Feeling completely lost and not myself

[Mirage5636]

Hi , I’m new to the forum and I don’t really know how to start. For the last few years I’ve been feeling lost and not like myself - completely lonely and isolated.

Recently I opened up to my family and my partner about it and said I needed help , that I was deeply depressed and had no will to do anything , always exhausted and have no energy or confidence anymore. Their responses were that I’m lazy , making excuses and/or making up stories to get attention and they don’t believe how I’m feeling. Most have now stopped contact with me and my partner is threatening to leave if I don’t do something about it. This has just made me feel worse and completely lonely now , sad to say I don’t have one friend I could talk to about it.

I feel like I hardly function now, 3-4 years ago I was this ambitious , outgoing and healthy girl and now I don’t feel like myself anymore. I haven’t had a restful sleep for years and have no energy , everything is an effort. I’ve gained a lot of weight, have crippling anxiety and extreme mood swings , I’m scared to talk to people , I cry constanly , have no job and always feel sick ,among other things.

ive been to multiple doctors and psychologists about it , being diagnosed from clinical depression to borderline personality disorders , taking multiple antidepressants and been to the hospital a number of times and I feel like I’m just getting worse. I’m really scared and need help.

any advice is greatly appreciated and thanks for reading.

[therising]

A warm welcome to you Mirage5636

I was saying to my son just yesterday, 'Ignorance (in my opinion) is not a lack of understanding. It is about ignoring the chance to better understand'.

I'm a 48yo mum of 2 who spent some years (between 20 to 35) in a state of depression. In looking back, I can understand why others didn't view depression for what it is. I'd never even educated myself in regard to the complexities, it was just something I was painfully experiencing and taking medication for. It was more emotional than logical. When I say logical, what I mean is no wonder people experience what they do, given what they've got to work with. Depression is not just a state of mind, it is so much more than this.

After coming out of my depression, I developed a love for the basic understanding of the brain, quantum physics and...well...spirituality came naturally. I never actually went looking for it. I'd spent years hearing about all that mind/body/spirit 'mumbo jumbo' but never fully understood how it works or interacts. If you look at the spiritual simply as 'a sense of connection to life', the following will hopefully make some sense: The brain is like a computer, it processes thoughts as well as what's required in the way of function to keep us alive (aka chemistry). It will also tweak chemistry based on thought. If the thoughts are ones of constant dis-ease, through the magic of chemistry we may feel this dis-ease on a physical level, one way or another. Now, in the world of quantum physics which acknowledges life is based on energy and frequencies, if our energy or frequencies don't match that of what's outside of our mind and body, we will not feel connected to life. If we're functioning on low mental and physical frequencies/energy that come with dis-ease we will not connect with or feel the high in life, so to speak. As I say, depression is seriously complex. So, anyone who says 'It's not real' is ignorant. They'd be amazed if only they were willing to learn.

One of my favourite books of all times is 'Becoming Supernatural' by Joe Dispenza. He explains the mind/body/spirit connection perfectly, in my opinion. He has the ability to take the question 'What's wrong with me?' and convert it into 'Why is my body, mind and energy behaving this way?' I believe when we identify our self in 3 separate unique ways our overall identity ceases to be 'I am dysfunctional'.

Take care Mirage and remember you are a truly unique and wonderful complex being

[White_Rose]

Dear Mirage.

I join therising in welcoming you to the forum. It's great you have found your way here.

Therising has given you an excellent description of what is happening in and to your brain. We are nothing if not complicated. I also believe everything is connected to us and to each other. We are hard wired to need the company of others and to be accepted as you are. Being told you are lazy etc is so painful and is not true. I know I don't know you, so how can I tell? Because the truth leaps off my screen in your words.

Therising is also correct about self knowledge and finding out about ourselves. Please go to the top of the page and look at the drop down options under The Facts. Complete the K10 checklist and print it. Do it several times on different days and times. This will see how your mood goes. You will get a score at the end of each attempt.

To understand what is happening please read some of the fact sheets which can be downloaded. You can order the booklets you want from beyondblue. No charge. One is for family and friends which you can give to your partner and members of your family. I'm not sure if there is a limit on the number of copies you can ask for but no doubt the program will tell you.

Reading this information is a start to learning about yourself and is remarkably helpful. Asking your partner to read a booklet will help him to find out why and how you feel as you do. The booklets are not large and they are easy to understand. Perhaps he will be more inclined to believe you after reading because it has been compiled by beyondblue and is factual.

Meanwhile, can you make an appointment to see your GP. Make it a long appointment. Take the K10 checklists you have completed. Please be open with the doctor and not pretend you are only a bit unwell. It's a habit we often indulge in because of embarrassment and fear of being judged. It is hard but try your best.

Keep posting here.

Mary

[Laza]

Hi Mirage

i know how you feel. Sometimes it feels like you have no way out and everything is just falling apart. In a pit of despair just getting deeper and deeper. I feel for you I really do. Going through something like this being vulnerable and being rejected would be so hard. But your not alone and you have taken the first step by reaching out. So you should be proud of yourself. Try to find a support group where you can meet with people, interaction with others that will help and encourage you through is key. Whether it’s through a community group or a local church there are many ways you can get the help that you need. Don’t give up! You will get through this, give yourself a small goal everyday. It could be something as simple as going for a walk or doing a house job or maybe complimenting someone or yourself! It will give you a little purpose and perspective everyday. I found just putting on my exercise pants in the morning and doing my hair was a small motivation in the morning. You are a strong person and your life does have purpose!