Finally Reaching out to people that know what its like!

[Makinmesick500]

Well I finally decided to reach out and try talking to people that know what it is like to live with Depression. I have been suffering On and Off from depression for about 5 years now and honestly this time is the worst I have had it. I am at that stage when I wake up upset or feeling over it and then go to bed at night time with the same feeling. I feel like crying but I just cant?!! I have to drag myself out of bed in the morning then 2 hours later I feel soooo tired that I just want to go back to bed but as I work full time I cant always do this. I also feel sick to the stomach all of the time and just feel so off! I have been on medication for pretty much the whole time since I got diagnosed and since things are worse now they have decided to bump it up for a month to see how it goes. I don't feel happy doing anything. I use to be such a happy person that use to laugh and joke and smile all the time and now I feel like I am someone that nobody wants to be around because I am no longer the person I use to be. I don't like anything anymore. I feel like I just want to hide in my bedroom all of the time and not bother with going outside!

I am sorry that all I have written is about how I feel but I really needed to get things off my chest. I find that I can talk to people (non sufferers) but don't get the feeling that they actually know what Is going on. I am interested to hear other peoples opinions and sorry if this thread isn't what this forum is about. I am new at this..

[Neil_1]

Dear MMS500 (hope you don't mind me shortening your name - it's a bit more - um, nicer than to say that this mongrel disease is makinyousick, which we all know is true and it sux, but.... )  yeah, so about the long intro back to you.

Now, where was I - oh yeah, MMS500, welcome to Beyond Blue and you know, your post rang a massive bell in my head - "ouch, time for a panadol"!   Ok, jokes aside - I'm really glad you came here and posted - and do want to tell you that you ARE NOT alone with these feelings.  And yep, non-sufferers just don't get it - it's difficult to understand - even if we're battling it ourselves.

It's awesome that you've come here to reach out - and another good thing you can do, apart from posting back replies on this thread is to check out other posts/threads as well - it does help - and by all means, have a lash at responding to someone else.  It feels good to be able to reach out.

I would like to ask though about whoever is prescribing you your meds - that they've decided to up your dosage.  I would have thought that if you've been on them for so long now and it seems like you're still very much battling big time;   that they may have in fact, opted to slowly take you off these ones and then to introduce a different kind - as there's so many varieties out there - but maybe there's a reason for what they've decided.

I so understand your symptom of getting to work and then wishing you could be sliding back into bed - that's a bad one that plagues me big time.

It is VERY good though, that you are able to get to work - the routine, the distraction is a good thing.

May I also ask, what other support networks/mechanisms you have in place?  ie:  family/partner/spouse/children?   Any close friends - any reasonably regular doc appointments, etc?    Just good things to find out so we can be better placed to try and offer further support and advice.

Thanx again for your post and hope to hear back from you soon.

Neil

[Makinmesick500]

Thanks for your reply Neil. Firstly it is fine to shorten the name. I was just trying to find a name that would relate to how I am feeling. It seems to fit right about now. It is really refreshing to read other peoples stories and to know that I am not the only one suffering. The doctor bumped up my medication because I have been feeling sick almost constantly for the past 4 months and blood tests confirmed that I am healthy in every other way. It is only a trial for 1 month to see how it goes. If I am still crook almost every day of the week after that time then I guess they will have to do some serious testing to find out why. I don’t exactly have a stressful life so I don’t know why I suffer so much especially right now.

As for support, my partner is good at trying to help me when I am suffering but it just isn’t quite enough hence the reason I joined this site and the forum. I know I have only been on here for a day or two but it is helping slightly.. Sorry for the short reply. Computer has been playing up so I have typed a reply twice already and lost it so I will stick to copying and pasting from word so I don’t loose it all again haha..

Thanks again for your reply..

[Neil_1]

Hi there MMS500

Great to hear back from you – and yes, sometimes the system doesn’t “take” our initial posts and somehow chews them up;  so they need to be written out again.  If you’re going to be here for a while, and I hope that you are – if that ever happens again, can you hit the “Report Post” button and that will generate a message straight through to Beyond Blue.  They are trying to find out exactly why this is happening and so if we can work with them on this, it might help to track down the issue.   But it’s great you’ve developed the ‘generate a post in word’ option and copy and paste.  I do that as well.

That’s pleasing to hear that you’ve got the Doc on board and they’ll be monitoring the situation over the next little while – I sure hope that things clear up for you in that regard.   One thing I would like to make mention though is:  MMS500, you don’t need to have a stressful life to be a victim to this awful illness.  It can affect pretty much anyone – no matter what their situation or background.

That is good to read also that your partner is supportive – that does help a lot – because for a lot of instances, people who are on this site don’t have any close support mechanisms.

This site IS brilliant.  That’s why I’m here so often – and even though we suffer, I find it kind of therapeutic in being able to reach out to others to offer support, advice and if possible encouragement as well.  And I’m definitely not the only one – we’re developing such a strong form of community here with SO MANY others replying to people;  and this is brilliant because having so many people responding, you are getting different view-points, different experiences and even more knowledge to be passed on.

I guess I haven’t really asked any questions in this response, but again, it’d be great to hear back from you – especially if you do have any questions.

Neil

[Makinmesick500]

Thanks again Neil.. I am also trying counselling next week so hopefully that helps aswell, although I have no idea what counselling is going to be like so a little nervous but I will get through it... Might have to write things down before I go so my brain doesn’t freeze on me! Haha. The past two days I haven’t been feeling as bad but still extremely tired so hopefully things are starting to get sorted in this body of mine… A lot of new things are happening in the next say 6 months that I feel may be a little stressful but I really think it will help and in the long run should see me a lot happier hopefully.. Sorry for talking a lot about myself haha.. It really hasn’t been a good year for me so hopefully I have had my bad one for a while..

Regards MMS500

[StormChaser]

Keep your head up and well done for sharing your feelings and what your going through its a great step to recovery ,

your not alone in your fight and i can relate to your suffering i have had depression most of my life and it has controlled me all along untill everything finally came crashing down around me , now its take to take back the control and understand what it is im going through.  i have only started getting help form family and a doctor and seeing a psychologist in the last 9 months, Trying to work a full time job and hold onto relationships since i left school for years while not understanding while i constantly felt so down and tired and withdrawn was a tuff battle ,

there were times were i wanted to give up but i have battled on like so many others i just wish i had opened up much earlier and read more post like yours to know that im not alone and without the stigma society attaches to mental illness .

and as far as medication works it would be interesting to know what has worked for others as this im particularly struggling with finding a medication that doesn't make me so sick .

im trying hard to get myself on a good diet with exercise regularly and im thinking about meditation its hard when i have no energy and insomnia but i will slowly get there , Best of luck with your struggle and dont give up

[geoff]

dear MMS500, it's a great step to find out how other people try and find a way to  handle their depression, as everybody's situation seems to be different but basically we all have a common ground irrespective of what has caused our depression.

I agree with Neil, in that it seems to be strange increasing the medication if it is making you feel sick, as I would worry that it's going to make you feel worse, but then I'm no doctor, just someone who has experienced the same ordeal, where I was taken off that medication and began to take another one.

It doesn't matter whether you don't have a stressful, it's still a huge mountain to climb, and all our joy has disappeared, although we can pretend to be happy, but eventually all of this becomes too tiring, and what depression does to us is to make us feel so tired that all we want is to go back to bed and hide under the doona, that's one comfort we appreciate and we could do this all day if we could.

When you visit the counsellor you have to be able to click with them, because if you don't then this will only hold you back on talking about those important issues, the reverse side is that if it all goes well then the benefits will be great, because you can then trust them.

What I am worried about is the coming next 6 months, although you say it maybe helpful in the long run, but this is something to talk to your counsellor about once you get settled.

I am so pleased that you have come onto the site, and just for curiosity sake I wonder if you have been reading other posts for awhile before you decided to post.

Take care and hear from you soon. Geoff.

[Makinmesick500]

Thanks peeps for your replies. Firstly I honestly only joined the site at the start of this week so in that time I have only read a few other posts due to not having much time. But since joining here I am feeling better that it isn’t just me that is suffering like this. And Geoff I am sorry if it sounded like I was saying that the tablets make me feel sick but I was trying to say the the stress, anxiety and depression is what is making me sick not the tablets themselves. Stormchaser I am sorry but we are not aloud to state what medication we are on (I don’t think) so sorry I cant tell you but when I was first diagnosed they put me on one sort and they really messed with me. I found myself wanting to punch things and fight with people over stupid little things and then next minute I would be sitting up the back of the place crying and hiding from everyone. Then they put me on what I am on now and it is doing good but when I use to go to fill my scripts instead of getting the generic brand they where giving me the chemist brand which although they are meant to be the same, they are not.. there is a very minute difference and that made me very sick so I went to the doctor and told them that the chemist brand that they where giving me was making me sick but generic didn’t so he gave me scripts and just told me to make sure that I tell them that it has to be the generic brand.. I hope you understand all that haha.. Yes I deffinately agree with trying to pretend to be happy is really tiering! I find myself not even try to act happy when I am not. My boss is good because he can sense my mood but the other fella I work with cant so everyone is different I guess.

While reading both of your replies I find my self nodding and agreeing to what you both are going through or have been through.. It is a very unfair illness like all of the other illnesses but I guess we will all find the light and rainbow at the end of the road eventually =). We all just have to hang in their!!