Feeling better doesn't really change anything, does it?

[florencefortyeight]

I saw a video the other day, talking about how to deal with a mental health crisis. She talked about the importance of distractions, and the cheesy stuff like Netflix and beauty products and stuff. She also mentioned mindfulness, like the STOP technique et cetera. It was really useful.

HOWEVER.

Do you think the plan changes when the stuff causing your feelings is really practical and tangible in nature?

The feelings might pass, but that doesn't really fix anything. I am completely alone in life. I don't have friends. I loved living with my nephew, but he is moving out soon too. I have never been on a date before, so I am a long way from having a baby of my own. That's not just negative thoughts, it's very real.

Do you think that advice can still help or does it need a different approach?

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hello

I guess my understanding is that those things are to get you through the crisis points. We can have ongoing issues but they don't tend to have us in crisis, but are more of a persistent challenge. Which, yes, require a different approach. So, strategies for making friends might be addressing any barriers - is it shyness? is it lack of opportunity? What can we do to address that?

I hope that makes sense. What do you think?

Katy

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi florencefortyeight, Thank you for your post. This is a great question and really made me think. I feel like it might be a bit of both; because certainly there can be times where Netflix and beauty products can make you feel better and lift your mood, and then there can be times where it can feel like a bandaid to what’s really going on. If I’m in the midst of grief for example, beauty products isn’t really going to do too much for me, because I need to feel sad - and likewise, with what you’re going through, maybe you need to feel sad too, or lonely, or scared. All of the things you’re feeling are certainly tangible in nature, but they aren’t necessarily all negative either. So while yes, you may not have friends - that could be an opportunity to be excited and eager to make friends, or while you haven’t been on a date - again this could be potentially really exciting. The idea of being alone, that in itself is not necessarily a bad thing because people can be happy on their own. Does this make sense? It’s a bit of a mix of reality vs perception vs mindset too. So sometimes we need to dig a little deeper and sometimes Netflix is what we need. Both are okay.
rt

[Amanda2000]

I think it's ongoing management rather than a cure/fix. For years I have tried to ignore my condition and just waited for it to go away. That didn't work. The list of my anxiety-triggers just kept growing. I enjoy watching tv alone as a means of escape, but increasingly I've found my mind to be in a mess filled with wandering thoughts/worries that I could not follow the storyline of what I was watching. I've started practising mindfulness and the stop technique that you mentioned. On a bad day, I have to repeat this process continuously that's overwhelmingly exhausting. If it becomes too much for my mind to handle, I just stay in the negative-mode for a short time but tell myself this moment will soon pass. Usually this negative-mode will pass in 15 or 20 minutes, then I try to refocus by really observing 3 things right in front of me. For example, when I resume watching tv again, I look at 3 things very closely on the screen (eg. the actor's eyes, the colour of the clothes, the street-sign in the background). In the past my anxiety episode would have ruined my entire day, but mindfulness has helped me to refocus and be able to enjoy at least some part of the day. Regarding baby, I have 2 teenage kids and if I could do it all over again with the full knowledge that I have now, I'm not sure whether I would have chosen the same path. The idea of having children is nice in theory, but for me it was really just a few short years that I truly enjoyed them (I would say the primary school years from age 6 to 12). They are wonderful kids and very good students. It's just my own issues that have turned everything into anxieties. I crave for more alone-time. Anyway just try to celebrate the little-wins and the good days!