Feeling lost

[Dannie554]

Hi there,

I have been feeling so lost recently and self destructive. I have felt bullied at work for many years now, I have been trying to seek support but I often don't get any or any understanding. I have bad anxiety and PTSD and when I go to people to chat about my work problems my mental health is brought up and I often get told I must of made things up in my head which has made me feel gaslit. Most of the time when I go to people I'm just explaining I would like some respect at work and to be treated equally with everyone. I'm one of the youngest on the team (28) and most of the team are 40+ dads so its hard for them to relate back to me or understand I don't like how they talk to me, when they call me names, message me annoyed outside of work saying I make them all look bad because I work too hard, make fun of my work and say very hurtful things. I have felt really alone these last few years and really struggled at work. A few days ago I broke down crying at work, I was so frustrated, one of the girls I have worked with for 6 years found me and she promised I could talk to her and she wouldn't tell anyone, she is in HR but I trusted her. I explained to her some issues I've had with my boss and some of the others at work and I said some bad things but all true. She's now told someone else and I'm really scared I'll lose my job. I've had many conversations with my boss about this stuff and I've had a few people go to him and say I've said bad things about him and it's caused a lot of problems. I'm really scared and I don't feel good at all. I don't know how to fix what I said I really trusted her, I don't know how to calm my anxiety or relax.

[therising]

Hi Dannie554

Definitely sounds like a stressful situation in a lot of ways. As a 53yo old woman, if there's one thing I've learned over the years it's this...just because people are older, it doesn't make them wiser or deserving of respect in some cases. Heck, I know people in their teens that have the wisdom of a sage at times and they just don't get the respect they truly deserve, based on their age.

I think it's fair to ask what's questionable. Is it fair to question people in their forties still name calling? For sure. Is it fair to question why hard workers receive messages asking why they have to work so hard? Absolutely. Is it fair to question the lack of confidentiality in regard to someone who's asked to keep what we say to them in confidence? Definitely. Is it fair to state how dismissive management can be, especially when it comes to reasonable statements or requests we've already conveyed to them? I think so. Sounds like you're surrounded by questionable people who perhaps aren't questioning themselves as much as they should be.

I think it can be tough being labelled as having some condition or mental health challenge at times. There can be a bit of that gaslit factor or so it feels. It's like if I was going through a period of depression and someone said to me 'I think you're just taking that person's behaviour to heart because you're feeling depressed'. Truth of the matter can be I'm taking it to heart because it's simply heartbreaking and I can feel that whether I'm in a period of depression or not. I think when we're sensitive people, we can sense more easily than others. Sometimes I like to question why insensitive people just aren't capable of feeling or sensing more. Have they become so desensitised to the point where they can't feel what's degrading, dismissive, heartbreaking or whatever? People are definitely questionable at times.

Dannie, a sense of wonder is a highly underrated gift in my opinion. We really don't use this sense anywhere near as much as we should. While I used to be more of a people pleaser, to the point where it was depressing, now I'm not so much of a pleaser, now that I've come to express my sense of wonder more. Wondering at people can definitely be challenging at first but once you get the hang of it, you realise how empowering it is and what a natural self-esteem booster it is. I've found it's easier to wonder out of genuine curiosity, as opposed to doing it out of a sense of confrontation or conflict. Now, if someone was calling me names at work, I may say to them (with a serious need to know, out of sheer curiosity) 'I can't help but wonder why you feel so compelled to call me such a name. What leads you to do this? I really have to know. I just can't help but wonder'. If there's one thing highly questionable people often lead us to do, they will lead us to develop a sense of wonder.