First Steps

[NewHope]

Hello,

I am going to be honest, it's taking every ounce of courage I can muster to write this.. and even more probably to hit the post button.

I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety in my early teens and over the course of the years I've tried to manage it with a combination of talking therapy with various psychologists and more recently with anti-depression medication. A few years ago I was also diagnosed with the early stages of Multiple Sclerosis. Fortunately it has not impacted on my life too much and the prognosis of it ever doing so is relatively low, especially with the recent developments in treatments. To put my situation into greater context, I am hitting my mid 30's, whilst I ma married I have not achieved certain milestones expected by this age. I am struggling with my identity - who I am versus the mask I wear to hide the depression.

However, the reason I am reaching out is because I am finding my old methods of coping when I feel that "black dog" of depression beginning to get the better of me are no longer working.

I know logically I am not alone, that I am allowed to feel this way and allowed to ask for help... but we all know how it can convince you otherwise. I am trying to fight back, trying to believe I am not alone. I am posting this partly to prove to myself it doesn't control or define me and partly because I hope there are other people out there who can offer some advice.

• I need new coping methods to fend off the dark days. Does anyone have any strategies they use that work well? I used to write or play video games but I feel so tired, blocked and disinterested that these doesn't seem to help me anymore.

And

• Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can help my husband, who is amazingly supportive, but need advice on how he's meant to 'help me, help myself'. I feel terrible because he feels so lost when I begin to shut down. I have no suggestions on what he can do because if I knew what to do, I'd be doing it myself (I do hope that makes sense). We share our thoughts and feelings a lot but he'd like to know if there is anything else he could do to help me more forward and past the down days/cycles.

Thank you to anyone who has spent the time reading this.

I appreciate it more then you know.

[IsaJett]

Hi New Hope

First of all welcome and there is HOPE...lots of it..for starters a wonderful husband that is there to support you ...thats very awesome.

I first hit rock bottom because of my marriage failing and an affair following ..so for me I have found that "hot Yoga helped me .

Im not sure what it was about it...but the fact that you just lay there and let it all go to the ground is most invigorating ...that in a way saved me. I was at that point suicidal and confided in no one. So I definitely give that a good crack. I am still doing Hot yoga to this day.

I am also tapping into myself...after the split of my marriage...I kinda lost myself . I don't think now I want to find my old self or what I was. Now I am reinventing myself. Trying to be a best version of me that I never was. Investing in myself , taking care of myself , believing in myself. At the end of day I realise I really only have myself.

I remember I was actually my own worst enemy ...always knocking myself down with the negative thoughts. Now I choose to be my own best friend . I have learned to show myself compassion and love myself. I was lacking self belief for much of which caused me a lot of grief and pain.

But thats me and I hope in sharing it helps you see your problems in a different light .But try hot yoga definitely 🙂

Keep smiling

[Croix]

Dear NewHope~

Welcome here, no, you are not alone by any means. Do you mind if I just say a couple of things about your second question, concerning your husband?

When we care about someone we try our hardest to make them better, or if that is impossible make them as good as we can. This places a lot of pressure on the carer. Just trying as hard as one can with negative results can be a very corrosive experience, with self blame and doubt creeping in as things keep going on and on.

So the carer needs support to if at all possible. My wife, when she had to look after me, had her mum, and this made a big difference to her, not only with everyday tasks, but just to talk to. Does your husband have anyone like that?

Another important thing is that the carer does not feel things are their fault, they are powerless and that your condition is not something you have because they have not cared hard enough. Also it is OK to make mistakes and to not know what to do. There is no road-map. Sometimes my wife could successful intervene, ask questions, offer a cuppa, etc. Other times she's be rebuffed.

All this I'm sure you already know, your husband is doing the most important things, being there, being constant and loving you. If he feels lost then he needs time-out, doing things he enjoys just to reward himself and regain perspective.

I know I've not addressed all you put in your post in mine, I do hope you keep on talking here

Croix