Feeling Invalidated and Exhausted - Struggling to Cope

[Sammy_347]

Hi everyone,

I’m reaching out because I feel incredibly isolated and just can’t seem to deal with things alone anymore. I don’t talk to my parents about my feelings because whenever I try, it ends in a fight, and I just feel even worse. They often say I have an “easy life”—that I’m lucky to have grown up in a nice house, in a family with money, and in a good school. And while I can acknowledge that on the surface, they don’t know half of what I’m going through. I wish they understood, but I don’t think they ever will.

They know I have ocd, but instead of being supportive, they seem to think it makes me a “freak.” My ocd has completely taken over my life—I’m constantly worrying about germs, can’t sleep, and can’t drive because I’m terrified of causing harm. I’m depressed every day, and these feelings have damaged my relationships. I hate myself for it and feel so alone. I've even self-harmed, but they have no idea, and I feel like I can’t talk about it with them without being shut down.

What they also don’t know is that a couple of years ago, I was raped by someone I trusted. I’ve buried it for so long, but I’m finally beginning to talk about it in therapy. It’s been extremely difficult, and between sessions, I feel overwhelmed by intense emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations that seem to bubble up, especially at night. I’m mentally and physically exhausted, and sleep is a struggle. I wish my parents could understand how much I hate feeling this way and that I’d give anything not to feel this way.

Recently, I tried opening up to my mum about comments I get from people about my eating habits at work—they make me feel self-conscious and judged. But when I tried talking to her about it, she just brushed it off as “small talk” and said that I “have a great life” and should be grateful. It felt like another reminder that I’m not allowed to feel upset or express how hard things are for me. After that, I just stormed off, and now I feel both angry and defeated.

I’ve been wanting to move out for years, but I’m still a uni student, so it’s not financially possible yet. I just wish I could find a way to stop feeling so alone and ashamed, and I’m hoping maybe someone here might understand or have advice on how to cope with these feelings.

Thanks

[Sammy_347]

also I forgot to add.. anytime I try to talk about my feelings, my parents’ go-to response is to call me “self-centered” or “selfish.” They don’t understand why I don’t open up to them, but this is exactly why—I know I’ll just be shut down or made to feel guilty for expressing myself. It’s exhausting.

[ABC01]

Dear Sammy_347,

I am so sorry that these things are happening to you. And that have happened to you.

I can relate to talking to parents who don't quite understand what you are trying to tell them and things ending in a frustrated way.

In a way I ask myself if they don't actually know how to respond to what I am saying, or if they can't handle what is happening to me and say the wrong thing all the time. Or if they truly are not able to have an adult conversation.

Some have said their upbringing has shaped them into who they are. Their values, ethics and beliefs are solid and inflexible. But as their child, you expect love, understanding and support. Unfortunately, our expectations aren't meet. And then you feel lesser for it.

But this isn't your fault. How others react and conduct themselves, isn't in your control. And often can come across as gaslighting or debasing. This took me a long time to accept and even now I still yearn for that love, understanding and support and find myself disappointed at the end of our conversations.

I believe a little bit more of education for my parents could go a long way, but they don't want to hear it.

OCD is a debilitating condition. You are not a freak. I have it myself. It is a way to control a situation for me. Often to do with my safety. My anxiety has stopped me from driving too. These have been manifested through stress and certain circumstances and they are my way to survive. It is okay to be you and feel valid about them. There are reasons that disorders happen to people.

I am happy that you are in therapy and discussing what you need too. It is a safe place for you to express what you need too.

It doesn't matter how good of a life you have or are given, it doesn't mean that hard times don't happen and that people don't struggle with mental health issues. So being shut down or brushed off would leave you feeling angry and defeated. I understand that personally. But your thoughts and feelings are valid. And it is exhausting.

I also understand wanting to move away and not being able too.

If you are doing your best everyday, then you are doing enough. The trauma you have been through is high. Your brain only has a capacity each day to process and work through so much before it has to shut down to go into survival mode and keep you alive. Between sessions being overwhelmed by intense emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations is quite normal. I feel them too.

Looking after yourself= eating, sleeping, exercise and doing things you enjoy until a routine sets in. Podcasts, youtube and forums like this. Researching and finding out about how you are feeling and why? Information is education. Education is empowerment.

Keep talking here. I am behind you. All the best until then,

ABC01