Is that something you can identify with?

Paul xx