Feeling so overwhelmed with everything in my life

[Unicorn_Sparkles]

It's at the point where it feels like it's impacting every aspect of my life, that I'm shutting down completely.

I'm one of those sad people who still plays Pokemon go, which I loved, because it got me out and about socialising (because basically all my friends are married and have their own lives now, so I feel like the single loser) and I loved that the group I was part of was so inclusive and didn't judge people on level, team etc, but lately it's like everyone has become so cliquey that people are going off and doing their own thing and not wanting to help and I don't understand why people would be so selfish. I admit I've been lashing out coz I'm frustrated, but I don't understand why people would want to be selfish and not include people and leave people out. Yet I feel like whenever I'm like "that's pretty crappy behaviour, not everyone is as elite or has their own crew they can hang outwith" some people give me this "some people have access to enough accounts to do things themselves, people will get left out, get over it" or "soz, wasn't thinking. I had enough accounts to do it myself" attitude (at least that's how the responses make me feel) and then it's like there's so much pressure that I feel like I need to do this and that, or play a certain amount and it's overwhelming. Then I get frustrated, coz I feel like nobody is listening to me and my concerns, so lash out, yet it somehow ends up being my fault.

And then I also feel like a worthless loser, coz I'm unemployed, live at home with my parents. Mum has bad arthritis, so she's super slow, then dad makes fun of her being so slow.

Also went to a family gathering recently and got cornered by cousins who were like "When are you gonna have kids? Isn't it time your parents have grandchildren?" I'm 37, this weighs on my mind on a daily basis as to why I'm single and why nobody wants me, not just on a relationship basis, but work and friends (I've all but given up on asking my bestie if she's free for coffee, she's always busy with her mother's group friends)

It feels like I'm drowning in negativity and it feels like no matter what I do it's always my fault. I feel useless, worthless and not good enough. I'd much rather hide in my room forever and never come out.

I also looked at speaking to a psychologist, but they're like $200, an unemployed bum like me can't afford it.

[White_Rose]

Dear Unicorn Sparkles

Welcome to the forum and thanks for posting here. I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties with your friends. It must be hurtful to feel you are not wanted or not well regarded in your friendship group. I am not entirely sure who is who in your group but I gather your friends no longer have time for you. Then to talk to your cousins who want to know when you are going to have children must have been even more upsetting. I gather you do not have a partner. I hope I have all of this correctly but if not please let me know.

It's true of course that we move on from those we have been close to in the past as our lives take different paths. It's both a challenge to us to keep moving forward and accepting we are still worthwhile people who are managing different friendship groups. Not always easy.

I do not think anyone is a hopeless loser. It's hard of course when our previously shared activities no longer take place but you can make new friends. Are you a carer for your mom? Does she mind your dad making remarks about her slowness? He may of course be joking but it can seem unkind to others. Perhaps you can check this out with your mom and if this upsets her perhaps you let your dad know. Sometime those in our lives do not realise the other is being hurt.

May I ask what work you did when you were employed? Did you enjoy this job? Are you able to work? I know it can be hard to get back into the workforce after a time away. I wonder if this is due to the difficulty of getting a job in your area.

Psychology fees can be expensive. Can you talk to your GP about going on a mental health plan. This will allow your psychology fees to be subsidised by Medicare. There are limits but it could be very worthwhile to check it out. Some psychologists will charge the Medicare refundable amount which means you will not be out of pocket. You will also have a record of your medical fees payable by Medicare and when you reach the safety net your general medical fees rebates will increase.

If your GP or psychologist thinks you need long term assistance you may find it better to see a psychiatrist where all your fees have a Medicare rebate, though this rebate will be smaller than your rebate when you reach the safety net. Perhaps you can discuss this when you talk to your GP or perhaps have a word with Medicare.

Please continue to post in here especially if you have specific questions.

Mary

[Unicorn_Sparkles]

Thankyou WhiteRose.

yeah, I have my school group of friends, but they're all married with kids, so they're always busy doing kid related things with the parents/kids from mothers groups. I used to message a lot, just to go "hey, let's catchup for coffee, let me know when you're free, happy for kids to tag along" but was always busy, so stopped asking. Then there was my Pokemon friends and it was great, coz the group included everyone, but lately people who I considered friends are going off and doing their own thing and then when I called them out on it, I got this "Oh. Sorry. Didn't think. Oh well. Whatever" attitude, which intended or not hurt my feelings.

As for the mum/Dad thing, yeah it hurts her feelings. I'm super close to my mum and I hate seeing her feel like crap when he makes these jibes about her. Even tv shows she watches, like the bold and the beautiful or the bachelor.

It's also not just my cousins who are doing the whole "why don't you have kids?" Line. I was going out with a guy last year and sister in law #1 cornered me at a family function, and I quote "you need to get a ring on that finger, so you can give your parents the grandchildren they deserve" I was completely gobsmacked, so kind of laughed it off, but was gutted, coz her and my oldest brother decided not to have kids. And a few weeks ago, my parents went to a funeral and ran into someone I went to primary school with and started harassing them as to why I don't have kids. I feel like people are obsessed with the (lack of) contents of my uterus.

I used to work in hospitality, the last few years I was doing agency work, but wasn't getting the shifts like I used to (plus I got screwed over with a contract) so I'm actually doing a career change, I'm doing animal studies at tafe and volunteer once a week at the RSPCA. Tbh, when I'm at the RSPCA surrounded by animals it's when I'm happiest. Animals don't judge me. I feel like everyone else does.

I'm worried about speaking to my GP, not because I don't trust her, but because she'll be like "here. Go take some anti depressants" when I feel like I just need someone to talk to.

[White_Rose]

Hello Unicorn Sparkles

Most GPs are well aware of mental health issues. Yes there are some who think they have done their best by offering you antidepressants. So no need to go back to that one. Book a long appointment, at least half an hour, to give you time to get it all, or at least some, out of your system. Doctors are supposed to listen before making a diagnosis.

Make sure you ask about a mental health plan. If the GP does not want to put you on a plan then go elsewhere. Alternatively, simply ask for a referral to a psychiatrist. I much prefer a psychiatrist as they can manage medication with you. I understand this is not your preferred option, so say so and discuss the pros and cons.

You must be comfortable with the practitioner otherwise there's no point in going. Mostly they are OK. They will start by asking you questions about your background and when you started to have your feelings. Some of it may not appear relevant but is building a picture of you. At the same time you are assessing the practitioner. It has to be a joint decision to continue.

Your friends do have a different path in life now they have children. Socialising is less frequent because of time constraints. Naturally they are more interested in their families. That's not to say they don't want to talk to you but just have less available time.

people who I considered friends are going off and doing their own thing and then when I called them out on it, I got this "Oh. Sorry. Didn't think. And you know this may be the truth. Why not arrange a morning tea with several of these people at a time convenient to them? Go and visit them at their homes and play with the children. Moms get a mini break and you get the enjoyment of being with small children.

May I suggest you talk to your dad about the way he refers to your mom. My ex frequently used these tactics to make me look silly or pathetic. It's not nice. Your dad may not realise how it is affecting mom. At the very least you will know you tried.

Working with animals can be a joy and I am so pleased for you that this is something that gives you pleasure. We do get judged by others and this is sad. But not everyone will judge you. It is something you need to understand. In the meantime, enjoy your animal studies and volunteer work. It is a great reward in itself.

Mary

[Unicorn_Sparkles]

I get that when people get married/have kids, the dynamics of a friendship change, I'm just not sure how many times I need to message asking to catch up, even if I drop over to her house, just to make it easier on her before it gets to the point where i start to think "oh well. Can't be bothered asking anymore"

As for the Pokemon friends, these friendships are different and dynamic is kind of different and it is hard to explain to people who don't play Pokemon go the dynamics. In short, they have *raids* that need a group of people to take it down. I wanted to do a raid at a certain time/place and nobody showed any interest. But then I caught someone who I considered a friend doing the raid I wanted to do at the time I wanted to do it (I happened to still be in the area) so I cracked it and called her out and that's when I got the whole "oh, sorry. Didn't think. We had enough accounts to do it ourselves" and the more I tried to explain that she could have still messaged me to say that the people she was with were going to do it, the more I felt like she didn't care. Some people within my group play 4 or 5 accounts and can do everything themselves, I don't. I need to rely on other people within the group to help me and it's frustrating.

I've spoken to dad a few times about dad's reactions and how it hurts mum's feelings, and mine to an extent, coz sometimes I feel like he's having a go at me, which then makes me upset, like I'm a disappointment to him. I know I'm not, but if we're watching the chase for example and I get a question wrong (answer same as contestsnt) he carries on calling the contestant an idiot, which makes me think I'm an idiot, coz I thought the same answer. He apologises, but keeps doing it

[White_Rose]

Hello Sparkles

You are very sensitive to the opinions of others about you. I can see how difficult this makes life for you. You are right in that I have no understanding about Pokemon but I do understand the feeling you are being left out of an activity you enjoyed and with the people you have socialised with in the past. It's never pleasant to feel you are not wanted for any reason.

I'm not sure exactly what you can do about this. Do you have any ideas about this? You have mentioned twice about calling people out for not including you and I can see why you would do this. I imagine you want to know if it was accidental or deliberate. Trying to determine this is probably not productive. If someone says they do not want you around it will be very hurtful. Why do you think you are not being included?

I think it's important for you to understand what is happening. Obviously I cannot tell you this. Do you think it is more about you personally? Have you noticed the changes in these friends attitudes towards you and what they are? What messages do you think they are sending? It may mean you need to find a new group of friends. And of course this applies to your married friends as well. Do you ever drop over to see your friends without making prior arrangements? How did it go (if you have tried).

As far as your dad is concerned, without wishing to sound disrespectful, I think there are people who have absolutely no idea they are hurting someone, no idea these remarks are not funny or OK. He sounds very impatient with others. By the way, when you are watching quizz shows does he get answers wrong? Just wondering. What does he say about your mom? Is it OK for him to put her down? Maybe you can call it to his attention when he makes unkind comments.

You do need to stand up for yourself I have found. Letting it go simply leads the other person to believe the comments are OK and you do not mind. As I said previously, I have been there and sitting quietly do not mean the other person recognises the hurt they are giving.

It is a different situation with your friends. You do not live with them and they have no reason to be polite if they feel you are not polite. Friends and family do need to be treated differently.

Mary

[Unicorn_Sparkles]

Hi rose.

No, I haven't just dropped by to my *real friends* unannounced. I suppose I could, but feel like I'd be intruding if I turned up unannounced. She had another baby 6 months ago (3 girls, 6months to nearly 7) and with the older 2, it was always "come over for a cuppa and chat" this time around feels different. Posts on Facebook I'd comment on and say we'd need to catch up soon, when would be a good time to visit and she would either be busy or completely ignore that part of my comment, so gave up asking after awhile.

The Pokemon friends are different and explaining can get a bit confusing, so I'll do my best to explain. In Pokemon, they have raids. Level 1 to 5. Level 1 to 3 can usually be done with 1 account. 3 may need 2 players, depending on the level/strength of account. Level 4 raids need 2 or 3, again depending on strength/Level. Level 5 raids need at least 5 accounts, sometimes more. A raid happens at a Pokemon gym. It has an egg timer that lasts an hour, hatches, then the raid lasts 45mins. So when I asked if anyone wanted to do the level 5 raid, nobody showed interest, but then this group went and did it anyway and when I called them out, that's when I got the whole "oh, sorry. Didn't think. Plus we had enough accounts ourselves" attitude. I know it wasn't intentional, but feel like she's missed the point. If I'm missing out because of that kind of thing, then who else is? It's not a nice feeling. It's hurtful and I find it disrespectful, like they don't care about anyone else but themselves, and that's the exact opposite of me as a person. I always like to try and help people if I can. So for them to be all "you are a friend, we just didn't think" feels like a cop out, because I wouldn't treat my friends like that. Yet I'm made to feel like some hysterical drama queen or a bitch because of how I feel, but feel like my feelings are completely disregarded.

I have spoken to mum about the way dad acts sometimes, she says it's just a male thing and she's let him get away with it for too long, so she's speaking up for herself more. He does sometimes gets things wrong, but it's like nobody else can have an opinion and he has to be right about everything. He's not very tactful and I guess because I'm already feeling fragile over other things, when he has those moments, it feels 100 times worse than what it should.