Feeling worthless n alone

[Murkywater]

hey.
ive been having a pretty rough time. I don’t really know what’s going on. My mind is always thinking about stuff. I’ve had a history of bad relationships. I feel like I am a good person. I am always doing what I can for everyone. But now I feel like no one has ever really had my back. People have always taken me for granted. I feel like my generation sucks to be a nice guy. I just feel worthless a lot even though I try my best. I feel down. I can’t sleep. I’m often crying.

I kind of miss my ex girlfriend. Even though she treated me wrong and was toxic and manipulative . It felt like someone cared a bit. my cat passed away last year. I miss her a lot.

i just feel like I have no one. Voices in my head just keep asking me if anyone cares or if anyone notices kind of thing. I just wish someone out there could understand. I feel like I’m going crazy. This has been going on for a while. I’ve gotten help from a doctor recently. But tonight just feels really bad.

I just don’t know what to do 😞

[Rumples]

Hi there Murkywater and thank you for reaching out 🙂

So sorry to hear your having a bad time with your life. Tonight, you're not alone, you're with us and we're here to listen and help where we can 🙂 The fact that you've shown the courage to reach it is a really positive thing!

Let me start of saying I'm sorry to hear about the passing of your cat. I've lost animals myself and know how it feels. I always found a new furry friend helped brighten up some of those gloomy days? Have you thought of getting a new cat?

Girlfriends, they can be a handful at the best of time 🙂 You mentioned it was a toxic relationship. Maybe it's better it's over. At least now you can meet the right girl! It's hard to meet the right person when you're with the wrong one. I speak from experience.

Not sleeping, stressing, crying and feeling like you're going crazy are all very natural when you're feeling down and depressed with life. We've all been there, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, rest assured.

Perhaps if we have a nice chat tonight you might just feel better.

Looking forward to hearing back from you.

Rumples 🙂

[Nimi]

Hi Murkywater!

I am so sorry to hear this. That must be so hard. 😞 I am glad that you found Beyond Blue, I have only been here a short time myself and I have already found that it has helped me a lot. I hope that in some small way I can help you too!

You say that you are feeling particularly bad tonight. I think you have been hugely courageous to find these forums and request help. This shows that you are able to accept your current vulnerability - this is a really big thing. I think one of the scariest challenges in life is realising that we are our own worst enemies in some ways, so acknowledging when we need outside help can be daunting. I know that things might seem inescapably bad right now, or that you have no one there for you, but please remember that this is one passing moment in life. It does not define your future.

I hope that I am on the right track with this response, and that if you feel comfortable you will comment again here on the forums. Please be kind to yourself and remember that you deserve love and respect, as we all do. You are not the exception - you must remember that you are important too! It may be hard to go on, but it is possible. You have made it so far already!

Sending you best wishes,
Nimi

[Murkywater]

Thanks for replying to me rumples.

I have two other cats. They were the babies of the cat that passed away. They’re lovely and all. But I really miss the other cat. She was a stray and we took her in and she was the best character I’ve ever met. She never expected anything and always showed me love. I’ve been having hallucinations where I feel like she’s there but I know she’s not.

it’s been two years since I cut ties with my ex but it still hurts. She always made me feel like I was the bad part of it. So I always felt like I had to do better every week. We dated for 2 years before my mum walked in on me crying. I also started falling for this other girl last year. She told me she loved me and then didn’t reply to me properly ever again. It is a really long story but I’d always been there for her and the one time I needed her help, she just decided I wasn’t worth a response. I felt like I wanted to disappear.

In all my experiences with girls, they just seem to want more than I can possibly give. It feels like you give 100% But they want 200%. Then they get over me and start hanging out with other guys. I feel worthless, get sad and it ends. so I haven’t been with anyone for a while.

I come from a pretty good family. I’m fortunate and I acknowledge that. Except I feel like I’ve disappointed them. From an Indian background, We’re often pressured to be a doctor or an engineer or something like that. And I’m doing film. And I’m doing good for my age. I know that I am. I’ve got a really great job n stuff but I just feel like a failure. I’ve always felt like I’ve disappointed dad and felt worthless in that sense too. I work from home and because I haven’t moved out they think I’m useless at times. But they won’t let me move out until I’m like 24 or 25.

I don’t like to talk about my emotions with them or anyone really.

No one really gets me. Aside from the chats with the doctor I’ve had recently. They help a bit.

i don’t know how to turn off my brain. I just constantly feel sad or alone or that I’m disappointing someone or I’m worthless. I don’t know how else to explain it except like constant overthinking.

[Murkywater]

Thanks for replying nimi.

it makes me feel ok that someone out there kind of cares for me. I try to put myself first. But it’s really hard sometimes. I don’t know. I just thought people would treat me as I treat them. But nearly all the time that’s not the case. And I get they have lives too. But it just feels like sometimes I wish I had someone that could listen too.

[Rumples]

Thanks so much for coming back Murkeywater 🙂

OK, lets have a good o'l chat, shall we?

I'm pleased you still have some furry friends as companions 🙂 Losing the great ones is always hard and you'll never forget them. You're not supposed to. They'll always hold a special place in your heart. It's up to you now to look after her babies. It's how you'll return all that love and devotion she showed you. Give them all the love and attention she gave to you.

I have several Indian friends and can relate very much to your situation. It's a lot more common in the Indian community than you think. Mums are usually very dominant and possessive over their children, which makes it hard for prospective partners to fit in to such a tight knit culture. Most of my friends ended up settling down with partners from their own culture. Attempts with other cultures always seemed to end badly, with everyone in tears. Have you tried meeting Indian girls? If so, how did that go?

Girls usually want their nest and security from a man. Living at home with mum and dad well into your 30's is the norm these days, so don't think you're failing for living at home at your age. It'll come.

A LOT of fathers are guilty of unknowingly placing huge expectations on their sons. I speak from experience. We think we're doing right at the time, and only later in life when we reflect back, do we see the error of our ways. But, it's too late then. Have you tried sitting down 1-1 with dad for a deep and meaningful conversation? Do you have that kind of relationship with him?

There's an old saying "actions speak louder than words". You need to prove to yourself and others around you that you are a success. Great job and salary along with a good future is quite the accomplishment in these uncertain times. The fact you've managed to accomplish this, tells me you're a success in life.

Girls will come and go, it's life. You're so young still and have your entire life in front of you. Don't be in a rush to settle down with just anyone. It has to be the right one. For ever is a looooong time my friend 🙂 Marriage can sometimes feel like that, so you really need your best friend along for the journey.

As for your mind always racing, try planning only a week ahead at a time and meeting those goals. If you can't get a week right, what chance have you got for the rest of your life?

Come back to me with your thoughts. I'd love to hear them

Your friend - Rumples 🙂

[Murkywater]

I will look after them. I love them a lot too.

I am not really sure if I want an Indian partner because the families are really gossipy and dramatic. It’s kind of hard to explain. But I’ve seen my dad side of the family go through a lot of it. I don’t want to really experience any more of that in my life. I know that sounds kind of dumb. If the person is really special then I would try though.

yeah. I get that. But sometimes they don’t really see it. But also I’ve tried proposing I can move out and manage my own life because I was tired of feeling like I’m not good enough or anything. They don’t want me to though.

thanks. Even though I’ve managed to secure work in a field I’m passionate about, they still don’t really understand it. Like it’s not millions of dollars but I’m only 21. Sometimes it feels like they expect the world from me too. I know they love me and want the best for me, but for years I’ve felt like I’ve never filled their expectations and that’s what makes me feel sad a lot.

yeah. I know there’s no rush, but when I did have a girlfriend there were times where if I was sad like this I could tell her and it felt like i had someone in the world that didn’t consider me worthless. Think that’s why it’s so tough right now because I feel like I’m just doing everything alone.

I actually have been told by one of my best friends to take stuff a day at time. It’s helped, but my thoughts still race every second of the day. My doctors given me books on how to manage thoughts, which I just started reading. But right now they still take up a large part of what I think of.

thanks for talking to me rumples

[Rumples]

Hi Murkywaters 🙂 Thanks so much for coming back.

I'm always here for you if you want to just bounce ideas off or need someone to talk to. Anytime.

Definitely keep seeing your GP and follow their advice. They'll get you back on track.

In the meantime, try and talk to your closest friends. Talking to someone close to your situation often helps.

Last but not least, know what your experiencing has a lot to do with "growing pains" and finding yourself as an adult. We've all been through it and it will pass. Take your time, take deep breaths when your mind's racing and focus on the tasks immediately ahead.

Don't forget, there's a whole community of wonderful, caring people here just waiting to talk to you.

Your friend - Rumples

[Devine09]

Hi ya, the best thing I ever did is start a gratitude diary. Every day write 3things that you are grateful for. It make your mind concentrate on the positives instead of the negative stuff. When you find your mind racing read your diary and it will sooth you. The saying gos what you focus on is what will be true. It’s hard being a nice person because people do tend to walk all over you. If you read try finding out about CBT cognitive behaviour therapy. It has helped me heaps. Good luck in your journey, you only get out of it what you put in. I know it’s hard, believe me I do, but you have to show the world You, instead of looking for girlfriends look at improving yourself and when you meet someone you will be ready for them. Xx