NOT SURE WHAT DO TO ANYMORE

[goldilocks]

I am still having issues moving past someone I fancied.

He apparently wants nothing to do with me anymore, and has said hurtful things to me, such as: 'you're not very clever,' 'whatever medication you're taking clearly isn't working,' 'you have more issues than previously thought,' 'retard,' and yet he had the audacity to tell me that he had 'always liked me but had kept it from me.' I have caught him on one occasion taking a photo of me and when I asked him about it a year later, he refuted my claims. I asked a third party if the man I fancied had taken a photo of me, and he told me that the man I fancied told him that "he had taken a photo of something interesting." What, at a bus/train interchange, is SO interesting?

There is more that I want to share, but this is just the beginning. So, I am sorry if this all seems vague.

[Helarctus]

Hello goldilocks,

It sounds like you are aware enough that even though there was/is some attraction there from you to him, there is other issues surrounding the situation that make it less desirable to pursue.

If you have both expressed your opinions and desire or lack of, then that is done. Ideally you should both be able to move on. The world isn't that simple and feelings can linger, staying aware of them will help you manage yours.

Some of what you have described, hints at gas-lighting, a behaviour that derives its name from a play/story where a man tries to make a woman believe she is insane so he can rob her while she is in an asylum by adjusting the gas flow to the lamps that light the house.

It also (very loosely) hints at possible stalker behaviour, without more specific details to clarify it is difficult but if you are concerned they may be two lines of thinking to research on the web to see if they are relevant. Also calling the Beyond Blue line ( 1300 22 4636 ) for a chat with a bit more specifics might help you narrow down what the key issues are in the situation and which ones you may need to address.

Hope that helps,

(also I did note the irony and hope you had a giggle, maybe mama and baby bear will reply next with a softer and just right post)

[tranzcrybe]

Hi goldilocks,

Sometimes kindness can be misinterpreted as having stronger feelings - we all crave affection in life and can find ourselves making excuses and compromises to hold on to what we want to believe.

Then again, during heated arguments we can seek ammunition from whatever will cause the most hurt even when premised on the smallest of associations, if any. Reactions to what is said in anger can be equally out of proportion, so approaching the subject objectively and with cooler heads can lead to clarity.

Without equal reciprocation, your feelings may be in vain, but respecting (if not accepting) others' opinions regardless of credibility is a selfless love in and of itself.

Regards,

t.

[goldilocks]

Can you please explain the gaslighting? I'm very new to this term.

[goldilocks]

It is interesting that you point out the stalking. Could you please explain that in further detail?

[goldilocks]

I am totally lost with what you are trying to say to me.

[Helarctus]

Gaslighting is a term that came about from a movie, in which a woman is tricked into thinking she is crazy by her husband adjusting the gas lighting in the home so she is in the dark while he pretends that the lights are bright. The term has come to mean a pattern of manipulation by one party to create self doubt and insecurity in the second party.

If this person is appearing to show interest and feigning disinterest, but they keep showing up without a substantive reason beyond being near you, it could be they are interested but unable to engage and resort to a more voyeuristic/stalking relationship where they are around but not directly involved.

As I said before, you will need to do some research and talk with someone like the people on they support line with more specific details of the situation to get a better idea of what you might be dealing with.

[Ggrand]

Hello goldilocks,

I’m sorry your having trouble moving on from someone you fancied...

From your first post here..I can feel some alarm bells..He sounds very hurtful and disrespectful towards you with what he’s being saying to you..You witnessed him taking a picture of you and he denied it.,so it seem to me that he isn’t very truthful towards you...

You are a beautiful person goldilocks and deserve so much better then this person who is saying hurtful things to you...You deserve someone to love and care for you with with respect and be their for you with beautiful words said out of love....

Please be very careful lovely goldilocks if you have even the smallest inclination that this person is stalking you..

I really hope that you can move on to someone who will respect you and treat you with kindness .

My kindest and most caring thoughts..dear goldilocks...

Grandy..

[goldilocks]

Hi Ggrand,

Let's call this man John. John stalked me from 2016 to 2019. John had done this by taking photos of me using his mobile phone at random locations across the metropolitan (unfortunately I have no proof of this so I can't make a complaint to the police about his behaviour). When John gave me permission to look at his phone, there were no photos me on there. I felt like I was going insane, especially when I knew he had definitely taken photos of me. I have tried telling my mother about John's behaviour and she literally uses the words "I believe you" and "you suffer from a delusional disorder" in the same sentence. I hate my mother with a passion and I really want nothing to do with her anymore.

And you want to know what's funny? John and his ex-wife are tight with each other and work as a team to bring me down, despite John cheating on his ex-wife repeatedly, hence the divorce. I just don't get it.

[Helarctus]

Hello Goldilocks,

It may be worth taking the facts to the police to discuss, if you have your own personal records of dates and times that this person has shown up they may be able to look into the matter further. You don't know what the police may already have on file, if this person has done this sort of thing before they may be looking for that little bit of evidence that is going to get them over the line. Approaching the police from the perspective of asking them the question "Could this be a stalker?" may also yield some information on resources you can access that haven't been covered already.

Worst case scenario, having a report lodged and report number means that *IF* something happens there is a route for you to follow up and it will assist in expediting an investigation.