Feeling utterly worthless

[Glenslifeisnotgood]

I'm Glen, 35 and yet again single. I would describe myself as (when I'm normal) funny, optimistic, helpful, caring and understanding, sporty and a good guy. In the last 10 years I have done my absolute best to be a great friend, a good worker and try to hopefully have a wife and family of my own. However whenever I try to improve my current situation I keep getting crapped on ie started at a gym - got cancer, started a uni degree - job changed so had to defer, had a good relationship - out of nowhere she gets pregnant and wants an abortion (she was on the pill) and I got no say in it. That's just to name a few of the utterly terrible things that have happened to me over the last year but this kind of crap has been happening to me for the last 10 years. I'm seriously at a point where I can barely find a reason to keep going as everything I try just blows up in my face with crap that's out of my control. Apparently being nice nowadays means you get stepped on, being chivalrous and respectful to your girlfriend isn't bring a "real man", I'm so tired of waking up everyday and knowing if it wasn't for pain and suffering I would have no purpose in life at all.

I saw the ad on tv for this so thought I'd give it a go before finding a permanent solution to end this

once and for all, I've tried many different therapists who have told me to "keep doing what your doing" but when does the point in life come where it starts rewarding you with love and respect for doing the right things instead of continual suffering and heartache?

help....please...

Glen

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[white knight]

Hi GLG, welcome to beyond blue forums

Of course your therapist is correct. I mean, will anyone advise you to "in future be nasty to the girl and you'll do better".

The fact is you havent met the right girl. I know it sounds like a broken record but after 2 wives, 1 long term defacto and countless girlfriends (sounds egotistical) in my 20's I can say my new wife is great. Pity I didnt meet her when we were both single in 1980.

As for cancer and job changes that interupted your life it is bad luck. Nothing scientific about it. Cancer will interupt anyones life. I mean who would be prepared for it? "I dont think I'll go overseas as I might get cancer".

I'm not being flippant, just making the point that you have had really bad luck.  So the only other thing you can do is ask your friends advice when ever you feel like making a decision in life before you proceed.

And keep looking for the "right" girl. Because she's looking for you.

 Take care    Tony WK

[Smurf80]

Hi Glen,

Sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time. I'm also in my mind 30s and have suffered from depression for close to 20 years so I can certainly relate to what you said. Can I also say as a female being chivalrous and respectful of women is a good thing and you shouldn't think you are any less of a man for doing that. Are you on any medication? I tried 3 before finding my current one and it has really helped me be able to function and live a relatively normal life. I won't lie I di still get down from time to time but find I can cope much better with than without. If you are not on any medication may I suggest talking to a GP about starting one. If you feel like talking feel free to reply and I am more than happy to converse with you more.

regards

 Smurf80

[Phoenix76]

Hi Glen,

I hear you loud and clear.. I have suffered depression and anxiety my entire life and I too felt like you, no matter how I strive to be a better person I would always get the raw deal... Life has some hard knocks and it isn't fair, but I personally feel it is a place that we are here to learn from our lives and improve on ourselves, sometimes that learning might be a simple change in the way you look at yourself and the world around you.

I have had the help of a G.P, Psychologist and Psychiatrist (so support, therapy and antidepressants) and a stint in hospital along the way... you are on the right track asking for help! 🙂

I agree with Smurf, don't change those wonderful qualities you have as a man.. as you are a rear breed and there are some women out there who are very deserving of a man like you, but until you can accept and love yourself, how are you going to attract the right women who will do the same.

Some people are mistaken thinking they are just nice guys.. but that is not ok if you are a nice guy who doesn't set boundaries and lets the woman walk all over you! You deserve respect in a relationship, the aim should be mutual respect!

I personally found my strength within grow in abundance when I tuned into my spiritual side, which directed me to stand by my values. Positive self talk, therapy, juggling the right medication with a good psychiatrist can make a world of difference.

It seems as through experiencing bad luck, it can teach you valuable life lessons. Learn what you can from these situations, but don't always blame yourself and be the victim.

You are a strong person and hopefully with the help you receive after reaching out, you will see that depression is an illness, that it needs to be managed and once you can get on top of that.. the rest of it will slowly fall into place as long as you are true to yourself! 🙂

All the best, Phoenix

[Jacko777]

Hi Glen,

You have the power to give your self love Glen, if you have done the right thing/s then you can respect and love your self, NO ONE CAN STOP YOU!

Old quote; 'It's not what happens to us that matters, just how we handle it.' Challenges are a part of our journey through life, we can be aware of how we respond to life through the choices we make.

Most of us experience some suffering and heartache at some point, i am sad to hear you have had a crap year. Try not to hold on to the pain from the past or concern for the future, focus on this moment, don't lose moments to something you cannot change, with practice this helps.

Lots of good ideas from others in this thread Glen, please keep us posted. And hang in there mate, there will be ways to improve your situation.

[Glenslifeisnotgood]

Just wanted to thank everyone on here for your support and suggestions. It's hard to reach out but after seeing a psychologist today I'm feeling better, by no means happy but perspective is a little clearer. The thing I've found hardest is just the continual bad luck and hoping for a break from it, it is true though that life and fairness don't seem to go hand in hand but being optimistic in nature it's so hard staying positive when you feel like your getting crapped on at every turn.

Thanks again everyone, much appreciated.

Glen

[JustTiffanyxo]

Hey Glen!

I'm really glad that you posted back to the site, as I only just read your initial post. It was heart breaking to say the least. 

Having said that though, I can relate to some of the things you have said, especially the 'getting crapped on' part. It is hard to keep going when unsavoury things keep happening to you.  But you know what? These little bumps in the proverbial road are what makes us better people, stronger people. 

I am fairly new to this place as well but I have found even just the writing down of thought's and feelings has helped me greatly. It's hard to explain to someone what you're feeling face to face, yet it is so much easier to type. I type and type and type. I find it helpful also that there are people on here that are willing to 'listen' (read) what you have to say and provide feedback. I like that. 

Anyway, back on track, I'm really glad that you sought help and are feeling better. Perspective and insight are everything, never lose them!

 Tiffany