Feeling like a burden

Teejay · ‎24-11-2013

Hi everyone,

I've been in a major depressive episode on and off (mostly on) for the last 4 or 5 years. I kept it to myself until I really thought I was in danger and finally went to see a therapist about 2 years ago. I'm doing ok, lots of ups and downs, but I'm no longer a threat to myself. My problem is even though I've finally told my friends and family, no one really understands how difficult it really is. I get a lot of "think happy thoughts. Believe you are happy and you will be" You know, the usual platitudes. My husband has a mild form of Aspergers and cannot deal with the emotions I'm feeling in any way. So most times I feel really alone. I don't want to keep burdening my friends, I mean I'm sick of hearing me say how miserable I am, I can only imagine how sick of it they are. I just need someone I can cry to without feeling judged or pitied or worse, that I'm just annoying them. I hoping you all here will understand.

Chris D · ‎24-11-2013

Hi Teejay,

I have been battling depression on and off for approx 10 yrs plus and i'm only 29. It wasn't until this august when i first got diagonsed and told someone the full extent of my depression.

Even since then when i do turn to my friends and family i get what you said just think positive. It just isn't that easy or simple.

No one can see what is going in our heads. I do understand what you are going through Teejay.

I am in your corner, I will do my best to support you. Even though i may not say the right things i know and i hope you know that my heart is in the right place.

Kind Regards

Chris

Jo3 · ‎25-11-2013

Hi Teejay

I totally understand what you're saying. Family and friends are very strange when it comes to a mental illness. Some will either support you all the way and others will walk away as fast as they can.

No, they don't understand what we're going through, what our heads tell us to think and do. And at times it can be difficult to explain to others exactly how we feel. Easy for some to say - oh just get on with your life; forget about them etc etc. It's not that easy.

It's great to hear that you are having therapy. But now that you're on here you can say whatever as we won't judge you; we will support you.

Hope you get back to us and let us know how you are.

Take care

Jo

Neil_1 · ‎25-11-2013

Hi Teejay

As Jo mentioned, no-one judges here ... the support is really warm and genuine. It is that way, because it's coming straight from the heart of fellow sufferers (or perhaps even people who have suffered, but are now going 'ok').

It's a great place to unload.

The feeling of being alone is a tough one, but please please remember that you've got an amazing amount of support here.

Hope to hear from you again soon (well, actually I don't, cause that might mean that you're feeling a bit better). 🙂

Cheers

Neil

Teejay · ‎25-11-2013

Thanks everybody. It's really a relief to know you are all here. Does anyone else's depression come in waves? Sometimes I feel ok and then almost without warning (I certainly cannot always recognize my trigger) I'm a total puddle. I can't stop crying, weeping really. In the midst of those waves, I'm so easily overwhelmed and downright hopeless. But after a while, sometimes a couple of hours or sometimes a day or two, the wave subsides and I'm just my "normal" sad, anxious self. I just can't figure out what to do during those tidal waves of emotions. It's almost too much for me, you know?

Neil_1 · ‎25-11-2013

Hi Teejay

I'm right with you in exactly what you're saying and my analogy as I've written before in other places is that depression is like the tide of the ocean, and we're the sand on the beach. It's always there, it never goes away and sometimes it comes in and encroaches further up the beach than before.

This is when it gets horribly uncomfortable. For what it's worth, I'm pleased that you're able to cry as I find that always is a kind of a release for me. However, I'm in a place where I WANT to cry, but the tears just won't come.

Perhaps I should sit down and watch a Justin Bieber concert and that might make my tears flow!!

All I'm currently doing is just progressing ever so slowly each day and that's all I can do. The tenseness and tension inside is just so tight and feels like it's being turned tighter and tighter all the time.

Take care Teejay and hang in there ... the tide must recede out soon.

Neil

Chris D · ‎25-11-2013

Hi Teejay,

Yes. My depression comes just how you decribed it.

Sorry i'm not very good at posting replies because i fear i will say the wrong words. To let you know i am in your corner and with you all the way.

Stay Safe, Take Care and Relax please

Kind Regards

Chris