Feeling depressed

[AlexC1993]

Hi

I am new to Beyond blue. I am writing here today because for quite some time I have been feeling depressed and lonely.

before I go on I would like to say that I have a profound intellectual disability called Aspergers Syndrome which is a form of autism. This affects my social skills as I struggle in social situations and with social skills.

I am a very shy and introverted person and I like staying home. For quite some time I have been trying to meet a nice woman who I could have a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship with. I have spent a lot of money on Dating websites/Apps and had no success.

Unfortunately I have experienced bullying as I have been discriminated against because of my disability. I am a volunteer at a Salvos store and I cannot do a “proper job” because I fear I will make too many mistakes. I really want to find a partner but I am feeling like I will be single for the rest of my life and that is not a nice feeling.And that no woman will ever want me or love me.

I really struggle with social skills and in situations and I have been told off by women in the past because I made a mistake and I feel frightened that this might happen again.

someone once said to me that “everyone needs someone” but when I try to talk to people and I tell them about my disability they have immediately stopped talking to me.

This has really gotten me down and I feel sad that no one will even give me a chance. I feel worthless and that women believe that there will always be a better Man out there for them than me.

I am new to posting on forums and I am not sure if this is the place to talk about this but I just wanted to talk to someone about it. I know that I am not ten years old anymore and I have to take responsibility but it can be hard as feelings can be overwhelming even if I don’t want them to be.

Is anyone else in a similar situation to me?

Thank you

[White_Rose]

Dear AlexC

Welcome to the forum. So pleased you found your way here. This is a non-judgmental forum where we try to help others.

The first thing that jumped out at me from your post was wondering why you need to tell anyone you have Asperger's. This is your business and you can reveal what you want in your own time.Some years ago I was very depressed and felt I should tell people. I had the same reaction as you, no one wanted to talk to me. In some ways I felt I needed to apologise for being the person I was. However there is no need to give a life history when you meet someone new. You can be accepted for being who you are rather than make apologies in advance. You will either be accepted or not (sounds obvious I know). Give acquaintances time to get to know you, the real you. Then you can make the decision to explain yourself or not. I think those who enjoy your company will continue to do so regardless of any disability.

Meeting women and finding a girl friend is difficult for most people. Not sure how worth while it would be to try the dating services. I think both parties come to these with high expectations which are not that often realised. Be yourself and keep personal information to yourself until an appropriate time.

My nephew has Asperger's and goes about his day without the need to inform anyone else about his condition. He has a girl friend and a highly paid job in finance. I think that's a good match for him as he is good at concentrating on the small things others miss. Being meticulous is a good trait for many jobs. If you can teach yourself to not spend more time doing and less thinking you are unworthy, the more friends you will make.

Have a go and see what happens.

Mary

[AlexC1993]

Thank you very much for your response. I understand what you are saying. I am a very socially awkward and inept person and I would be considered odd/weird by many. My idiosyncrasies have gotten me severely criticised by others in the past and this has affected my confidence a lot.

I am very nervous/shy/anxious/awkward around people and I know that it can be off putting for others who may find me intense or strange. I am many things but normal is definitely not one of them. I am different from everyone else and I am generally not bothered by this but sometimes it gets me down.

I am very unattractive, overweight, stupid/slow, I cannot do a proper job because of my disability therefore my main income source is Centrelink Disability Support Pension. Again I have told women in the past this and they have immediately stopped talking to me which is understandable.

Women want a Man who has a proper job, earns good money and has lots of savings. A Man who owns his own home, has a car, is fun and has a good personality. A Man who has plans for the future, good social skills and is intelligent and passionate along with a laundry list of other requirements. I have none of those things so my chances are zero.

As humans we are social creatures and I was once told that “everyone needs someone” but I am not sure if this is correct as I think that some people are destined to be alone forever. It’s not a nice feeling to be honest but it is one people like me have to live with. Women know that they can do a lot better than me and I am the last option.

[mocha delight]

Hi alexc1993 first welcome to the forums and second you kind of sound like me but I got a learning disability & I’m just on the autistic spectrum to plus I’m also on the Centrelink disability support pension. Not to mention I also feel I am very unattractive, overweight, stupid/slow, that I’ll be single for the rest of my life but the only difference is no man will ever want or love me.

[AlexC1993]

I am really sorry to hear that. You have my deepest sympathy. Life can be hard and people can be cruel sometimes. One thing I find that helps me is keeping my mind active by reading, watching movies, going for walks around my neighbourhood( although I have to be careful of magpies. I have been lucky so far in that I haven’t been attacked.) I have a social group called Friends Day Out which is for people with disabilities and we do things in the community such as bowling, movies, mini golf and many other things.

[AlexC1993]

Also I really hate it when my carers or other people mention their partners/girlfriends and how great everything is for them. It’s like saying, “Look at what I have in a fun relationship with another person and that you will never have”. It is like rubbing salt in the wound. I wish they wouldn’t do that.

The only way I get to spend time with a Woman is if I have a couple of hundred dollars to spare if you know what I mean. People will say, “Why don’t you see a psychiatrist/psychologist/counsellor” As if they can wave a magic wand or give you a special pill to make everything better and they try to tell you that you are wrong and that only time will tell. I disagree with this. What about accepting reality and taking it like a Man. Sometimes nothing can change circumstances and you just have to “Man up” and think about something else. That is the best/smartest thing to do.