Feeling like a Failure

[Poss42]

Everything I seem to do is wrong.

 I'm starting a new job next week and I'm scared that I'll fail and let everyone down.

 I've been drinking too much and sent a message to one of my friends that was hurtful and now I feel sick with guilt and will eventually have to face them.  One of my other friends sent me a message saying I was nasty and not a true friend.  Alcohol always seems to get me into trouble and I say or do things I don't mean.  I need to try and give up drinking I'm not an alcoholic and don't drink every day but I do binge and drink most to every weekend.  I need help to try and stop drinking as I really do believe things would be allot better if I got help but I don't know where to get help?  As I don't think AA would suit what I need.

 I'm single over 40 and feel that my opportunity to have children had passed me by, I'm over weight, have no drive to exercise, some Saturdays I spend the whole day in bed and wonder why I'm here at all.

 I feel empty inside and don't know what to do.

 I don't feel like a good person today and just feel sick.

[IRDazza]

Gedday Poss,

Being nervous about a new job is natural of course and yes you might fail. That's life!

Doesn't matter though, as long as you give it what you got and don't let yourself down. You obviously were selected for the job, so someone there must already have a bit of confidence in you, even if YOU don't. Prove them right!

I'm a bit the same with the drinking. I drink a bit too much on the weekends and always lie to myself that next week I'll start cutting back. Next week comes and "Hi ho, hi ho, its down the pub I go!' . ..

I find that I can hide behind alcohol. I don't have to be the real me, and be one of the boys, with a hazy mind and a painted smile, it feels good for awhile.

Unfortunately alcohol also has a tendency of opening the mind, and the mouth , and often the brains still chasing up from behind.

Help generally, I believe, needs to come from within. The little voice in the head that you know is there, but you sometimes don't listen to.

He's the one you were seemingly listening too when you wrote the post, and is feeling guilty etc.

You know you better than anyone! So listen to you! Be honest.

I find writing allows me to clarify thoughts, in a very sometimes colourful way,  . Just by putting words on paper, or on screen, allows the thoughts to mature, and become clearer. I write what I feel, in way that I speak, and let mind go wild. Empty the trash, and focus on what's left.

Often the answer is already known, but you simply need to clarify it.

If your friend is a TRUE friend, then simply talk to them. Again sometimes writing and clarify your thoughts could help. Again be brutally honest if you have to.

I don't believe in the airy fairy, rainbows and bunny rabbit attitudes to problems. Be open, honest, and most importantly be yourself! If they don't like it well s be it. You is what you is! And thats okay!

Finally as far as the 40+, overweight, no kids, etc, well do something about it. I wish I was 40 again.

Walk to the pub on the weekend, walk home early. Look for something away from the pub. Instead of AA, why not a dating or friendship group. etc.  Get out and about and be what you want to be.

We all know what we COULD and SHOULD be doing! 

Finally don't look at yourself being empty, fill it up with something. Not alcohol. Thoughts, ideas, interests, hobbies, life.

[gnull]

I've never tried alchahol but i know what its like to feel like a failure in my first and so far only job i thouhht i was terribe at it but it turns  out everyone else thought i eas doing well just remember not everything is one or the other.  I think life doesnt have a success or failure it just is....  if that makes sense and if you do fail at something remember you get infonite retries

[Phoenix76]

Hi Poss,

I am sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time at the moment. It sounds like you have a few things deeply upsetting you. I would strongly suggest going to a GP and asking for help... a mental health plan and a psychologist who may be able to help you work through some things and also help you with your drinking, your feelings of self worth and anything else that comes up.

You don't have to suffer alone, seek the help and start taking steps to make your life a happy one from day to day.. I have had psychological help and medication to help me along my way and to be honest without it, I would not still be here years later 🙂

Its great you reached out here, I wish you well on your journey forward.

 Phoenix 🙂

[Neil_1]

Hi there Poss

Welcome to Beyond Blue and I say “good on you” for coming here and sharing your post.  That’s been a very big and positive step that  you’ve made.

Also congrats to you on securing a new job – and I wonder, if it IS this week that you are starting it?   If so, I wish you well with it and I’m sure you’ll do very well in it.

With regard to your friend and that message you sent, I would be trying as soon as possible to track down that friend and meet up with them.  To give them a personal apology for what happened.  I honestly think if you were able to do that, hopefully that might smooth things over a bit as well as helping you internally to know that you were able to do everything to make things better again.  I hope that works out for you.

With regard to the demon drink – I’ve heard where people can go to a GP and to let them know of what’s happening and that there is something they can prescribe for you that when you take it, it somehow takes away the ‘need’ to drink.  In the search function on each page in Beyond Blue, you could type in alcohol and you’ll get a lot of “hits”;  just scroll through till you find one that seems to be talking about the ‘giving up’ – there’ll be lots of useful posts that you can read to get other ideas as well.

You’ve also made a very good step in coming here and posting – one very good positive step forward – I’m sure you’ve got many others to follow.

I do hope you can get back to us also.

Neil

[geoff]

dear Poss, can I just add on to what Neil has mentioned, that yes there are drugs which the GP can prescribe to you which will take away any desire for drinking, it's been awhile since I have taken them, so my information may be outdated, however there are two which I tried, the first one can stop you drinking, but it's probably the milder one, but then the next one has to government approved, in other words the GP has to ring up and get an authorisation number, but this may have changed now.

They will only work if you are determined to stop drinking, otherwise it's a waste of time, but they are very helpful because they take away the urge to want a drink, and even if you still take and have a drink, you won't get a buzz.

Going to AA is a waste of time as far as I'm concerned, because you have the same people stand up and say 'hi I'm an alcoholic' even though they might have stopped 20 years ago.

I can see their point of view, but if you are trying to give up, it really means nothing, and very hard to relate this back to what you want now, anyway that's my opinion.

Sometimes I also doubt about going into rehab/detox, sure it may teach you to stop drinking, however there can be a problem, because when you leave detox and come back to your current lifestyle a mate may call around and then entice you to have a sip, and once this happens then your back to drinking, so detox has been a waste of time, this may not happen but it's a possibility.

There used to be people who would come into the pub I was running a couple of times, and they would be so quiet but after a few drinks their personality changed completely and turned into a totally different person, far opposite to what they normally are.

With regard to your friend 'the horse may have bolted', and the friendship won't be the same as it was before, but I would encourage you to try and make contact but you will have to persevere with them.

Please stay with us and we can try and get you through it, but I also suggest that you go and see your GP who will hopefully find a drug counsellor, and please don't be frightened by their title, it's just that that's what they are called, and let's deal with your weight a bit later on. L Geoff. x

[Poss42]

Hi,

Thanks for your support your advice means allot.

[Poss42]

Hi,

 Thanks for your support I really appreciate it.

[Poss42]

Hi

Thanks for your support I don't think I'll try drugs to rectify the problem I think I just need to pull my finger out and get some will power.

[Poss42]

Hi,

Thanks for your words of wisdom I definitely don't think I'm that bad with alcohol that I need to take medication I just need to keep myself busy and use some will power.  I do believe that my generation tend to drink allot more to get through stress and loneliness.  Life isn't always a bed of roses for everyone it's tough.