Feeling trapped with no way out

[Shellee32]

I am 65 years old, have a partner, we are both on the pension, we have a mortgage which takes almost one pension payment each month, we struggle with everyday living, live in an older house, with no real heating, a wood fire which we cannot afford to buy wood for, an old AC/heater in the wall - expensive to run - we are in a rural area, nearest actual shopping centre is 26 km's from us and is almost useless. I feel so trapped, the house is old and very cold, high ceilings and mornings can be around 5° inside, I now stay in bed where I am warm but this means I am bored,lonely and frustrated. Cannot afford to go anywhere as money is not there, we have no savings, neither of us had Super, my partner was injured 20 years ago and has not worked since. Cannot move as the selling price once debts removed would not cover anything at all and the banks just laugh at us so we are stuck, cannot afford to improve things here and cannot afford to move. I know that no one can give me a solution I just need to vent and talk . .

[geoff]

hello Shelle, I'm really sorry for the two of you being in this terrible situation, what I would suggest you do is sell this house, it would be one that a handyman/renovator would love to get hold of and do up, and then rent a flat, where you can get rent assistance and if you move to your country town or another one where the rent will be much cheaper.
You honestly can't expect to live in these conditions before one of you get sick, pack up and sell it, I think this is what you must do. Geoff.

[Debzo]

Hi Shellee

I really feel for you, what a scary and sad situation to be in at this stage of your life. Have you tried contacting a charitable support agency? I know that Uniting Care works in the country to support people in difficult situations via a range of programs. They run a retirement community down the road from me (country Victoria) for people in similar situations to what you describe, with no entrance fees and very cheap rent. There is also Anglicare and quite a few other agencies who work in these areas.

Best of luck and at least stay connected. Connection is always better for your wellbeing than isolation.

Debzo

[Debzo]

Hi again Shellee

I just had another idea for you. I agree with Geoff that to free yourself you are probably going to have to sell your house unless you can come up with a way to make more money than you are currently getting on the pension. And when all your income is taken up on just living that's a hard thing to do, especially in the country where jobs are thin on the ground.

Even if you had to borrow a little bit of money on credit cards to get your house ready for sale in the spring/summer you could then go house sitting for a while to pay off your debts. Lots of retired people do this.

My husband and I are not in a great financial situation ourselves having both come out of previous marriages not very well. We had to get creative with the money we did have and are actually moving a house onto a block of land in regional Victoria so that we will have a very small mortgage we can pay off over five years. While we do this we found someone who wanted to travel for four months and so we are living in their house taking care of their pets and garden. They are covering all costs (although sometimes with long term sits you have to cover some costs like power). There are a couple of good sites where people list their homes for sitting. The one I used was Aussie House sitters. Most sits are only for a few weeks but ones for months at a time do come up.

Feeling trapped is a very common cause of depression. I felt that way in my first marriage. Now I use William Glasser's WDEP : What do I want? What am I doing to get it? Evaluate how that's working for me and Plan for the best outcome I can.

Again, good luck and keep posting 🙂

[Starwolf]

Hi Shellee, good to meet you.

As Geoff pointed out, there are only 2 long-term alternatives to this difficult situation. Either you sell and start renting a more comfortable home, or you settle for more of the same and try to make the best of it.

I understand where you are at. I live alone in an isolated rural area, in an old settler's shack.The next small town is 85 kms away, 30 of which are on a single lane dirt track winding its way down the mountain. Like most old houses, it is full of gaps. Close one and another couple will appear at the next weather change. Being a pensioner too, I find it difficult to keep warm and improvements are out of the question. Mountain winters are harsh. Selling the place would only buy me another ruin in another isolated area.

I have decided to make the most of the situation and stay put until I can no longer do it. The wilderness is still more attractive to me than "civilization" and I enjoy the relative freedom of less rules to comply with. This has been a difficult but thoughtful choice. As we age, we become more vulnerable. It is often a time of leaving things behind...not easy. I guess what we do about it depends on many factors, health being an important one. I agree that lack of funds is a huge handicap. Sitting down with pen and paper and making a pros and cons list could help clarify your thoughts about this dilemma.

I have been considering other options, some I am still toying with. Perhaps moving into a campervan during the harshest months and joining the grey nomads crowd in warmer locations ? Debzo suggested house sitting. A good idea if you don't mind moving around.

Whatever you decide depends on your personal needs and expectations.

I wish you both all the best.